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infinitesoleil

@[email protected]

31 | she/her | USA | BTS, SKZ, SVT | Also love JUNNY, DAY6, and Epik High. Growing Colde fan.

Part-time BTS rpf writer. Full-time social worker. Lover of books, music, food, and dogs. Will post about fanfic, k-pop, k-dramas, books, true crime, and lgbtq+ themes.

https://infinitesoleil.carrd.co

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The Last Human by Zack Jordan.

@bookstodon

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The Loneliest Girl in the Universe by Lauren James. @bookstodon

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

The fact that the main character reads and writes fanfiction is so amusing to me. It’s even set up the way fanfic is on AO3.

Title
Author

Fandom Name
Relationship
Tags
Summary

Author’s Note

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@bookstodon

I like this Amanda Hamilton poem that Kya recites.

"I must let go now.
Let you go.
Love is too often
The answer for staying.
Too seldom the reason
For going.
I drop the line
And watch you drift away.

"All along
You thought
The fiery current
Of your lover's breast
Pulled you to the deep.
But it was my heart-tide
Releasing you
To float adrift
With seaweed."

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

Her favorite poem:

"Fading moon, follow
My footsteps
Through light unbroken
By land shadows,
And share my senses
That feel the cool
Shoulders of silence.

"Only you know
How one side of a moment
Is stretched by loneliness
For miles
To the other edge,
And how much sky
Is in one breath
When time slides backward
From the sand.”

If anyone understood loneliness, the moon would.

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Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens. I’ve been meaning to read this for a while now. The motion picture is on Netflix, and I told myself I wouldn’t watch it until /after/ I read the book.

@bookstodon

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None of this is True by Lisa Jewel. @bookstodon @bookstodon

infinitesoleil,
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Josie Fair is weird…

18+ infinitesoleil,
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I knew Josie was weird for taking a nespresso pod and the downstairs toilet’s hand soap from Alix’s house, but now she’s even going through the recycling bin to take things????? Something is wrong with her. This feels like one of those situations where the person becomes obsessed with another person they envy and they slowly start to change aspects of themselves to mimic the object of their obsession… They start dressing like them, talking like them, walking like them, etc… all to end up trying to take over this person’s life.

Josie wants to be Alix so badly… I’m thinking the fact that she was groomed by a 40 something year old man when she was a teenager and then married him plays a huge factor in this.

18+ infinitesoleil,
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Josie’s weird ass has progressed to stealing jewelry from Alix’s house????? And texting her love hearts????

18+ infinitesoleil,
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4.5 stars.

I think I first heard about this book while listening to an ad on a Rotten Mango podcast episode, and I was drawn to it because of my love for true crime, mystery, thriller, and suspense. The idea of a podcaster becoming the subject of her own podcast was fascinating to me, and I couldn't wait to dive into it.

Lisa Jewell did such a great job crafting these characters and their storylines. I knew after Janie followed Alix to the restroom in that restaurant that she was going to be weird. Her behavior after that initial interaction slowly but creepily escalated from being "okay that's weird" to "wtf is wrong with her?" The social worker in me wants to pull out a DSM-5 manual and diagnose her with a personality disorder. I'm curious if anyone else shares the same opinion.

@bookstodon

18+ infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

The ending still left me with questions. None of this is true... but which part? Josie's telling of her version of her life experiences? Roxi and Erin's telling of their version of their life experiences? I personally want to believe that Josie is, in the words of the British, completely mad and that her (possible) personality disorder and (possible) psychosis has deluded her into believing that she truly is a victim who just wanted to break free.

Side note... This would be cool to watch as a dramatized version on Netflix or something.

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I’m #currentlyreading Fallout, the third book in the Crank series by Ellen Hopkins. This book is from the perspectives of three of Kristina Snow’s five children, Hunter, Autumn, and Summer. They all have different fathers and live with different guardians.

I’m also reading A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson. Pippa (Pip) Fitza-Amobi is working on her senior capstone project. Her topic of choice? To research the roles of print, televised, and social media in police investigations using the case of Andie Bell as a case study.

Five years ago, Andie Bell went missing and then was presumed to be dead when her body was not located. Her boyfriend, Sal Singh, is believed to be the murderer but this could not be confirmed because he was found dead in the woods, presumably from suicide. The police and practically the whole town believe he murdered Andie. Pip does not.

#bookstodon #youngadult #mystery #thriller #crime #bannedbooks @bookstodon

image/jpeg

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

Now that Spotify offers audiobooks to premium subscribers, I can listen to audiobooks without having to wait for them to be available on Libby. I remember when Spotify first added audiobooks and you were required to purchase them. I thought it was absurd. I already pay for premium services, and you want me to pay extra to listen to some books? No thanks.

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Glass by Ellen Hopkins and The Deep by Rivers Solomon.

@bookstodon

Cover image of The Deep by Rivers Solomon. There’s a merperson beneath the water surrounded by whales.

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

The Deep was a very interesting read. I chose it because it was recommended as being a good book less than 200 pages. I read on my phone through Libby though, so it felt like way more than 200 pages. I don’t typically read a lot of fantasy, but I’ve wanted to read Rivers Solomon’s work for a while. I first learned of them and their work when I was looking up black, queer authors to support.

Through The Deep, Rivers Solomon paints this beautiful yet tragic story of a mermaid-like beings called wajinru who are the direct descendants of pregnant slaves who were tossed into the ocean from the ships carrying them. The babies that were born could breathe underwater without assistance and eventually evolved into more fish-like creatures with tails, fins, and gills.

A recurring theme throughout this story was remembering history and the effects of generational trauma.

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

The wajinru placed historians, those who possessed the power of connecting to and holding all the memories of past historians and wajinru, on a high pedestal. They needed historians to survive and feel connected to their ancestors. Unfortunately, they only wanted to remember the past of their ancestors temporarily and were too weak to live with those traumas daily. This caused historians like the main character, Yetu, physical, mental, and emotional pain and often put her at risk of harm when she got lost in a remembering.

Aside from the utopian feel of this underwater universe and its traditions, there were also several hints at queer relationships (between the same species and others). The absence of gender roles and heteronormative ideologies was a form of comfort for me.

I recommend this to anyone who wants to get lost in another world temporarily. It’s short and easy to read.

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#currentlyreading Lawn Boy by Jonathan Evison. It’s listed as one of the most challenged books in 2022 for #lgbtqia content and is claimed to be sexually explicit. #bookstodon #bannedbooks @bookstodon

18+ infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

I’m only about 34% of my way through the book (I’ve had it for 4 weeks and it’s due tomorrow), but there are a couple things in the book that infuriate me.

  1. Mike’s best friend (?) Nick. He’s misogynistic, homophobic (uses the f slur) and racist (especially towards people from Mexico). Mike calls him out on it several times, but he continues to be a hateful person. Mike describes him as basically family though:

“I'm not defending Nick, exactly. It's just that no matter what a narrow-minded dickhead he is, he's family. All these years, I've had no choice but to accept him, in spite of his bigotry and shallowness and willful ignorance. No matter how deep the infection runs, family is family. The only other choice is to cut them off like rotten limbs.”

18+ infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

  1. Mike’s absent father who left when he and his older brother (who has special needs) were children. He straight up told Mike that it wasn’t Mike’s fault he left. He just never wanted him or his brother.

“Right. Look, I don't want you to feel like anything was your fault—me leaving and the rest of it. It's not your fault I couldn't deal with you or your brother or your mom, that's on me. You guys were probably fine, hell, I don't know, you were kids. I just didn't want you, okay? You're not what I signed on for. And that's not your fault.”

That is just so fucked up to me. When Mike called him Dad, he immediately responded, “Don’t call me that.” If you don’t wanna be a parent, then don’t go impregnating people! 😤

18+ infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

At the flea market, Mike buys a Billy Bass wall hanging that lip syncs “Take Me to the River” and wags its tail fin in perfect time. Mike says if you’ve ever seen one, you know they’re hilarious and quite lifelike. I’m pretty sure we had one of those singing bass fish in my house growing up. I think it sang “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.”

Here’s one I found on an eBay listing: https://www.ebay.com/itm/325229789294

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

I finished Lawn Boy by Jonathan Evison, and I think it doesn’t touch as much on issues as these people who challenged it think. Yes, there’s the whole notion of sexuality and trying to figure out what feels “right,” but there’s more of an emphasis on social class structures and how those who are rich and privileged are always gonna be rich and privileged while those who are poor and disenfranchised will probably always be poor and disenfranchised. Yes, some may be able to climb their way out of the crab bucket through a combination of perseverance, luck, and a bunch of other different factors, but the rest won’t be afforded the same opportunities.

There’s also a lesson about not being a bystander to your own life—that if you want to succeed at something or make a change, you have to become the driver/pilot of your own life. You have to stand up and fight for yourself; otherwise, no one will do it for you.

I give it 5 ⭐️.

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Girls Get Screwed

Not that kind of screwed,
what I mean is,
they're always on the short
end of
things.

The way things work, how
guys feel great, but
make girls feel
cheap for doing
exactly what
they beg
for.

The way they get to play
you, all the while
claiming they
love you and
making you
believe it's
true.

The way it's okay to gift
their heart one day, a
backhand the next, to
move on to the apricot
when the peach
blushes and
bruises.

These things make me believe
God's a man, after all.

  • Ellen Hopkins, Crank

@bookstodon

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

Have You Ever
had so much to say
that your mouth closed up tight, struggling to harness the nuclear force coalescing within your words?

Have you ever
had so many thoughts
churning inside that you didn't
dare let them escape,
in case they blew you wide open?

Have you ever
been so angry that you
couldn't look in the mirror
for fear of finding the face of evil
glaring back at you?

I stared at Brendan,
trying to find some words—
any words—to express
the terror of those minutes,
the horror of his violation,
the humiliation at his benediction.

But my mouth closed up tight
around the nuclear force
building inside,
thought after thought churning,
the evil in my core threatening
to eviscerate me.

Would you think it a mercy killing?

  • Ellen Hopkins, Crank

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“You don’t even care about her!” he shouted. “All that matters is you and your precious fucking fantasy that you and Alaska had this goddamned secret love affair and she was going to leave Jake for you and you'd live happily ever after. But she kissed a lot of guys, Pudge. And if she were here, we both know that she would still be Jake's girlfriend and that there'd be nothing but drama between the two of you—not love, not sex, just you pining after her and her like, ‘You're cute, Pudge, but I love Jake.' If she loved you so much, why did she leave you that night? And if you loved her so much, why'd you help her go? I was drunk. What's your excuse?"

The Colonel let go of my sweater, and I reached down and picked up the cigarettes. Not screaming, not through clenched teeth, not with the veins pulsing in my forehead, but calmly. Calmly. I looked down at the Colonel and said, "Fuck you."

@bookstodon

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

"You can't just make me different and then leave," I said out loud to her. "Because I was fine before, Alaska. I was fine with just me and last words and school friends, and you can't just make me different and then die." For she had embodied the Great Perhaps—she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps. I could call everything the Colonel said and did "fine." I could try to pretend that I didn't care anymore, but it could never be true again. You can't just make yourself matter and then die, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different, and I'm sorry I let you go, yes, but you made the choice. You left me Perhapsless, stuck in your goddamned labyrinth. And now I don't even know if you chose the straight and fast way out, if you left me like this on purpose. And so I never knew you, did I? I can’t remember, because I never knew.

18+ infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

I still think that, sometimes, think that maybe "the afterlife" is just something we made up to ease the pain of loss, to make our time in the labyrinth bearable. Maybe she was just matter, and matter gets recycled.

But ultimately I do not believe that she was only matter. The rest of her must be recycled, too. I believe now that we are greater than the sum of our parts. If you take Alaska's genetic code and you add her life experiences and the relationships she had with people, and then you take the size and shape of her body, you do not get her. There is something else entirely. There is a part of her greater than the sum of her knowable parts. And that part has to go somewhere, because it cannot be destroyed.

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Wrong Place, Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister

My rating: 4.5 ⭐️

⚠️ This review contains spoilers. ⚠️

This book definitely had me gripping its pages and wanting to know what was going to happen next. I love a good novel, and I also love the concept of , so combining the two was perfect. Did I know this book would be about time travel initially? No. I wanted to read it because it's a mystery/thriller. But as soon as Jen woke up on Day Minus One, then Day Minus Two, I knew. At first, I was confused by the frequent time skips and didn't understand why they were so random, but after learning that they may be happening so that Jen can pay more attention to the details of her surroundings and interactions, it made more sense. Like, if you had a chance to go back and do things differently, would you do it?

@bookstodon

From: @infinitesoleil
https://federatedfandom.net/@infinitesoleil/111189272301816586

18+ infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

Side note: I thought I had it all figured out when Ryan was talking about his older brother and said his name was Kelly. I was like 'gasp Ryan is going undercover to infiltrate this gang that Kelly is involved with... What if they were estranged and this is how they met again and Kelly knowing Ryan's true identity is what gets him killed???" But there turned out to be another twist in the story. The new twist was better than what I initially imagined.

#bookreview #bookstodon

18+ infinitesoleil,
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@WagesOf @bookstodon This is a direct quote of my original post that mentions the book.

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“There is something demoralizing about watching two people get more and more crazy about each other, especially when you are the only extra person in the room. It's like watching Paris from an express caboose heading in the opposite direction- every second the city gets smaller and smaller, only you feel it's really you getting smaller and smaller and lonelier and lonelier, rushing away from all those lights and that excitement at about a million miles an hour.”

  • The Bell Jar, Sylvia Plath

#bookstodon @bookstodon #currentlyreading

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon I’ve been listening to the audio book and reading along simultaneously to see if it will help with my concentration. It’s been alright aside from the fact that my eyes read faster than the narrator reads. I tried to bump the play back speed on Libby to 1.25x but then it was too fast. There’s nothing between 1.0x and 1.25x 😑

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Before I start the next book from the banned books list, I’m gonna read Wrong Place, Wrong Time by Gillian McAllister. #bookstodon @bookstodon

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I finished All Boys Aren’t Blue today. What a powerful memoir. I’m so glad George M. Johnson got to tell their story and wrote a book for the next generation of queer black kids to let them know that they are not alone and they deserve to do more than just exist. #bookrecs #bookstodon @bookstodon

From: @infinitesoleil
https://federatedfandom.net/@infinitesoleil/111163732096085515

infinitesoleil, to bookstodon
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Borrowing some physical books that were on the banned book list for 2022 from my local library. Haven’t borrowed a physical book in over a decade.

Looking for Alaska by John Green
Lawn Boy by Jonathan Evison
Crank by Ellen Hopkins

#bannedbooksweek #bookstodon @bookstodon

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Starting by checking out the top 13 most challenged books of 2022. All Boys Aren’t Blue has been on my tbr list since March. I’m going with the audiobook since it’s read by the author. @bookstodon

From: @WillRobinson
https://indieweb.social/@[email protected]/111161422368830020

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

“Navigating in a space that questions your humanity isn’t really living at all. It’s existing. We all deserve more than just the ability to exist.” — George M. Johnson, All Boys Aren’t Blue

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My review:

I’ll rate this somewhere between 3.5 and 4 stars. It took a long time for me to actually finish reading this book. I picked it up and put it down so many times, because I was annoyed with the main character’s personality and behavior and I didn’t exactly enjoy the pacing. But once I finally was determined to finish it, everything I thought I knew about the story changed. Sarah Pearce wrote so many plot twists and turns, I never would’ve guessed the truth on my own. Besides the mystery of solving the murders was also Elin’s journey to the truth—not only of the current situation but also of her past. After all she’s experienced at Le Sommet, I hope she continues on a path of healing.

Side note… The truth behind the murders and the horrifying past of the hotel???? I almost want to call it unhinged.

#bookstodon #bookreview #mystery #thriller #suspense @bookstodon

From: @infinitesoleil
https://federatedfandom.net/@infinitesoleil/111139034498750314

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon I don’t think the novel is classified as horror, but the shit that was happening back in the day when the building was a sanatorium can only be described as something straight out of a horror movie. #bookreview

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#bookstodon @bookstodon

After 7 months, I finally picked The Sanatorium back up to resume reading. I had to reread the last 10ish chapters to remind myself what was going on, but then I read an additional 7 chapters before I went to bed, so I’m making progress.

infinitesoleil,
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@rimugu @bookstodon The plot actually is good. It’s just the main character’s personality that annoys me.

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Currently listening to Dust Child by Nguyễn Phan Quế Mai, international bestselling author of The Mountains Sing. This is another story set in Vietnam/the US about an Amerasian man who’s trying to immigrate to the US with his family in 2016. As the child of an Amerasian mother, this story, though fictional, will help me get better insight into what it might have been like for my mom growing up as an orphan because of being mixed race. @bookstodon @audiobooks

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

I rated this 5/5. My review on Goodreads:

I listened to the audio book, which I think gave me a different experience than if I would’ve read the text. As an Asian-American whose mother was born during the Vietnam War to a black American father and Vietnamese mother and was also orphaned, I wanted to hear the story being told and hear the native language being spoken. Though fictional, Phong and Dan’s stories are like so many others who were born or served during this time. I bet if I found the original Vietnamese translation of this work and gave it to my mom to read, she’d find some similarities.

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@bookstodon folks, do you listen to audiobooks? If so:

  • Do you have favorite narrators? Or the opposite? Ever started or quit listening to something because of the voice?
  • if you’re talking about a book, do you say you’ve read it?

infinitesoleil,
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@lunalein @bookstodon I listen to audiobooks sometimes. Sometimes it’s easier to just listen while I’m driving or doing chores around the house. Idk that I’ve listened to enough to say that I have a favorite narrator, but I will definitely stop listening to something if I don’t like the voice. And yes, I count listening to audiobooks as reading bc it feels weird to say “Oh, I listened to that book.”

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I’m starting The First to Die at the End. #bookstodon @bookstodon

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon “It’s heartbreaking how much it costs to be alive when you’re always dying.”

Damn, this hit me in the face like a brick.

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon This fairy tale about Orionis who has a failing heart dancing with Death so that he can live just to have his heart chip away until all that’s left is a piece the size of a pebble… and then this older guy with a golden heart stepping up and asking Death for a dance, and when Death refuses to dance with him, chooses to rip his heart out of his chest to give to Orionis just so Orionis can live. What kinda magical, self-less shit is this???? 😭😭😭😭

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon I’m going to live… but first he has to die. 😭😭😭😭

infinitesoleil,
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@bookstodon

Overall, I gave this 4.5/5. My review on Goodreads. #bookreview #bookstodon

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