Another thought is if you really want control over your “home” instance’s federation you could host your own instance and call all the shots
As someone who is going to move a subreddit over to Lemmy, this is a really good idea. I could just host that one on my own, and if I don’t add people to my server, I could make sure that it doesn’t get overloaded. People could connect from other federated servers to view and make posts/comments.