Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 18 Thursday 16/11/23
TL:DR Life , don’t talk to me about life ! There’s some hard reading ahead, UHBW.
Let’s just say I’ve had better days & leave it at that.
I am in bed, not because I’m ill but because I’m really not up for sitting downstairs on my own , again & again.
So at least here I can snuggle under the duvet & pretend I’m 80 miles & 45 years away & my Mum will walk in to tell me to turn out the light & wish me good night in 15 minutes 😣
I’m casting about for someone in the real world who hasn’t triggered me today, my brother his partner & my niece, by dint of not actually interacting with me pretty much fills that list.
Thank Nuggan for Mastodon & the ability to loose myself in the presence of people who will at least not ignore me.
I am so very close to taking my frustrations out on me , but then I would feel I had let good friends on here down so perhaps not. Also I know that some of my reactions are ASD amplified again & in realising that I can step slowly back to a safer space.
I am not looking for sympathy, or understanding, this is a diary after all.
Final Thoughts:
I would list the triggers & frustrations one by one , but what would that serve .
I faced the temptation of full on self penalisation & resisted , so a little progress there I guess.
I wonder if people with conditions that seem to force them to live in their past memories have simply had enough of ‘now’ & prefer to live in the comfort of ‘then’ ?
Thanks to all my friends on here & all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 😊🫶🐿️🖖
@Tim_McTuffty
I'm sorry you had such a sucky day. And that it was one of my busiest days so I could be there less than I wanted to be 🤗
It's hard when people trigger you. It's even harder if they know that what they do triggers you 😔. Especially if it's people that mean something to you, it's harder to just ignore or brush it off...
I used to think family was important. But the way most of them treated me... I learned to distance and just focus on people that really cared. I'd rather deal with friends that are far away, but who text and call me and that show affection and love, than have family near that don't give a squirrels ass about me. If that makes any sense. Even though I'd love for my friends to be closer, of course 😊
Hope you're having a good night and that tomorrow will be better.
I have another busy day with helping mum and visiting the PT. But in between I'll try to be available for chats, rants, venting and all that. 🤗
You got this, 💪🏼 🫶🏻 🐿️ @actuallyautistic
@PixysJourney@actuallyautistic Oh Cynni, thank you so much for your support, it was little bits all thru the day, so most of the day wasn’t too bad, it just got worse as it progressed sadly.
I would be fine but for my silly MH 😔
Thank you for being a dear friend though, it is very much appreciated! 🫂
Add comment