It HAS enabled it. I’ve watched my kids be abused for 15 years, powerless to stop it, because CPS told me to stop “causing trouble” with my ex after my second report, or I’d lose custody.
I am fairly faithful, though more liberal than many in my faith. My kids have come out to me maybe a dozen times in total, and have been disappointed every time because I didn’t go crazy on them. Most religious people don’t hate LGBTQ, even if they also don’t agree with some of it. Most religious parents love their children AND their faith, and are willing to let their kids make their own choices.
Don’t let a vocal few and their media response cause you to try to squish your parents into a box. They can love you and not love your choices, but also support you making them. Not everything is black and white. If you have kids, some day your kids will subscribe to ideologies you don’t like, too. It’s part of parenting. Parents are allowed to be disappointed when their kids reject the things they love.
Just stay true to what you feel is right, try to love your imperfect parents, give it a few years and everything will look much different one way or the other.
Just this week, I sat across from a male psychologist while he asked me if I’d reported abuse my daughter went through at the hands of her dad.
No, I didn’t.
First, she didn’t say anything until years later, when she no longer had to see him.
Second, the second time I did report something, I was told to stop causing trouble between me and my ex spouse, or I’d lose custody of the kids. I was terrified of being able to protect them even less.
Third, each time I reported cost me thousands of dollars I didn’t have because he retaliated through the courts.
So no, I haven’t reported anything since then. And yes, I’m ashamed. But shame or not, I don’t know what I could have done differently.
The courts truss women like pigs and roast them on a spit for even hinting at trying to protect their kids, then skewer them again when they don’t.
Yes, the "I think" is exactly the type of thing I meant about self- deprecating behaviors. I am not good at naturally soft language, but it's exhausting to be constantly trying to monitor that.
now there is no uncomfortable peace with these people
So true! I have a lot of anxiety about keeping my job. I was laid off twice in one year (first for not folding on my desired career path, second for a company acquisition) shortly after having my second baby and going through a divorce from an abuser, so I don't deal well with work conflict any more. I'm the only earner in the house, and I'm not sure I'm mentally well enough to handle another "layoff." So I'm in the folding mode, but it's hurting my already fragile mental health.
The self-deprecating tools are things like helping someone else come up with my idea so it doesn't come from me, making it clear that I'm just advising, asking leading questions, small talk, etc. I know they aren't great, but it's hard to let go of things that have protected you. I'm way too blunt for my own good, naturally. I'm looking into the possibility that I am autistic, after that possibility was raised.