Its taken a lot of time and re-thinking to bring myself into the water, testing it and getting scared again. The first step was accepting that I’m not dressing adrogynously or creatively, I’m boymoding.
Right now I think it would be really cool to be a feminine-presenting girl, but my ideal self when I’m old is more like “retired santa-looking trucker who spends his days in a woodworking workshop”. An elder bear, if you will.
And I’m kinda already there today to be honest, so like. Yeah. Metronome time.
As someone who was born into a terrible, broken household with no solid ground to stand on to speak of, this is always so wild to hear for me. Continuing as is was never an option. I knew the structures of my life were insufficient and untenable a decade or more before I started to understand myself as a woman. Sure, transition is scary and difficult, but not half as scary and difficult as how I grew up. I never doubted that I had to keep moving forward, to keep changing. I would have changed just as profoundly if I wasn’t a woman.
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