CynAq,
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

@actuallyautistic

Here I want to talk a bit about the phrases and common wordings we use to describe our experiences.

I, like @AutisticAdam, always thought I was clueless about forms and paperwork because their instructions were ambiguous, and I always experience crippling anxiety about them. Note that there's almost always an implied "compared to everyone else" in these statements. A notion of "I'm struggling but most people seem to be doing fine."

And it's true that forms are ambiguous. It's mostly on purpose too. The openly stated reason for bureaucracy is to slow things down and make them predictable (making sure a certain percentage of people will fail a task is making things predictable), thus controllable, after all.

What I want to point out here is the language we use to talk about ourselves as people, like "clueless" or "overwhelmed" or "incapable". All frequently used by autistic and NT people alike to describe autistic experiences.

For many things these words can be appropriate, especially depending on the individual. If someone can't read facial expressions or stand being touched, they are well and truly incapable and overwhelmed. There's nothing wrong with that.

However, when we say we are clueless about something like paperwork, which is in a lot of cases deliberately designed to be ambiguous and difficult to get through for the average person, I believe we are making an undeserved judgement of our comprehension abilities.

I believe the average NT person is just as if not more clueless about the paperwork. For one reason or the other though, it looks like we are quite a bit more negatively impacted by having to do them.

I think the reason is that both the perceived and real consequences of failure are not equal for autistics and NTs.

A mistake in the paperwork is brushed off as "honest" if it's from an NT person (probably due to the social advantage they have among themselves), and even corrected by the clerk as a show of solidarity and kindness. From an autistic person, the same mistake would be deemed either "misleading on purpose" or a result of "not giving a f*ck", and punished by an enforced redo, delays, fines, loss of rights and opportunities... the list goes on.

The failing here, I believe, isn't in the capability of comprehending the instructions for filling out forms but the inequality in the treatment we receive as a result of mistakes made during the form-filling as autistics vs Nts.

Sorry for the wall of text.

In summary, I believe our language about ourselves attribute a lot of issues we face as a result of societal mistreatment incorrectly to our personal failings, or at the very least, to the wrong skills and capabilities.

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