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thefartographer, to 196 in I'm Lightning McQuick

Ker-ch… awww…

thefartographer, to privacy in USA: Court rules automakers can record and intercept owner text messages

A large chimp will actually produce something closer to one horsepower than those stupid overclocked horses.

Also, they’ll rip your face off, so win-win

thefartographer, to nostupidquestions in Is a fart a fart before you fart it?

Bravo

thefartographer, to privacy in USA: Court rules automakers can record and intercept owner text messages

I disagree. I want every interaction to be processed individually and iteratively. I look forward to my stereo turning into a BOOM box.

thefartographer, to technology in Internet providers say the FCC should not investigate broadband prices

“Why does that room smell like rotting corpses?”

“No clue, let’s promise to be friends forever by agreeing to never go into or ask about that room ever again!”

thefartographer, to nostupidquestions in Is a fart a fart before you fart it?

As a professional Fartographer, I can confirm this is the correct answer. Sometimes you’re feeling confident that you’re hanging out with a fart, but then it comes out to you as poop.

Then you have to tell it, “look, I still appreciate you as something I created, but I can’t support your choice of being poop.” And then you tell it that it has until the weekend to get out of your pants.

thefartographer, to pics in Grasshopper [OC]

Look at the little bounceh boi!

thefartographer, to news in Landlord torches New York home after tenants stop paying rent, become squatters

No one reads the fine print anymore. Or apparently past the first sentence

thefartographer, to news in Landlord torches New York home after tenants stop paying rent, become squatters

OH MY GOD WE’RE HAVING A FIRE!!!

sale.

thefartographer, to news in Landlord torches New York home after tenants stop paying rent, become squatters

Hotter take: Anyone should be allowed to set things they own on fire*. Being a landlord is thing here that should be outlawed.

*Property fires cannot contain other people or their possessions. Fire must not spread to other properties.

thefartographer, to technology in 'Couldn't See Anymore:' Bored Ape Conference Attendees Wake Up With Searing Eye Pain, Vision Loss

The way I learned to remember it are

Aging

Burning

Cancer/Curing

thefartographer, to news in Mike Johnson Admits He and His Son Monitor Each Other's Porn Intake in Resurfaced Video

Weird assumption. My mom’s still alive, who do you think drives me to the cemetery on my dad’s birthday and the day of his passing? You think I’m gonna be a quitter just because my dad gave me the ultimate handicap?

Hey, have you ever cried so hard that it made jerking off in the cemetery almost seem redundant?

thefartographer, to risa in Not a single statue of him!

Does Bajoran come before or after Brazilian? Hundreds, thousands, millions, billions, trillions, Bajorans, Brazilians, bajillions?

Is there even anything after a bajillion?

thefartographer, to news in Mike Johnson Admits He and His Son Monitor Each Other's Porn Intake in Resurfaced Video

Panache and survivorship

thefartographer, to news in Mike Johnson Admits He and His Son Monitor Each Other's Porn Intake in Resurfaced Video

Yeah, that’s fucking weird. Fathers and sons are meant to compete which is why my dad and I still hold our semi-annual Jerk-off Jam; I’ve won every single one since 2016. All the witnesses at the cemetery can confirm this.

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