swordscomic.com

xam54321, to dnd in "Mad Hacks" - [Swords Comic]

Took me a second, but this got me good!

CannedTuna, to dnd in "Mad Hacks" - [Swords Comic]

Viking boy and the Qwest to repair Pa’s computer

Brunbrun6766,
@Brunbrun6766@lemmy.world avatar
skulblaka, to dnd in "Snake It Till You Make It" - [Swords Comic]
@skulblaka@kbin.social avatar

This reads like an episode of Regular Show. I love it

pollocks, to dnd in "More Kitchen Swor'ppliances" - [Swords Comic]

Why does this comic hurt?

Brunbrun6766,
@Brunbrun6766@lemmy.world avatar

Just don’t drink out of the swug

schroedingershat, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]

I’m taking that last sword and hitting David Attenborough until I croak.

Nausiyan, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]
@Nausiyan@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

I’ll take the sword that glows brightly while hungry. Given I always feel hungry, I’ll blind everyone then stab them.

samus12345,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

Bonus, this way you’ll know when you’re actually hungry and not just bored.

Squirrel,
@Squirrel@thelemmy.club avatar

Oh, good point. That could be useful, as long as I actually heed the sword.

samus12345,
@samus12345@lemmy.world avatar

I think I’m hungry.

looks at non-glowing sword

Eh.

stuffs face anyway

Nausiyan,
@Nausiyan@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

Strangely, it might start to glow as I eat.

Bozicus,

Annnd, sold! I was going to go for the fire sword that only lasts one day, but I would probably just set my clothes on fire with it.

Nausiyan,
@Nausiyan@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

You know too much! Yah I go to the refrigerator and open door and take a quick look cause of boredom alone.

Xariphon, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]

Number 4 doesn't say it has to kill to work.

Have a young person hold it who wants to escape the oppression of youth.

Then I cut myself on it, somewhere mid forearm where it doesn't hurt as much, and hold it there.

They get "old enough" to be treated like a person, I get back in my prime, everybody wins.

themeatbridge,

Ok but chase that concept through capitalism. Control of the sword falls into the wrong hands, and that person becomes immeasurably powerful. Inevitably you end us with a dystopian nightmare where the ruling class trades youth to the rich and connected, while creating a market for poor sacrificial children.

Sword like that, best to drop it into the ocean.

Xariphon,

Isn't selling the best years of your life to old capitalists pretty much how capitalism already works?

Royal_Bitch_Pudding,

You also sell the wear and tear of your body. So, arguably this is better.

themeatbridge,

You’re right, this is just more literal.

MurdoMaclachlan, (edited ) to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]
@MurdoMaclachlan@lemmy.world avatar

Image Transcription: Comic


[Swords DCCXXXIX: CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON, by Matthew J Wills]


Panel 1

[A sword with a brightly glowing blade. The hilt is blue and scaly, while the guard forms the shape of two yellow-eyed, green-scaled dragons consuming one another’s tails to form a circle. The pommel features a ring hole from one side to the other. At the tip of the blade are two dots and a very thin line forming a slightly smiling face.]

A SWORD THAT GLOWS BRIGHTLY WHENEVER YOU’RE HUNGRY


Panel 2

[A sword on a wavy dark blue background. The blade is large, heavy, and only sharp on one side. There is a large spike like a dorsal fin bending backwards from the blunt edge, two divets like side fins on the flat, four divets along the sharp edge, and a large crack digging into the tip, reminiscent of a toothy maw. The hilt is dark brown, seemingly bound with leather straps.]

A SWORD THAT ONLY WORKS UNDER WATER


Panel 3

[A sword with a blade enclosed in pink-and-white striped wax, like a decorative candle. The hilt is blue, with a crossguard that curls up towards the blade. At the tip of the blade, the wax is melted away, revealing a dark, sharp interior like the wick of a candle, and more reminiscent of a wooden stake than of a blade. This tip is on fire, and the fire blazes forwards to form a more conventional sword-tip shape.]

A FIRE SWORD THAT ONLY LASTS FOR A SINGLE DAY


Panel 4

[A jagged, decrepit sword, curved in multiple places. The tip curves forwards then hooks back again like the tip of a khopesh, with two distinct, sudden corners to change angle instead of a gradual curve.

Beneath the tip, the blade is partially enclosed in a wooden guard of some sort. There is a spiral marking leading into a line on the upper part of this, and the wood is unenclosed at the front until the very bottom of the blade, where it closes over and curves to a very thin point before curving back to meet the hilt.

From the spot just above the hilt, grey hair like a beard emerges from the wood. The hilt is wrapped in white strapping of some sort, and the pommel has a ring hole from one side to the other, and three spikes, one on the bottom, two on the sides.]

A SWORD THAT STEALS THE VICTIMS AGE AND ADDS IT TO THE WIELDERS


I am a human who transcribes posts to improve accessibility on Lemmy. Transcriptions help people who use screen readers or other assistive technology to use the site. For more information, see here.

Tag365,
@Tag365@lemmy.world avatar

I wouldn’t have known the first sword had a smiley face on it this quickly without this transcription.

Suddenmoose, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]

the age sword

Codedheart, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]
@Codedheart@kbin.social avatar

I choose to stab myself with #4

assassinatedbyCIA, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]

The last swords only good for killing babies and newborns

Andvari,

Fairly good for baby killin’ that’s what I thought initially as well.

Willie, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]

I'd get the fourth sword, then I'd take a regular dagger, and cut open a pregnant cow or cat or dog or something. I'd then slay all the kittens or calves or puppies with my new sword. Since the animals are not born yet, they would have an age of less than 0. When we add their negative age to mine, I'd become weeks or even months younger per kill! With this I will have everlasting youth!

Brunbrun6766,
@Brunbrun6766@lemmy.world avatar

…you’re a strange one

Willie,

Am I really so strange? There are tales as old as time itself where powerful people seek everlasting life, and they are willing to commit far worse atrocities to reach their goals. For me the price is merely the lives of a few barnyard animals, common livestock that would have died for the goals of man anyway! This is no different than you eating a meal.

Is the amount of food that would barely feed a small army really such a high price to pay for a longer healthier life? I think not!

TooMuchDog,

Fuckin, holy shit man....

WeLoveCastingSpelz,

Horrors within my compherension

Ipodjockey,
@Ipodjockey@lemmy.world avatar

Well this is the most reddit like thing I’ve seen on Lemmy so far…

Willie,

Uh oh... Is that a bad thing?

Ipodjockey,
@Ipodjockey@lemmy.world avatar

You may want to see a therapist.

Willie,

Nah, I'm completely fine. I was only trying to find a way to get the most benefit from the four choices given in the post. We don't live in a world with magic, so I don't see myself ever doing anything like that.

Thanks for your concern though.

Piemanding,

Or just hire someone to stab you with the sword a couple times. There’s bound to be some poor people who’d do it for a bit of gold.

Willie,

Impressive, you had a more evil response than mine!

I feel like the chances of you getting a drunk or some sort of criminal who decides to kill you all the way with the sword and take all of your gold while not knowing what the sword does would eventually end up killing you, though. It's even possible that there's nothing nefarious behind it too, they just happen to stab you in the right way where you end up bleeding out or something.

Or maybe, some poor men's wives would appear and hunt you down. Angry that you somehow stole something from them when they already had nothing. After stealing their husbands' youths, they're now out for blood! I dunno, haha.

SgtAStrawberry,

Do elephants or whales instead or even alpacas, you get much more time from them.

Royal_Bitch_Pudding,

Turtles, crabs, or certain species of Jellyfish

SgtAStrawberry,

True true, I only thought of mammals.

PoetSII,

What a terrible day to be literate

FixedFun, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]
@FixedFun@kbin.social avatar

I like the last sword, a lot of people need life more than others :p, I mean, is it wrong to steal the age of someone who is going to the chair and is going to disappear anyway? I think at least that's a fair deal.

Kara, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]
@Kara@kbin.social avatar

The light sword is the only good option.

Swords are pretty useless underwater because water is much denser then air.
The candle sword, and sword that kills you are self explanatory.

Just use it as a light source when you're hungry, and if you need to be stealthy bring some snacks.

saplyng,
@saplyng@kbin.social avatar

I was thinking about it more as the "sword of dieting" because it should tell you when you're actually hungry, not just bored or whatever, and will stop glowing when your hunger has been properly satiated so you know when to stop eating!

Klear,

That’s clever! I would just pick the sea sword for party tricks.

NotSoMewwo, to dnd in "Choose Your Weapon" - [Swords Comic]
@NotSoMewwo@pawb.social avatar

These silly swords reminds me of that show Mighty Magiswords.

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