"i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?"
Oh, that makes a great deal of sense, and you have expressed it beautifully.
You also sound an awful lot like an autistic person, from your post... 👍😀 A 'provisional' welcome to our dance! 🤣