Hi, I’m mtf, but in tech, so maybe I can be a bit helpful.
I’m thinking you may be right that a lot of guys are stealth. It’s very hard to be stealth mtf in tech because there are already not many women. At my company, there are three women in engineering, me and two cis lesbians. So I kinda stick out. But it would be pretty easy to be unremarkable if you pass as a man. I actually know (well, talk-to-on-the-internet) at least one stealth trans guy in tech, so you do exist. Tech is relatively cool with queer people, depending on the area, so I don’t think being stealth is a requirement for a successful career.
I really like software engineering as a career for two reasons. First, something about my brain (autism?) Makes solving little puzzles on my computer and putting together virtual systems super satisfying. And also, software is one of the easiest ways to a stable career. Like what other field can get you a 6 figure salary with a 4 year degree? And honestly office work is pretty easy as long as you work for a chill company. Money and stability are big advantages when you’re trans.
I’m sure you already know this, but there are lots of good careers in tech outside of programming. Some good examples are cyber security, cloud/sre/devops, and data scientist. You can get into all of these with a bachelor’s degree, but some you can do with an associate’s instead and save two years.
But, like, I guess the job market is weird and messed up rn, so maybe the more education the better. But even with the tech layoffs there are stuff tons of jobs out there. Sure, you might have to work at a bank instead of Google, but it’s still a stable, well-payed office job. Don’t get discouraged by silly undergrad cs students who are doomer about everything because they didn’t get the Facebook internship.
I’m totally down to answer more questions if you want or chat about tech. Good luck figuring out your path through dystopian late capitalism!