garretguy, 11 months ago

@AdvaShaviv @bookstodon @fantasy
That's a big tick on all 7 of the guidelines imo. Very original, very fresh, very intriguing. Would definitely read on. Only one catch (unusual for me, so good job!):

"...Banjo lost all control of the adoring noises spewed from his mouth."

Either (a) I'm not understanding it,
Or (b) it should be "spewing"
Or (c) it should be "noises which spewed"

AdvaShaviv, 11 months ago

@garretguy @bookstodon @fantasy

Thanks so much! And yes, you're right about that catch, I totally missed it!

Bodling, 11 months ago

@AdvaShaviv @bookstodon @fantasy I liked the way your first page built by dropping in one strange element after another (it IS fantasy, after all). Baby-thought. Green pom-pom. Wings. Beak. Mustache. Pipp on a different planet. Then it matured!

I'm not sure what the chocolate has to do with it.

I'd probably would keep reading to find out.

AdvaShaviv, 11 months ago

@Bodling @bookstodon @fantasy

Thank you so much!