@BetaCuck4Lyfe@kolektiva.social cover
@BetaCuck4Lyfe@kolektiva.social avatar

BetaCuck4Lyfe

@[email protected]

I'm #antifa. Like, all of it.

I'm a #farmer, #poet, and #HandyPerson, sometimes #Actor and #stuntman in the Portland, OR area. Available for those things & being silly. Here to help with #HomeRepair, #YardWork, #Acting, #Stunts, #CreativeWriting, #Editing, or lifting heavy stuff.

Profile pic is me, shirtless, in work boots, pants & gloves, pretending to pole dance on a rake in a sunset in a late autumn field in Portland, OR.

Banner pic is me with my cat in my arms, both of us soaking wet.

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sahat , to actuallyautistic
@sahat@c.im avatar

I'm in a state of pain tonight. It has a long story of origin. It is a residue from the twenty years of childrearing as a single mother, facing ableism and poverty, facing sexism and facing the devastating effect of doing it alone. I somehow let go of this layer of constraint around my deepest and most difficult bits of pain. I realize, I put it there in order to compartmentalize and in order to be present for my son. I was afraid I could be overwhelmed by it .Unable to deliver my attention and devotion as I felt was needed.
This is not nice but it is new. I feel a freedom to let go. It has to do with my kid being in a state of well-being and being on a good path. In addition to being not a kid anymore. I don't know what else to do but breathe right now, and talk. Or rather write. I have been doing that all day.
Just wanted to let you know. As this community has always given me a feeling of support and of not being alone with the challenges of a neurodivergent life. As I was writing, I felt it was necessary that every woman that goes through this lets out these sounds of pain and of torment, and as publicly as possible. We don't have much space for this, as we are beeing needed and that will be a constant for many years. And it keeps the truth away from whomever wants to ignore it. It does not serve us to be silent. Even if it may seem a survival choice at the time.
Letting go of my fight suit. admitting to the despair and how lost and alone I felt amidst mounting pressure. Letting go of treading carefully as not to scare my child. As not to provoke retaliation from any part of the system in a way that I would not be prepared for.
Letting go of a pressure that has been in my neck for twenty years and wreaked havoc in my body. It's a bit of a flood coming out of of me. Breaking my heart or rather the constraints around it towards feeling the full truth of the emotion.
@actuallyautistic

BetaCuck4Lyfe ,
@BetaCuck4Lyfe@kolektiva.social avatar

@sahat @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity @audhd big love to you, cousin

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