@silverhuang@mastodon.social
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

silverhuang

@[email protected]

Mentor for people who sense, feel and think in unique ways.

I’ve moved! 🚛 I’m now ‪https://kind.social/@silverhuang at kind.social. See you there! 👋🏼

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

silverhuang, to actuallyautistic
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

I’m meta-observing my interactions on @actuallyautistic and have noted that I start too many replies with the word “absolutely” to express an emphatic YES!

I need to diversify my vocabulary… 😅

26pglt, to actuallyautistic
@26pglt@mastodon.au avatar

Hey pals, this looks interesting! Online summit (not sure what that means!) on , grooming & coercive control. 27.11 to 1.12. Free.

@actuallyautistic @allautistics @actuallyadhd

Via Ann Memmot on BlueSky

https://ndconnection.co.uk/gccsummit2023

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@26pglt @actuallyautistic @allautistics @actuallyadhd An online summit is usually a large educational event held online through web conferencing software. They do vary though. Some are non-participatory, i.e. you just view the presentation, but often you can ask questions via text chat. Others involve group activities, like break-out group discussions. Always good to check before joining!

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

When people hear “autistic people don’t like change” they think we mean cancelled events or moving house.

Both true - but it’s much wider. Friendship changes. Loss. Sometimes it’s other things, like being disconcerted by objects being moved. Even changing of seasons.

@actuallyautistic

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic My partner and I call it state change difficulties. It can be as simple as the both of us playing a game for the past two hours, and I suddenly remember we need to get groceries now because the shops are closing in a few hours. WHAM! We suddenly have to state change on multiple levels. Sedentary to mobile, inside to outside, executive function from offline to online, etc. It is difficult every single time. 😵 Yet it is "just” shopping!

independentpen, to actuallyautistic
@independentpen@mas.to avatar

Hey @actuallyautistic how do you pace yourself at an office job? I've been contracting for years but as of this week I'm an employee. My style of work is all or nothing, but I sense that isn't going to be sustainable in this context, and I suspect the allistics aren't working like that either anyway. How do you reset or recharge throughout the workday? How do you know if you're doing "enough" versus overperforming? How do you take care of yourself in socially sanctioned ways?

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@independentpen @actuallyautistic If you’re also going to be in an office space with others, consider that you may be sensitive to everyone’s vibe, sound, movement, etc. Start there because being overwhelmed can derail anything else you plan.

I suspect, if you’re like most of us, your issue will be doing too much, too fast, too well! This may sound weird, but consider doing less for a start, simply because that’s more measurable. This may help energy management.

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@independentpen @actuallyautistic I’ve found toilet cubicles to be the most consistently reliable, safe place for me to take breaks to decompress, but that depends on whether public toilets feel safe and comfortable for you, too.

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@independentpen @actuallyautistic Oh, I hear you about not knowing how to slow down or do less! Fun story: One time, I spent a week designing a program, and the people I tested it on said, “Good, but cut it back 50%; too detailed, people won’t follow.” So I spent 6 hours next time. “Great! Cut it back to 2%!” I came home and raged. 😅

My partner struggles with this at work, too, and his trick is to tell himself to be LAZY. I kid you not! It works. Kind of. 😛

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@independentpen @actuallyautistic 😢 I'm so sorry to hear that! 🫂 Yes, indeed. I hope you are able to have some quiet time now to decompress.

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@independentpen @actuallyautistic Ooh, haha, that question requires an essay. From my brain, anyway. The issue is differences in definitions and intentions of usage of the word. You and I probably define “lazy” as failing to meet the minimum required standards. But “lazy” can also be used manipulatively.

Perhaps you can get clear on the minimum standards required from your role and meet those only as a start and re-assess over time.

clouddweller, to actuallyautistic
@clouddweller@raccoon.place avatar

Does anyone else @actuallyautistic have the problem of the jokes they make worrying people. Like people think my mental health is worse than it is sometimes because I make jokes about it… but it’s part of how I process and sometimes it’s actually just funny. I’m not talking self harm references, more casual void talk and the standard irony poisoning I thought all millennials were in on….

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@clouddweller @actuallyautistic Absolutely! We experience, process and express things (well, everything 🤣) differently from most.

Unless a person has exposure to a variety of experiences and expressions, they can only understand it from their own limited context. If what they witness falls into their cultural bucket of “dat not good, “ that's usually how they'll respond.

Unfortunately, openness and curiosity are not valued and taught much in our world.

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@GreenRoc @clouddweller @actuallyautistic Weird as it seems to say, we are allowed to worry people! We can take up space, and impacting others (within reason) is human. The only way not to affect anything or anyone is to reduce ourselves to nothingness. The only thing that doesn’t affect anything is nothing. It’s so dehumanising.

Getting older is definitely helpful. We give less of a ****. Fill with your preferred four-letter word, profane, profound or otherwise. 😁

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@CynAq @clouddweller @actuallyautistic @GreenRoc I did fear that this kind of communal psychological safety is becoming rare, so I, too, am so grateful to be here!

It can do WONDERS to support our healing from years, decades, of repeated traumas. We know the power of a single kind word or gesture, but it has an accumulative effect when repeated by many people over time.

It shows our nervous system that safety IS possible, and that is so, so powerful. ❤️

passis, to actuallyautistic
@passis@neurodifferent.me avatar

I've been focussing lately on Autistic Culture and what could constitute it. I know many of us still know autism through the medical lense/culture, but we are much more! And we must learn about it, because if we don't, others will appropriate what's ours and use it against us, as many ABA and EMDR therapists are already doing.

There are many examples I can think of from the top of my head as to what could be autistic culture, like stimming, comfortable clothes, noise-canceling phones, taking your time to answer to instant messages (and knowing that this time is ok), alternative ways of communication, fidget or stim toys, dinosaur hands (and the corresponding dinosaur emoji🦖), the golden infinity symbol :audhd: , safe foods and safe spaces, etc... But I want to know more from everyone here! Can you help me?

What do you personally consider to be Autistic Culture? Is there anything you personally do related to that? And how is it?

Also, what do you see other autistic people do that you could consider to be Autistic Culture? And why is that?

Also, if you could use the hashtag it could help me to find your ideas and perhaps we can start understanding that autism is not a disease or a disorder, but a valid social identity with our own shared culture and values! I'll try to add to this toot-line/thread all the other ideas and toots I can find about it!

Thanks!!

@actuallyautistic

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@passis @actuallyautistic Clarity. Our dedication to clarity is what I believe drives our dedication towards themes like authenticity, ethics, congruence, justice, etc. This is definitely one of our major traits that sets us apart for it drives why we care and how hard we care for things that seem invisible or negligible to others unlike us.

Autistrain, to neurodiversity
@Autistrain@neurodifferent.me avatar

I don't know if I already wrote about this psychologist. I met a psychologist, and we talked about autism and what it's to be . It was really nice with good arguments. The psychologist didn't judge autists and wanted to learn about us. When we came to language, I talked about neuro-affirmaive language and how it's moving in this domain. We see more and more papers about it. I didn't receive any objection from this therapist. Better, the therapist asked me to send to it the paper and references, so he could have sources and learn.

We can meet pleasant people who as the will to learn and don't say that they know better because of an academic diploma.

@actuallyautistic @neurodiversity

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@Autistrain @actuallyautistic @neurodiversity That is beautiful; thank you for sharing it! Finding a therapist who is curious and humble enough to learn is rare, and the rest of us need to know that they DO exist out there! Even though the journey to find them is often hard, it still gives us hope.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

I'm autistic, so I guess it's natural that I will never, ever be able to understand exactly when is the correct time to add my point to a group conversation.

Watching the conversation move onto a totally different topic, while a really good point is left unsaid, is a very specific autistic sadness.

@actuallyautistic

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic Ha, I feel seen!

Others: Waltzing into a room on a breeze, wafting perfume in their wake, nodding and smiling sagely to everyone as they pass.

Me: Face planted so hard against the window pane, the glass breaks and I stumble-smash through, trip and somehow end up in the punchbowl, backwards.

Jokes aside, in public spaces, I often err on the side of saying less and spending more time listening to attune to the flow as best I can.

silverhuang,
@silverhuang@mastodon.social avatar

@sentient_water @markusl @Susan60 @jyrgenn @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic After years of unintentionally overwhelming one another, my partner and I now have a system where we can signal a stop to one another when we seriously can’t handle a verbal info dump, and a private Twist chat channel where we can info dump whatever whenever because the other person can read at their own time and reading is often easier for us!

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