@CaptainJanegay@mastodon.coffee
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CaptainJanegay

@[email protected]

General-purpose northern lesbian. Don't like coffee (don't tell anyone). Autistic.

I'm a union official, I work at a co-op, I've previously been a pride organiser. Also a self-hosting nerd, fietser and occasional seamstress.

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

samiam, to actuallyautistic
@samiam@lor.sh avatar

@actuallyautistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

CaptainJanegay,
@CaptainJanegay@mastodon.coffee avatar

@samiam @actuallyautistic I spent a long time describing myself as "probably autistic", too. It's fine, there's no rush to come to a conclusion.

What helped me the most was seeking out lots of different accounts from different autistic people. I read lots of memoirs and essay collections and scientific studies (only the good ones, though - there are a LOT of very bad studies into autism). A lot of what I read didn't resonate with me, but...

CaptainJanegay,
@CaptainJanegay@mastodon.coffee avatar

@samiam @actuallyautistic ... I also saw all the things about my own life and experience that have never made sense, that have made me feel broken and like a different species from the people around me, represented in other autistic people's accounts of their own lives, often explained in ways I would never have been able to explain them. Nobody else, not even me, had ever understood me like that.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic tax:

  • All the clothes and foods you buy that don’t meet your sensory needs and can't be returned or that you can't return.

  • The costly taxis you take because public transport is too overwhelming.

  • All the necessary sensory tools you must buy to regulate your sensory experience - earplugs, stim toys, sunglasses.

List yours below.

@actuallyautistic #actuallyautistic

CaptainJanegay,
@CaptainJanegay@mastodon.coffee avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Before moving in with my partner, the cost of renting a flat instead of a room because I can't deal with other people in my space.

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