Rakqoi

Rakqoi, 6 months ago

I’m polyamorous myself, with a girlfriend of about 18 months and another of nearly a year. Both my relationships are stable and very fulfilling, and also relaxed and laid-back. It takes more communication to have it work but for me I can’t even imagine living any other way, polyamory feels right for me and me and my partners are happier than we’ve ever been.

Granted, my relationships aren’t a case of opening an existing partnership, but rather I talked about the fact that I’m polyamorous to each partner very early on before we even considered a relationship. Most drama I’ve seen in polyamory comes from one partner in a monogamous pair wanting “more” and so the decision is pretty one sided, and neither is willing to really put in the work and communication that healthy polyamory requires. Every polyamorous person I know that started their relationships as polyamorous is healthy and happy in their partnerships.

Rakqoi, 6 months ago

I’m really happy it’s working out for you! I’m not saying that all existing partnerships opening to polyamory are doomed to fail or are inferior in any way, just that from what I’ve seen they’re much harder to pull off, possibly because people tend to open relationships for the wrong reasons. But when it does work out and everyone involved is entirely on board and is willing to put in the work, they can absolutely be beautiful and healthy relationships.

Rakqoi, 6 months ago

I can’t help but feel like Valve has somewhat dropped the ball by not releasing it yet, at least for other handheld manufacturers to use in their own devices. As it is, the Steam Deck is the only handheld PC that I know of that uses linux, and all the companies jumping on the bandwagon with competition are all using windows. It feels to me like Valve’s attempt at making linux the de facto standard handheld OS for gaming devices has slipped away by now, which is really unfortunate.

Of course, the Steam Deck is still the most popular handheld gaming PC (in large part I’m sure due to low cost and the convenience of SteamOS) so it’s not like it has been a failure at getting more gamers on linux, but I’d guess that if they released SteamOS 3 alongside the Steam Deck it would have made a much bigger dent in the market.

Rakqoi, 6 months ago

What happened to omega strikers?

edit: oh snap they’re ending development already. That’s kinda sad, I had a bit of fun with it when it released. but it’s ending way sooner than i would have thought…

Rakqoi, 7 months ago

This is an excellent explanation with so much information that I have learned the hard way! Especially the points about not being ashamed, emphasis on communication and boundaries, and not stretching yourself too thin with too many partners.

Depending on your needs, your partners’ needs, and your (possibly multiple) relationship style(s), I’d say even three partners can quickly become a “full time” endeavor, which could end up with nobody feeling fulfilled if you’re not careful (plus the burnout is a very real threat)

I’d also emphasize more that opening an existing mono relationship to become ethically non-monogamous is a very difficult thing, and it’s very easy for your partner to take it poorly for one of a million reasons/assumptions. The relationship must be very secure and both parties need to be very mature and experienced and open to new ideas for even the conversation about it to end well, in my experience.

I’m not saying to throw out an existing happy relationship when I say this, but I just want to mention that it’s significantly easier to start from the beginning by only dating people who have experience with polyamorous relationships, once you have decided that polyamory is right for you.

It’s the same as with any other thing in the LGBTQ+ space, you can’t decide about it, you just are.

This isn’t an opinion shared by everyone who is ENM! But it makes me personally really happy to read from someone else. Yes, being in a poly relationship is a choice, but at least for me personally, being poly is just as much a core part of my identity as being asexual and panromantic, and just as much a choice (that is… not at all).

For me, I always was and will be poly at heart regardless of being in a poly or mono relationship, and I’ll always feel “incomplete” in a sense unless I can share my love and my life and my passions and struggles with more than just one person. Maybe my anecdote will offer some insights into what you’re feeling, OP.

Having partners who love that you are poly is so much more fulfilling than just having partners who tolerate it begrudgingly or refuse to let you even acknowledge that aspect of yourself.

It takes a LOT of time and effort to manually tear down one’s learned assumptions about what relationships are and should be, and build your own set of relationship guidelines from the ground up, personalized for you and your partners’ needs and desires. But the result of that hard work is more beautiful and fulfilling and true to oneself than any relationship built on traditional assumptions and expectations. (that applies to mono relationships, too)

Good luck on your journey, OP, and I hope you discover what’s best for you and pursue it to live your best life ^^

Rakqoi, 7 months ago

Oh that’s definitely true hehe… it’s probably never a good idea to approach polyamory expecting a triangle relationship or even striving for it… it’s already difficult to find people accepting of polyamory that you are compatible with, let alone two people who you are compatible with who are also perfectly compatible with each other.

My partners are pretty happy barely interacting with each other currently, mostly due to lacking common interests. At best, my partners in the past have been good friends who support each other. Only once was the prospect of a triangle relationship even on the table but that didn’t end up working out due to people drifting apart before we even gave it a chance. and my one poly friend that was in a 4-person polycule only was for all of a month before two people left the relationship.

Realistically, V style relationships (of varying complexity and “chain length”) are much more common and stable in my experience, and I think anyone interested in polyamory should take that into account when setting their expectations.

Rakqoi, 8 months ago

There is/was a fan made version of this in development! I don’t know the status of it currently, and I heard that development was rocky for a while… and they haven’t posted on the blog since 2020. But take a look anyway!

seaofgreed.com

Rakqoi, 8 months ago

it is absolutely worth it. It’s so life-changing that it’s worth the struggles to get on a medication. I’m on Adderall, and have tried Focalin and Ritalin but neither worked for me (caused anxiety among other issues), once you find the right medication for you it’ll change your life for the better.

Also for what it’s worth, it might not be as hard as it seems to get diagnosed and get a prescription. I originally went to my family doctor talking about my experience and research into ADHD, and she prescribed a low dose of Adderall that day. The real hassle, at least for me, has been having to remember to call every month to have the doctor refill my prescription, and scheduling and attending appointments every 3 months. There are no auto-refills for stimulants, at least in the US, because it’s so federally regulated. and it’s a medication you’ll be on for life most likely. even so, it’s definitely worth it in my opinion.

Rakqoi, 8 months ago

From my understanding it’s uncommon but worth asking about! I started seeing a psychiatrist shortly after to manage it further, and still see one to this day for 3 month check ins (and to manage various other conditions). I doubt my GP would have been willing to raise my dosage as high as I needed it, but it was a good starting point then because I was already on the medications, it has been easy to transfer to other doctors and continue getting my prescriptions. I’ve never been screened for ADHD or anything like that.

Rakqoi, 10 months ago

Here’s one I genuinely love and hate at the same time. In Dark Souls and Elden Ring, you drop your souls/runes (currency) on the spot where you last died, and if you die again before recovering them, they’re lost forever. You get souls and runes by killing enemies and generally progressing, so this leads to some interesting scenarios.

One one hand, it incentivizes you to spend your currency (to minimize risk of losing it) instead of just sitting on it, forcing you to make decisions on how you spend it, and whether to take the risk to save up to get more expensive items or level ups. It also forces you to play very deliberately, since there’s a penalty, but only if you die twice.

But… it makes me scared to progress, because I don’t know what to expect, and I don’t want to risk losing my souls/runes. Unless I have just recently lost everything and I have nothing to lose, I feel pressured to play overly carefully and never take risks and play the game in the most fun way possible, out of fear of loss. And even when I DO die and lose my currency, the freedom to play in risky ways only lasts for a short time, because as I kill enemies I start to build up my souls or runes again, and then I’m back in the same situation of not wanting to lose them.

I think that’s the main reason why I haven’t finished Elden Ring despite getting so close to the end. That overly careful playstyle is not very fun, but I can’t get over that fear of losing my runes in order to enjoy the game more.

Rakqoi, 10 months ago

I have several hundred hours across the 3 souls games and ER, and I totally get that it’s a well designed mechanic, which is why I love it. and yeah, I know that valuing souls too much is a mental trap that prevents me from enjoying the game, but I just can’t shake it in Elden Ring for some reason, despite doing so more easily in souls games. (though, it especially sucks in DS2 because of soul memory but that’s a whole can of worms)

The souls series is one of my favorite game series of all time, and I would definitely not change the blood stain mechanic whatsoever because I think it’s about perfect. Especially with rings of sacrifice (or the weird twigs) and homeward bones to give you chances to mitigate the penalty when you really think you need to. It’s excellently designed and forces you to improve at the game.

Despite that, it still causes me hesitation and demotivates me from playing the games sometimes. I have to be in a specific mood to want to improve at a game, and I’m in that mood less often as I have more things I need to spend my time on, and usually play games just to relax and have an easier time nowadays. I still love Elden Ring to death and it’s genuinely one of the best games ever made (in my opinion), and yet I have a love/hate relationship with death mechanics in these games.

Rakqoi, 10 months ago

Armored Core 3! I was interested in AC6 coming out in a month, so I decided to jump into the older games to get a taste of the series beforehand. AC1 was very clunky and difficult for a newcomer to the series, that’s for sure. After a bit I decided to skip to 3 since I heard it was a good entry point to the series.

I’ve been having so much fun! I spend way more time customizing and tweaking my mech and theory-crafting new builds than I actually spend doing missions. I’ve mostly done arena fights, since they’re less stressful (no ammo or repair costs), but the entire game is great so far.

Now having played this, I’m more excited for Armored Core 6 than I thought I would be, and I cannot WAIT for it to release.

Rakqoi, 10 months ago

In the same vein, Satisfactory and Dyson Sphere Program. I love planning and optimizing and it feels great to plan it on paper then build it in the game, only to run into countless problems, distractions, and rabbit holes of things to do to achieve my goals, requiring taking countless more notes to keep track of it all. Definitely one of my favorite genres of games.

Rakqoi, 10 months ago

When the Steam Deck was first announced, I was so excited for it that I figured it was as good a time as any to switch to linux on my desktop, to get familiar with in in advance of the Steam Deck release. I wanted more control over my PC, and I’ve been wanting to switch to linux for ages, but it was something I kept putting off just because I knew it would be quite a time sink to learn to use it.

I was surprised with how simple linux really was. I started with Kubuntu and hopped to Garuda, to be able to use the AUR, and I’ve been in love with linux to the point where I never even boot into windows despite still having it installed. I just have never felt the need, and windows now feels so clunky and not very personalized to my preferences.