roknrol

roknrol, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic my experience...that's about it.

Not much of a 'time donater' usually.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic My mother and I get along wonderfully. I have talked to her at least once a week since I moved out (some 30 years ago). When she dies I will be devastated.

I have two sisters...one older than me by 8 years, the other by 4. I get along with both of them, with conditions. The eldest...we don't know each other all that well. The age/gender difference was just too great growing up. We've gotten a little closer as we've aged, but still, not really close.

My other sister is...troubled. She has a history of making shit up, so I really do try to keep my distance from her. Outside of that we get along ok.

My dad died when I was 19, and good fucking riddance. He was a piece of shit.

Cousins may as well be strangers.

I used to say that the best family is the one you choose for yourself, but I apparently did a shite job of that as well since I'm leaving the fuck out of them.

On average, no. We don't really get along.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic To me it means not pretending to be like other people.

I don't believe it would be possible for me to "completely" unmask, because I find the less masked I am, the more of an asshole I appear to be to NTs.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@haui @actuallyautistic All the time. People that spend any amount of time with me eventually learn to take me seriously.

Sometimes I have luck with strangers but for that I have to have REAL clarity of thought to be able to walk them to my conclusion. They still don't usually believe me, but that's on them.

"I told you so" is going to be on my headstone, I think.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@KatLS @haui @actuallyautistic I still maintain and do what's right for me, regardless of what the people around me are thinking or doing. Sometimes this makes me unpopular. Sometimes I miss out on stuff that would have been fun (it sucks when I'm wrong).

But either by statistics or confirmation bias, I seem to be correct more often than incorrect and that has given me the confidence that I need in order to maintain. Usually 😉

roknrol, 6 months ago

@KatLS @haui @actuallyautistic My brain doesn't operate that way 😞

I suspect that's why my opinion of fellow humans is so low, and why it feels absolutely like the right thing to do to isolate and only allow myself small doses of human interaction.

Here's an example: Right now my wife has basically invited the entirety of her family to live with us. Her adult son and his girlfriend, their infant daughter, my wife's niece, and her neice's mom.

Each one of these people has had COVID (her son gave it to me and my wife both over a year ago) and know how much it sucks.

I have a major comorbidity (heart disease and I literally last week just had a bypass, so, you know, major vascular surgery).

The neice, the neice's mom, and "someone else" in the house have a persistent cough.

We have boxes and boxes of N95 masks.

Not one person in the household wears one. Not one. I've asked. I've repeated that I'm already sick and that getting sick could fucking KILL me. Not one mask.

So, I live in my office and the shop. Doors closed, nobody else allowed inside. If I have to walk through the house where other people are I hold my breath or mask up, but I just endeavor to not ever be in the same room as any of them.

Do I want a relationship with my family? Sure. But I'd rather be alive. And if their consideration of me is so low that a legitimate fucking request like that is ignored (by so called progressives) then they can do without my company, participation, or relationship.

I'm not going to sacrifice "reality" so that someone else can feel better about things...I just haven't got it in me. Rather be alone than live in a lie, you know?

roknrol, 6 months ago

@alexisbushnell @KatLS @haui @actuallyautistic Don't be. Every day is a reminder of why, as soon as I'm done healing and the house in France is purchased, I'm moving and divorcing her. She has destroyed my life and it took me 25 years to recognize it.

At this point every day is just another checkmark going, "Yup...and there's another one."

The funny thing is that I have about 10 different ongoing stories that I could have just as easily dropped into that toot and made the exact same point.

Thank you for the sympathy/empathy...I am too strong to let her break me.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@alexisbushnell @KatLS @haui @actuallyautistic I just had my surgery a week ago...I won't be fit to travel for at least another 4-6 weeks, maybe longer, so that's the earliest.

We're also still waiting to pay for the house - we've done literally everything else, but now apparently there's a "hold" while they "offer the house to the community" in case someone else wants to buy it or something? I have no idea...I thought we were done with the process lol.

Anyway, all we have to do is pay, and the money is literally sitting in our account waiting for a direction to send it in.

About 80% of my shit is packed and ready to go and I suspect the last 20% will go quick when I'm ready to pull the trigger. I have to make arrangements to ship it.

Also, I'm waiting for disability, but it seems like that's progressing through the system and hoping that "any day now" they'll wrap up.

That sounds like a lot more than it actually is. 😉

roknrol, 6 months ago

@KatLS @haui @actuallyautistic
I hadn't intended to bump this, but remember the coughing?

What had been a cough about every half hour to an hour three days ago has now turned into a "throat clearing cough" about every 5-15 seconds.

Hmm...my prediction is that my wife will be coughing within a week, and that my niece is going to spend her Christmas with COVID.

Prediction for myself? At the risk of hubris, I think I managed to avoid it this time. I'm not getting so much as a tickle at any point in my throat. I'm coughing about 1 time per day, usually right after I wake up, mainly to bring crap up out of my lungs because I'm still trying to shed the last few cigarettes that I smoked. You can bet your ass I'm gonna continue to isolate like a motherfucker, and if my WIFE thinks she's going to share my air while she's sick she's got another thing coming.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Be your own best advocate...other people are, at best, unreliable.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic A necessary evil. If you plan well, though, you can minimize some of your stress.

I check my bags. As much as I despise not being able to keep eyes on my shit, getting through security with your crap is a bigger problem.

I wear shoes that are easy to take off and put on (In the US, so you're basically getting a colonoscopy before they let you board.

I take my phone, headphones, a book, my medications...that's about it.

Arrive early to reduce the panic of having to rush to your destination. This isn't helpful for connecting flights, but you can control your initial departure quite a bit.

Headphones, of course, help immensely. I also wear t-shirts that help: "Not shy. Just don't like you." or "Stop petting my peeves" or "My name is Fuck Off."

Remembering to breath slowly. No amount of panic is going to change any airline employee's urgency if they have to deal with you.

And finally, by remembering that most people are mostly assholes most of the time and that airports are inherently stressful for EVERYONE helps me to not take things too personally.

Follow the signs. Don't be afraid to ask staff for directions.

Lastly, just understand the process so that you're not confused.

1. Arrive at airport. Check in (via kiosk or if you're checking your baggage, there)

2. Get through security as quickly as possible. There will be a lot of standing in line, but you do NOT want to be behind security and running out of time to make your flight.

3. Find your gate. This is where you board your plane, so get there as quickly as possible. You can find food and bathrooms relative to your gate once you get there and you know you have enough time.

4. Be patient. Find ways. Puzzle books, games on your phone, or even just staring off into space if that's what you're good at.

5. People are going to be rude inconsiderate assholes. It's a guarantee. You can't fix them. Just stay away from them once you've identified them.

6. Throughout, make sure that your gate does not change. You won't always hear an announcement, so if you pass one of those boards that lists departures, CHECK. Just in case.

7. It will almost certainly stress you out. Relegate yourself to that so that you're not surprised later.

That's all I got.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic We aren't fans of it either.

Unfortunately our Government has rules that if we don't feel like following the rules at the airport, we don't feel like flying.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@fluffykittycat @Dr_Obvious @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic America is a promise. One that has, for approaching three centuries, remained unfulfilled.

I remember similar promises from religion and i suspect that the US is goingmto continue to make that promise with no intention of following through on it.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@Dr_Obvious @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic That is often the best way to move forward, much as i hate it.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@kkffoo @actuallyautistic Not in any healthy ways. Put in more calories than you burn...for me that means unhealthy junk that after a short time makes me feel like shit.

I check my weight every morning so i know how i should treat my days.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@arcana @actuallyautistic Smart!

I tend to overuse parentheticals and emphasis marks..../sarc tags have been helpful too.

I may use your idea more...that's a good one.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@Susan60 @arcana @actuallyautistic The value of an editor. It's another Amazon casualty.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@Susan60 @arcana @actuallyautistic Everyone* is convinced (myself included) that they can do everything themselves. We're not ALL wrong, but most of us are.

*literally everyone, but i'm saying that figuratively.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic From what I can tell, I don't.

I've had a lot of people in my environment die, but most of them were people that I didn't know very well or just someone I worked with or whatever. My dad died when I was 19 and if I grieved at all it was for a lifetime of drama that my family had to put up with before he did the decent thing and ate a bullet.

That's the "a lot". I've had a couple - very small number - of friends, two of which could be considered close that died unexpectedly. One was heart condition and his health wasn't great to begin with, so not much of a surprise even though it certainly wasn't planned. The other was tragic - I worked with a girl Sabrina.

I quit the job and moved on, she stayed behind for a few years. She eventually got fired, I think because she wanted to be paid a living wage, and they fired her. While she still had insurance she figured she should get a check-up while looking for a new job and she was diagnosed with TB.

I don't have the details, but shortly after getting the TB meds she went into renal failure...died a few days later. I saw her in the hospital the day before she died and was one of the only white people at her open casket funeral. I didn't care for the corpse.

There have been a few times when I've seen a woman that resembled her and I felt a little saddened by it, but still...not what I would consider grief.

I've lost pets...those always seem to hit harder, but there's still not much in the way of tears.

I'm not sure if I'm broken or practical.

Everyone and everything dies. There are 8 billion people alive right now that in 150 years time will absolutely be dead. Just seems easier to recognize and understand that. Our time here is fleeting. <shrug>

roknrol, 6 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic Anything that I don't want other people to know, I do not write down. Ever.

The closest I get to journaling is whatever you call whatever it is that I do here.

roknrol, 6 months ago

@f1337 @actuallyautistic yes, categorically so. Suicide is scary, but if it's out of my hands who am i to complain?

roknrol, 6 months ago

@poloniousmonk @autisticadvocacy @autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic I consider myself a good and decent person. Nowhere on the packaging does it say "nice". I do not consider those states to be contradictory.

roknrol, 7 months ago

@punishmenthurts @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I have been kind of struggling with this too. I dont think that i like the notion of my personality or approach to life being considered a 'disability', but i can't dispute that i seem divergent from what i would consider 'normal' people. That both of those opinions seem to marry up pretty closely with how NT's view things, i kind of just mentally throw my hands up with an exasperated 'whatever'.

roknrol, 7 months ago

@punishmenthurts @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic And you're absolutely correct, of course. Still, habitual thinking is habitual, and i'm old lol.

It certainly doesnt seem that allistic thinking conveys any real evolutionary benefit.

roknrol, 7 months ago

@punishmenthurts @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic I think evolution requires a spectrum, and depending on what is needed and when largely determines survival.

It's the closest thing to blind chance that i can think of.

Im not sure if this thought strays too far from the conversation...sorry lol

roknrol, 7 months ago

@IPmonger @actuallyautistic @JeremyMallin I use people's names when I first meet them because it goes a fair way toward not forgetting their name later.

Generally though, I don't socialize. There are maybe a half-dozen people that I engage with regularly, usually on the phone, and since there's only one other person on the call names aren't really necessary.

roknrol, 7 months ago

@IPmonger @JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic I dont usually interact if it's optional lol 😆

Im more inclined to use a person's name when i first meet them than at any other time.

roknrol, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic At times my empathy button seems broken; I will approach many emotionally charged events with clinical detachment, always expecting that I can just react emotionally "later", but I never seem to get around to that point.

There are other times, though, that I can't handle. Like, I can watch horror movies and whatever entrails appear on screen, but watching a surgical show or footage of an accident it turns my stomach.

roknrol, 7 months ago

@theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic That fitting in is a NT requirement and one that doesn't have to apply to me.