I can relate to your frustration about jerks and toxicity but I dont share the severity of it. At least I would not say it that way.
Yes, lemmy can get pretty bad (looking at you c/firefox) but that’s normal with niche stuff.
I moderate a smallish subreddit (2k peeps) and get regular questions if I can please ban the noobs that ask noob questions. I politely decline.
This place here is in its literal infancy and saying „its so sad that it will never…“ helps nobody.
Just report assholes, check if you made mistakes and if nothing else helps, make a new community based on that change. That is how we improve. Moaning and spelling doom is a bad strategy in every part of life.