There are just some mornings where I wake up and it feels like my brain and body are ringing the alarm bells that something is terribly wrong but I can't puzzle out why I'm overcome with panic and dread.
@spika
I also sometimes have panic attacks when I wake up. Or shutdowns, where I wake up but can not get out of bed at all. Mornings are tough. @actuallyautistic
@spika I have always had trouble getting started in the morning. Lately I’m connecting the dots with my #Autism and executive issues. The flood of what I’m facing in the day is what daunts me most.
I try to form a game plan of the things I most want to tackle in the day. Once done, I magically find myself able to get going. The transitions of bathing and the commute are helpful too.
The plan often evaporates during the day, but that’s my patten.
@spika@actuallyautistic
I have this most of the time, too. There seems to be some connection to hormones and stress, but I haven't been able to pin it down yet.
@spika@actuallyautistic I have so many mornings like this. Just dread. Often wonder whose feelings I'm feeling.
From where I sit it looks as if our defining characteristic as autistic folk is that we are not able to filter out perceptions that most folks learn to moderate as part of their 'normal' childhood development. That includes All the feelings. No wonder we're always exhausted.
@26pglt@spika@actuallyautistic I think we are in general more traumatized by life compared to neurotypical people. That is probably a defining characteristic which separates a neurodivergent person from a neurotypical one, how traumatizing everyday situations are for each.
There’s a concept called trauma anniversary. Even if you don’t remember a certain event you lived through, around its anniversary your body reacts by preemptively getting defensive. Tattoo havers talk about it a lot for example, their tattoos getting itchy on the anniversaries of them getting the tattoo.
I think the same could be true for autistic traumas too. Maybe we’re just tired and burnt out that day, or maybe that day is the day we lived a traumatic event but can’t remember.
Whatever the reason is, I’m very familiar with the dreadful mornings too. I’ve been having them my entire life.
It's so hard, isn't it, when trying to figure ourselves out, to separate what's intrinsic to us as autistic people (for me, inability to filter & consequent succeptability to overwhelm) from the effects of trauma arising from a life of having our perceptions denied, our distress trivialised or pathologised & learning to distrust ourselves. The isolation & shame. The trauma responses we have in common with many others who have had their perceptions denied & their humanity erased. The sensory & information processing differences are a little kernel at the centre of ours.🤔
@26pglt@CynAq@spika@actuallyautistic it would be nice if we could avoid passing judgement on one another. But i haven't found that.
Im not claiming to be better. I find myself passing judgement when i see other autistic people say things that match things ive heard as Normalisms.
Usually
Lateral ableism and condemnation of "bad behavior" easily attributable to trauma.
@CatHat@CynAq@spika@actuallyautistic Hi CatHat I’m not sure of your meaning - are you saying that my comments before read as judgemental or ableist? If they do I’m very sorry. I do not mean to speak for others & am grateful to be corrected when I overstep. I have all the entitlement of an educated white woman so overstepping is something I may not notice without help. I’m grateful for variety of perspectives here.
@26pglt@CynAq@spika@actuallyautistic Not you! Your reaction is the one i dont see enough of.
First.
Im also an educated and white woman but i went through sped and saw who was tracked THROUGH special education into institutions and the injustice system in America.
The lowest "remedial" track was mostly hispanic and Black. Not white.
Second
People having ptsd reactions frequently attract condemnation from other autistic people
@CatHat@CynAq@spika@actuallyautistic thank you for clarifying 💜 Context is everything & we are so acculturated not to see it. I wish we can all learn to listen better, & be kinder to ourselves & each other.
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