This is something I’m working on. Part of that involves confronting my internalised ableism. Part is dealing with impostor syndrome. I know my traits aren’t as disabling as some people’s, but I also know that having traits that are more easily masked has caused other issues, & that has been disabling. ( Just writing that is a challenge.) But I had already done some work to accept & like myself, & discovering that there is a reason why I am this way, makes that easier.
For the first time in my life, my autism is actually being treated and when I say it is life-changing, it is an understatement. I have a physical disability that causes me excruciating physical pain 24/7, and having my autism managed is just as impactful as that being treated.
I went 35 years without knowing what was wrong, why I was unable to do and relate the way others could, and resigned myself to life just being terrible, exhausting, and just being broken.
Within a year of diagnosis, I actually got a handle on my issues and suddenly... I wasn't broken. I still relate differently, think differently. And now I'm proud of that. But the awful parts? They're under control. I can relax, for the first time in decades. I can enjoy my hobbies. I can deal with people and let go of things.
And my joy at my uniqueness is, in no way, diminished by the recognition that I absolutely needed those issues to be treated and managed over the last 35 years.
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