It’s often hard to be married to someone with PTSD. I haven’t had a very good week. In fact, I’ve not had a very good year. My nephew committed suicide, my parents aren’t doing so well, and I feel like I have no one to talk to. I listen, but I don’t really talk. And when I do speak, I feel like people don’t understand me. If I show even the slightest vulnerability, I get told I’m playing the victim, so I try to keep a cheerful exterior.
The best things I have are: My discord buddies (really the closest friends I’ve got, which I know is pathetic), and I actually like my job and see what we do as praxis (though it’s been harder and harder not to feel like I’m just doing zombie mode).
There’s just a deep and profound sadness inside me, and my emotions are so raw that I just curl up like an armadillo.
The only moments I feel alive are when I’m on my longboard or bicycle. I keep thinking I should try to become closer friends with my longboarding pal because otherwise we probably won’t talk much in winter. I also reconnected with a friend who I used to be very close friends with back in high school, so I should work on that friendship, too.