Flushmaster

@[email protected]

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

Flushmaster,

Commune is a fifth level spell. It only gets answers to three yes or no questions but that does mean that a ninth level cleric is able to literally talk to their god and have the god acknowledge and respond to them. Daily. Think for a moment about how anybody else would react to meeting someone that has conversations with a deity and isn’t just delusional.

Clerics are awesome.

Flushmaster,

Defaulting to a professional inquiry is a valid method of overcoming anxiety. Paladins are supposed to fight monsters. Aboleths are bad and tend to need disposed of. It’s a perfectly legitimate question. Out of left field, perhaps, but this apparently badass adventurer is probably the most likely person she’s met all day to actually have a line on some Aboleths blood.

Flushmaster,

When you try to outsmart the person who dictates the universal laws that control how the setting’s gods operate you’re just asking to have that attitude forcibly returned to you. Most likely in suppository form.

Flushmaster,

I think a lot of groups would try to play it like the episode “Crackers Don’t Matter,” but a lot would end up coming out more like an episode of Lexx.

Flushmaster,

“Shall I disrobe to make the moment more memorable?”

Flushmaster,

I used to be a repair tech for a company that makes postage meters and mail processing machines. Everything from a desktop stamping machine to big industrial sorters larger than some apartments I’ve lived in. I mainly worked on the big ones and the techs for the smaller machines liked to make fun of us for frequently defaulting to banging on stuff with hammers because we used the term “percussive maintenance” unironically. Also “four by four engineering,” used to describe employing a long wood 4x4 as a lever for lowering and raising the hundred and fifty pound gearbox from it’s inconveniently placed mounting on a certain model of inserter.

Flushmaster,

One of my favorite characters of all time would default to using her mace to open locks if the rogue wasn’t around.

Flushmaster,

“Homebrew” is usually code for “rules are boring I wanna do crazy super cool shit, no I don’t give a damn about game balance.”

Flushmaster,

Cast speak with dead, the victim will tell you who they are, how they died, who killed them, and whatever other two things you want to ask them.

Edit: I looked up your comic and read all the ones in the Konsi storyline. Very nice, cute, funny, and fun, particularly speaking as someone who identifies as a cleric main. Please make more. One question I have is what’s her divine domain?

Flushmaster,

DM says “That’s clearly not how the spell was ever intended to work and your explanation defies anything resembling common sense. You take two death save fails and lose the spell. Fuck off.”

Flushmaster,

My alignment as a DM is “Dubious Mercurial.”

Flushmaster,

If you’re able to do it in a way that’s actually enjoyable for the rest of the group, go for it. The problem with this sort of preference, however, is that a lot of people I’ve met and gamed with who set out with the specific intention of being “the weird one” end up just acting like annoying idiots. The ones who are good at it usually don’t try to be weird on purpose, at least not as a primary defining feature of their character. They just play something fun and it works out however it does. Contrary to the popularity of the Slappy meme, most people don’t enjoy playing with someone who thinks they’re an actual clown, especially if they’re bad at it. And if you must try to accomplish weirdness on purpose, do it in little bits, like the example in this comic. Be subtle and leave the polka dot costume, rainbow wig, and airhorn out of it.

Flushmaster,

I believe the proper way to signal to the government monitors that you’re just a nerd and not a serial killer is to simply add "5e” to the end of the search qiery (or whatever other edition or game system you’re using). Because people involved in cyber monitoring are all nerds too so they’ll recognize the lingo. Heck, if your search looks interesting enough they might even make up an alias and ask to join your game.

Flushmaster,

No. Aes Sedai are what lawyers want to be when they grow up. Also Aes Sedai do magic.

Flushmaster,

Does Southlander sound like Texan, Cajun, or Alabaman?

Flushmaster,

I thought logic would indicate a place based on the Middle East would have a Swedish accent.

Flushmaster,

Also it appears that he had bacon and eggs for breakfast. And now I’m hungry.

Flushmaster,

Past Self: “If you shoot me, won’t that mean you don’t exist to shoot me?”

Future Self: “Compared to the mess you left me in, nonexistence would be bliss. Now get to work unless you want me to find out if this is a single contiguous time loop or if I’m on a temporal tangent.”

Flushmaster,

What’s the typical stature of Eldar? Because IIRC Astartes are like either or nine feet tall, right?

Flushmaster,

Okay, I’ll bite. Wtf is this image from?

Flushmaster,

Okay, so that’s now in my memory. Also on my list of things that make me think, “what is the person who came up with this on and where can I get some?”

Flushmaster,

And Ray of Sickness actually flies over to the target and barfs magical vomit on them.

Flushmaster,

That’s Ray of Ban, and only the Moderator and Admin classes get access to it. Proper form is to display the sunglasses on your face while walking away from the target as it explodes.

Flushmaster,

Don’t forget that whatever situation you can possibly imagine, Pathfinder has a rule for that! No reworking required as long as you don’t mind stopping the game while you ctrl+F and read the results whenever somebody comes up with a new idea you haven’t prepared for because it’s literally a perfect system that accounts for everything.

Flushmaster,

Unless you’re restricting the parameters to official WotC content, the nature of an open license means literally anybody can make up whatever ridiculous dumbshit they want to.

Flushmaster,

I frequently see “sex positive” (like many other terms) being used by people who either don’t actually know what it means or just don’t care to defend juvenile stupid shit. Like almost everything NSFW that was posted on r/dndmemes as part of the protest effort against the API changes. Yes, I supported doing it as a protest measure, but any attempt to act like 99% of the content involved was anything resembling intelligent and independently worthy of being considered “art” beyond the strictest definition of the word was obvious bullshit. No, your image of a goblin being repeatedly raped as punishment for picking your pockets is nothing but base fetish porn, and describing your character defeating enemies by growing their dong to be a forty foot long spear and fucking them in half is, at best juvenile jackassery and maybe funny exactly once for about ten seconds. Any attempt to suggest either is legitimate and healthy entertainment worthy of repitition, emulation, and propagation is an indication that you are either twelve years old, inclined to be a sex offender, or possibly both.

Flushmaster,

I’m not saying that anything to do with sexual content is juvenile or even “deviant.” Everybody has their kinks and to each their own, as long as it doesn’t harm others.

I’m saying that nonstop “look it the titties and dicks lololol” is only amusing for a short time and not as a constant stream unless the viewers are hormonal adolescents or are full adults with the mindset and immaturity of adolescents. And rape focused content or killing things with one’s genitals is the kind of thing that directly appeals to people with an unhealthy sexual fixation and a desire to harm others, which is what makes sex offenders. Or incels, who are just as bad for different but often adjacent reasons.

Flushmaster,

Yes. I thought that was pretty obvious. All Knights Radiant would be paladins, with each order having their own specific oaths. Because each order already has it’s own specific oaths and gain specific powers from swearing and abiding by them. It’s probably the single most direct analog between 5e class and fantasy badass from another medium that you’re going to find. Also Kaladin in particular has the “classic” paladin vibe of being Lawful Good and wanting to protect the weak, smite the evil, etc. Then there’s the Skybreakers who would be the Lawful Stupid stereotype, basically worshipping law for the sake of law and insisting on brutal and remorseless execution of it to the letter in all cases and refusing to acknowledge any sort of extenuating circumstances whatsoever.

Also while I’m quite sure Sanderson was at least working on drafts for Stormlight well before 5e came out he did used to play a lot of D&D as well as some other TTRPGs. I’ve seen a post by him where he said he hasn’t really played much at all since becoming a professional writer because he would feel burnt out telling stories for a job then trying to relax by telling more stories, which is why he switched to playing MtG to relax. I would say his magic systems generally tend to at least partially resemble and incorporate elements of game design and balance because they all have very specific capabilities and limitations (see Sanderson’s Laws of Magic).

Flushmaster,

There’s a sorcerer over here yelling something about how his grandmother wasn’t a turkey.

Flushmaster,

Honestly I’m not sure. I’m a cleric of the Porcelain God and there isn’t anything in our dogma or scriptures about whether or not dragons used to have feathers. Not really my purview.

Flushmaster, (edited )

I was totally going to reference this myself and you beat me to it.

This is actually sort of similar to my usual character creation process. I start with some basic concept and/or gimmick that’s usually a little bit silly, corny, intentionally weird, etc, then I add to it until I’ve built a proper character around that goofy idea. I made an “anti-edgelord” bubbly church girl cleric that inadvertantly became a badass magical girl and grizzled war veteran. A barbarian that wears clothes made entirely from skunk skins and acts like a wise woodsman calling himself “the striped sage” even though he’s mostly full of crap (but really good at hitting things with an axe). A rogue fleeing his home city because he got the sheriff’s daughter pregnant while she was in a rebellious phase and slumming it with riffraff (her father is very unhappy). Most recently a druid with the noble background and concept of “rich kid college dropout runaway vagrant hippy chick” that the DM approved “but you’re not just a noble you’re a full on runaway princess.”

You get a clear gimmick to start with that works as an icebreaker with the party and an easy beginning point for roleplaying. You can play up that gimmick as much as you want to, or even hint at it and make it something your character is obviously trying to hide or minimize. Once the gimmick is established you start adding the serious parts you’ve built up around the gimmick. Conversely you could introduce them as a straight laced, serious character then start hinting at the weird gimmick or just spring it on everybody at an unexpected time to get that wonderful WTF reaction when the other players notice it. Either way it gives you a solid starting point that you can build and develop your character from as they interact with other PCs and the world in general.

Edit: This method also works great for making memorable NPCs if you’re the DM. Take the basic narrative function you need the NPC for (merchant, quest giver, distressed citizen, local lord/lady, etc) give them a mildly weird gimmick that will stick in players’ minds.

Flushmaster,

All of that fiery stuff is actually defensive. Those are flares that are launched en masse to divert incoming heat seaking missiles. There’s usually a bunch of antiradar chaff getting launched too but it isn’t very visible. So it would be providing a bonus to Armor Class. The effect is sometimes called the “angel flare” because from head on all the fire and smoke patterns resemble angel wings (this mage is zoomed in to much to show the full pattern).

Flushmaster,

Closest any of my recent parties have done to a heist was rescuing an NPC from bad faith indentured servitude in a brothel. It started with the artificer and necromancer invisible and the rogue dressed in drag (I convinced the DM that I should get advantage on impersonating a woman because my character is an elf). The whole thing went pretty much as I expected. The soundtrack would have started with Yakkity Sax (aka the Benny Hill song) and ended with Disco Inferno.

The best part was about five minutes after the fireball threshold was reached, a player who had recently had to drop from the game due to a work schedule change popped into the voice call on her lunch break to see how we were doing. I said her warlock would be proud of us. “What are you burning down now?” “Another brothel!” “Oh, neat!”

Flushmaster,

Considering that a real world new recruit who’s only martial experience is about 8-10 weeks of basic training would probably be a second or maybe even third level fighter, first level characters aren’t very impressive. If there’s an actual zero next to “Experience” on your character sheet you aren’t a grizzled veteran and you haven’t seen anything rougher than a barfight. You probably lost that fight, too.

Flushmaster,

This is why you don’t allow homebrew from idiots.

Flushmaster,

And now the group knows the DM has…that.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • random
  • uselessserver093
  • Food
  • aaaaaaacccccccce
  • test
  • CafeMeta
  • testmag
  • MUD
  • RhythmGameZone
  • RSS
  • dabs
  • KamenRider
  • Ask_kbincafe
  • TheResearchGuardian
  • KbinCafe
  • Socialism
  • oklahoma
  • SuperSentai
  • feritale
  • All magazines
    •