It takes time to unpack a lifetime of transphobia directed at you. It makes it hard to accept yourself, it makes it hard to come out and then it makes you second guess and invalidate yourself.
But it’s all shit that the world has place on you. And you can undo, but that also takes time. You need to give yourself permission to take the time needed to work on it, without beating yourself up for being not being able to undo a lifetime of indoctrination in an instant