I still struggle with this one. I feel like my life lacks meaning without having some kind of external interaction. It used to be building a small community, then a random poly disaster came flying through and revealed a lot of problems with half of my friend group, including three of the 7 saying “I’m not a transman because men and transmen are toxic” (to me, a transman). So I dropped that half of the friend group, fortunately the other half also saw that as a red flag. I feel like they’re the only external interaction I have that’s worthwhile but I don’t really ‘build’ anything anymore, and that makes me feel like I’m wasting my life.
Then I tried activism, but I hate feeling angry and sad all the time, because there’s certainly no good news and probably never will be.
I try engaging with the pre-existing queer communities around me, but they’re massively fem/enby skewed so even when there aren’t any problems with misandry (which is rare), I end up feeling like I’m a weird relic of the past that shouldn’t exist anymore. Plus they’re heavily skewed towards unstable poly so it’s just a constant ongoing orgy/disaster all the time.
It feels like regular society doesn’t want men who are anything left of far right. Conservatives don’t want you because you don’t agree with them, moderates are rare and often have their own problems, the left doesn’t want you because you’re a man and men are guilty unless proven otherwise (if there’s even a way to prove otherwise). I just don’t know.