Replies

Claire, 11 months ago

@axnxcamr

Yes! This! And honestly most of us have had to move in an NT world for so long we are trained to be hyperaware of anything we've done that may have upset someone.

@benjamincox You've communicated your thoughts, and I'm glad you did! Nothing to change here about yourself. Nothing to apologize for. 💚

@PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 11 months ago

@benjamincox

Not really. It took me a while to get my mask off. I trained myself to try to interpret the world in NT ways. It's like if your native language is Klingon, but you're on Earth in Canada. You're going to try to think like a Canadian.

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 11 months ago

@benjamincox I can see that. Do you want to chat it out? Or do you want space to process? (like I can stop responding)

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 11 months ago

@benjamincox One is authentic and the other isn't. It might take time for you to tease out what's your mask. A mask takes effort, is tiring, draining somehow.

Most Autists mask from early in life and so it IS really confusing at first. We've never had (or felt like we had) permission to be our authentic selves. To Stim, make noises, be direct af. I started learning by playing with "what regulates me? What Dysregulates me?"

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 11 months ago

@benjamincox Well, please feel free to explore this with us here. It's a strange journey, but it's so rewarding and mastodon really is a wealth of knowledge.

@PatternChaser @axnxcamr @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 11 months ago

@benjamincox I love that!!!

@PatternChaser @axnxcamr @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 11 months ago

@benjamincox

Yes! and an ongoing one. You will be weeding out the things you do to please others and as you do that a lovely, unique, more comfortable existence will emerge.

@axnxcamr @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago

@benjamincox maybe she did feel bewildered and maybe not! Who knows? To me, it sounds like you were sharing vulnerable things — I hope she saw that and thought it was as cool as I think it is.

@UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago

@UnknownOutrider Definitely.
For me I also info dump for a variety of reasons. It's connecting and I basically store information in files in my mind. If I'm talking about something in the file, I tend to share all of it (reasonably). Also, sometimes I want to share information because it feels relevant to me (doctor). I also like to know, so my spouse travels for work. I enjoy knowing what he ate for meals and telling him my day.

@PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago

@PatternChaser Yes because I was then internalizing a message about my wrongness. If I can't exist with authenticity, then what is wrong with me. Sometimes it's not safe for me to be authentic and I have been able to see that the problem is not with me it is with the world that makes it unsafe for me to exist as I am.

@UnknownOutrider @strypey @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago

@UnknownOutrider

I really resonate with this. Typically I mask as a choice now. When it pops up as an automatic response, I really try to figure out why (won't surprise you to learn I like to find patterns, lol.)

@Elizabeth3 @strypey @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago

@strypey

I love this distinction. I do this with people. At the doctor's office I might say, "I'm an information sharer so if you need me to stop, please be direct. It's no problem."

At home, I say "I'm sharing info" or "I'm upset and I need empathy." Then my husband doesn't have to guess. And he knows with the latter, if he has the spoons, I kinda need to feel heard.

@UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago (edited 10 months ago)

@strypey

Love Marshall Rosenberg. I have a feelings and needs list on our fridge to help me be in touch with what's coming up and what I'm needing.

One thing we have in our home is headphone time. So if we aren't available for connection, we put headphones in. It helps me ("rules" help me) know when my husband is available. And with this basically he has "permission" to not be available, which helps him.

@dbc3 @UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago

@strypey lol re the cat!!

we **try to do that too. for me at least, the habit of asking permission before I go into something is great. I do it with my child too. But the habit has also helped me learn that a lot of times, I can just tell it's not a good time. and I just text him. I used to make a list but my husband prefers I text him and will look when he is available.

@dbc3 @UnknownOutrider @PatternChaser @benjamincox @ScruffyDux @actuallyautistic

Claire, 10 months ago

@Autistrain

100% and the reason all of the people I am close with are okay waiting however long to hear from me. And vice versa. I am grateful to have relationships like these where I can just move as myself.

@actuallyautistic