I agree. I’m autistic and I spent a long time learning basic conversation skills. However, what I had gotten good at was trite and boring small talk, a meandering rally of nothingness. For a while, I thought that this was it, and I became quite isolated because it didn’t feel worth it to engage with most people.
A few years ago, I discovered a whole new “skill tier” of conversation skills: finding “leads” that may lead to levelling up a conversation. Finding those routes through to talking about things that both people find interesting, things that build friendships. I was lucky to meet people who were very much on my wavelength who helped me to build these new skills, and now I’m aware of it, I wonder how many people I discounted prematurely because I wasn’t giving them much to go on or I missed some cues from them.
Here’s where I wish I could share my one neat trick to people struggling with the same issue, but as you say, it’s hard to do. I think it’s important to acknowledge that it’s hard, and that sometimes forming connections is about luck in the circumstances.