You’re right. Next time I chat with a stranger who looks and sounds like a man I’m gonna open with “So, he-him?” If you really think this is normal and necessary and not-weird, you’re living in a place most people are not. You know this already, of course. Indeed you probably feel morally superior about being in with the weird codes. Like this host, you’re on the team, you know how to talk. And that’s the heart of the issue cos what we have here is a coded form of sanctimony, and nothing drives ordinary folks crazy like sanctimony.