When asking an Autistic person to do something, attaching a time frame and defining who needs to do the task lets them know it’s a request & not a statement. This makes such a difference.
The ex: I thought you were going to take the trash out?
My mind: Why would you think that? All I did was agree that it needs doing. It's pretty much at the same scale to me as "someone should abolish the electrical college" or "I really think we should stop having a two party political system". I had no idea that you thought I was the person who should be handling this.
My response to this is the opposite!
“Would you mind taking the trash out today?” pressures me into a commitment and my PDA twitches painfully. It also irritates my literal ear: What does "would you mind" even mean?
"We need to take the trash out," gives me an opportunity to opt-in and I absolutely will.
Even, "I'd like you to take out the trash today," is easier on my ear because they are essentially talking about themselves and their desires.
And most of the time, I’m already aware of the thing that needs to be done like a week before everyone else became aware and had been struggling to get it done ever since.
And god forbid I am the one to ask someone else to do something for me, even for our mutual benefit. Then suddenly I’m demanding something I’m very capable of doing myself. It’s as if society collectively decided I am capable of any known and yet unknown human endeavor, except for needing help.
@CynAq@actuallyautistic@anomalon@AutisticAdam
normalizing asking for help. That would make us all so much safer and more connected. It would enable everyone to unmask. so much healthier than competition.
My response to this is the opposite!
“Would you mind taking the trash out today?” pressures me into a commitment and my PDA twitches painfully. It also irritates my literal ear: What does "would you mind" even mean?
"We need to take the trash out," gives me an opportunity to opt-in and I absolutely will.
My ex-wife's theory was that if she smelled the trash stinking, therefore I must have smelt it too, and then I was consciously deciding not to take it out despite it smelling. We're not talking about a full trash here. It could have been mostly empty, but one of us tossed something stinky in there.
The reality was that my nose is not as sensitive as hers.
She actually did say something after smelling the trash 10 times and thinking that I'm deliberately ignoring it. It usually wasn't nice.
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