@fictionalbutnot@mas.to
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

fictionalbutnot

@[email protected]

I'm an open book...that reads like stereo instructions.

I'm not an expert in anything, so I expect to be wrong a lot. Feel free to correct me.
#ActuallyAutistic, #ASD, #atheist, #exmo, #nihilist, #solipsist, #determinist, #moralRelativist, #dnd5e player, #blender3d user, #leatherworker, #twitterVagrant
he/him (I guess. I don't particularly care, but to make it easy)

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

fictionalbutnot, to actuallyautistic
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

Are allistics really not like ogres or onions?

It boggles my mind to find out someone thinks they really got to know me after a 10 minute conversation about workplace safety and respirators.

What is this place and why am I here?

@actuallyautistic #autism #ActuallyAutistic

fictionalbutnot, to actuallyautistic
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

Anyone familiar with the S.E.P. drive from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
I think all this "social lubricant" allistics use is the social equivalent to that, and a lot of the social anxiety that we people feel is that we can actually see and feel this S.E.P. field (and through it).
We end up right about most of what we read and predict, but we're told we're wrong.
Constant gaslighting will make anyone feel what we feel.

@actuallyautistic

clouddweller, to actuallyautistic
@clouddweller@raccoon.place avatar

Does anyone else @actuallyautistic have the problem of the jokes they make worrying people. Like people think my mental health is worse than it is sometimes because I make jokes about it… but it’s part of how I process and sometimes it’s actually just funny. I’m not talking self harm references, more casual void talk and the standard irony poisoning I thought all millennials were in on….

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@clouddweller @actuallyautistic

I'm not sure if it applies, but I use self-effacing humor to try to put people at ease.
I've had people pull me aside and tell how they worry that I'm too hard on myself, and I might internalize what I'm saying too much.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@clouddweller @actuallyautistic @GreenRoc @CynAq

Me too, 39 here.

samiam, to actuallyautistic
@samiam@lor.sh avatar

@actuallyautistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?

but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@samiam @actuallyautistic

For me, autism never "explained" anything. It's just a category.
What is autism?
What is a table?
What is a castle?
What is a woman?

Humans seem to have a tendency to want nice little boxes, but those don't really exist. I know I do.
I feel very different from everyone on here, but there are patterns in the way we all think that seem to overlap.

I think I'm rambling...

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@samiam @actuallyautistic

😅

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@samiam @actuallyautistic
Maybe it'll be safe to say one more thing. It's in regards to "let myself be as autistic as I am".

Just do you. It sounds like you're saying it's just hard to figure out who you actually are, and you don't want undue influence from claiming you have some classification.

I know it's hard to hold on to yourself during all this fun. Just take your time and don't force anything. You'll figure it out.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@llPK @samiam @actuallyautistic

I'd say what's restraining me is more closely related to PTSD than directly ableist.
It may be related to ableism, but I get a fear response when there's a chance that I might say something that disagrees with other people.
It's kinda hard to kick.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@llPK @samiam @actuallyautistic

Don't worry about it. Thinking about it abstractly, with no chance I'll actually say what I'm thinking, doesn't spark anything. It's only when the potential for action is there.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Being autistic for me is that eye contact usually makes me feel like someone’s eyes are burning my retinas, but occasionally it makes me feel like gentle waves are beautifully and intimately caressing my soul. It seems to mostly depend on who I’m making eye contact with.

@actuallyautistic

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@Thumptastic @ScottSoCal @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

I think I took it too far. When I'm feeling vulnerable, the intensity often goes up to 11.
I've stared down guys almost twice my size.
Probably unwise.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@Thumptastic @ScottSoCal @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

Oh yeah. I'd rather avoid it too, but when someone forces it...

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@Thumptastic @ScottSoCal @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

I really should try to get back into martial arts. I kinda loved it, and I regret never getting my black belt.

fizzlesticks, to random
@fizzlesticks@mindly.social avatar

For those who've been there, what should I do if the realization is dawning on me that I might be #ActuallyAutistic?

What I'm already doing: reading books on it and talking about it in therapy.

Dear gawd, this would explain so much!

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@fizzlesticks

I'd say stay on here and follow and perhaps @actuallyautistic
Whether you participate or just lurk, you can see if what people are saying resonates.

I find that helps more than any book.

neversosimple, to actuallyautistic
@neversosimple@mstdn.social avatar

Before knowing that I'm #ActuallyAutistic I labeled myself as an introvert.

I wonder how often introverts are actually autistic, knowingly or not.

I can see that saying you're an introvert is a whole lot less to explain and would suffice in many situations.

Also curious to know if anyone @actuallyautistic considers themselves an extrovert?

Came to think of it while watching this: https://youtu.be/MdG4f5Y3ugk?si=QI5kdseAE1EuFHqj

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@neversosimple @actuallyautistic
So, I've had a conversation with a NT introvert asking me what the difference was between introverted and autistic.
I was new to it all (still am), I'm curious how others would have explained it.

fictionalbutnot, to actuallyautistic
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

So, I had the last week off work, but now I'm back, and I'm struggling to find any motivation to engage.
Even here, and I thoroughly enjoyed the last week.
Would that be considered autistic inertia?

#autism #ActuallyAutistic @actuallyautistic

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@lizzard @actuallyautistic
I'd buy that, thanks.

obrerx, to actuallyautistic
@obrerx@neurodifferent.me avatar

One difference I see between mastodon and twitter:

On twitter the autistic community is very large, and issues regarding such things as hashtags, acceptance of self-assessment, etc, have been substantially worked out a long time ago. There are some disagreements that arise from time to time, but on these core ideas it's just a few individuals who oppose acceptance of self-assessment.

The concepts associated with the neurodiversity paradigm are widely supported.

My own dislike of twitter was (and is) mostly centered around the silo effect of Twitter structure. There are influencer accounts that dominate discussions, towering over the crowd like big vertical silos, and most significant discussions that get any real notice occur within those silos. It's really hierarchical, and vertical rather than horizontal. I've written threads there which discuss this and while there were a lot of supportive people who agreed with me, some didn't, and a few of the huge influencer accounts took a disliking to me. Names some of you would be familiar with.

Yep, that really happened.

Seems most autistics there don't mind that top-down structure, which is why they stay there, I guess.

It is a much bigger world there, that is true.

I really like the relative degree of absence of that verticality here on Mastodon.

@actuallyautistic


@allautistics

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@obrerx @actuallyautistic @allautistics

I hope my posts about the argument being pointless didn't come across as saying the hashtag itself has no meaning. It probably did.
All I was really trying to say is there are only two important factors for this hashtag:

  1. Can it be found easily?
  2. Can a community agree on what it means?
    All three options qualify as long as you don't insist that EVERYONE agree on what it means.
fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@obrerx @actuallyautistic @allautistics

The way I found this community was that people used both and
and I asked about the one I didn't understand.
It wouldn't have mattered what was in addition to autistic in the hashtag.

AutisticAdam, to actuallyautistic
@AutisticAdam@autistics.life avatar

Autistic people are often criticised for “reading too much into things” and “assuming” the worst, but usually what we deduce is highly accurate, thanks to our pattern-spotting and dot-connecting abilities. I think the real issue is we typically unearth truths others want to remain hidden.

@actuallyautistic

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@Vincarsi @anomalon @hollybrigstocke @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

I think I'm glad I missed seeing this conversation in realtime. It would have seriously stressed me out.
Maybe I'm using "autism as a defense", but I seem to have missed out on the rudeness.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@Laberpferd @TeacherGriff @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

Am I understanding right?

NTs don't particularly care about the truth, therefore they simply compartmentalize contradictory beliefs to deal with cognitive dissonance.

fictionalbutnot,
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@Laberpferd @TeacherGriff @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

Cool. You've got my agreement.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@simid @Laberpferd @TeacherGriff @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic
“If you want to tell people the truth, you’d better make them laugh or they’ll kill you” —George Bernard Shaw

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@samiam @Laberpferd @TeacherGriff @AutisticAdam @actuallyautistic

I think you just explained why it's so hard to break free from a cult.

Gtmlosangeles, to actuallyautistic
@Gtmlosangeles@neurodifferent.me avatar

I like the idea of definitions. Exploring autism has, for me, involved diving deeply into several definitions of several terms. The meanings to me have changed a lot in this process and may change again in the future. I have drawn from lots of sources and also from internal reflection.

For now, I wanted to share a partial list (it started out as two words, but then autism). I would love to hear any thoughts about any of these, including community history and personal experience. TIA.

@autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic @allautistics

  1. Allistic – not autistic.
  2. Autism Spectrum Disorder – a diagnosis.
  3. Autistic – a neurotype categorization referring to identification, not diagnosis, for people who rely far more heavily on building out from specific experience than adopting in from social contact than allistics.
  4. Certification – a communication from a socially dominant institution that an individual has demonstrated through their behavior the likelihood of providing specific services to others in a manner likely to benefit those with power and privilege.
  5. Cognition – Processing of external and internal stimuli into frameworks that may be associated with behavior and/or internal recognition.
  6. Communication – behavior by one sentient being intended to alter the cognition and/or behavior of another.
  7. Development – a prescribed timeline of behaviors that dominant social institutions determine to be a desirable optimal outcome.
  8. Diagnosis – the categorization made by one or more individuals, all certified to practice education and/or medicine, that another individual fits into a specific framework for interaction and access to resources.
  9. Education, or “Formal” Education – the institutional framework for sorting humans into categories based on the perceived likelihood that an individual will grow to benefit those with power and privilege.
  10. Functional label – an institutional (diagnostic) categorization of individuals for the sole purpose of allocating different sets of resources for different categories.
  11. Gifted – the subset within any neurotype of those certified as having high intelligence.
  12. Identification – an internal transition that a person experiences: from not knowing the category of something or someone to being able to place it or them into a category.
  13. Identity – the label a coherence of cognition chooses to describe themself or an aspect of themself, along with the meaning that individual intends to be associated with the label.
  14. Intelligence – a measure of the ability of an individual to display behavior leading to the perception that the person will contribute to power and privilege more through cognitive than through physical labor.
  15. Neurofabulous – the identity label intended to mean a person with distinctly individualized cognition who celebrates and warmly embraces that cognition.
  16. Property – a mutual social convention guiding cognition about how different individuals may use something.
  17. Resources – material items and/or behavior, whether or not categorized as property.
  18. Self-diagnosis – an identity label that borrows reputational social credit from the term “diagnosis”, in that it is intended to convey two ideas: 1) I made the decision about my category myself, and 2) my decision is equally as valid as a decision made by individuals certified to practice education and/or medicine.
  19. Support – natural and mutually beneficial interaction among people that would flow comfortably and in abundance but for the social definitions of property that direct interactions to benefit those with power and privilege.
  20. Timequeer – – a neurotype categorization referring to identity, not diagnosis, for people who experience the flow and perception of time in a manner distinct from a linear social chronology.
fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@Gtmlosangeles @autistic[email protected] @actuallyautistic @allautistics

I think I can get behind all of those, assuming I can modify them slightly if the context demands it.

theautisticcoach, to actuallyautistic
@theautisticcoach@neurodifferent.me avatar

What does Autistic Masking/Camoflaging mean to YOU?

Not what the definition is. Not what people on social media say. We say that all humans are different. Masking fits into that too.

Some of us can’t mask btw.

What is it to YOU?

@actuallyautistic

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@jeanoappleseed @roknrol @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
Pretty sure it's fear of missing out

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@jeanoappleseed @roknrol @theautisticcoach @actuallyautistic
I don't really remember how often that was explicit in my childhood, but it was a constant presence.
My preferences may be a little odd. I like connection but I put it this way:
I'd rather be alone, than feel alone.

CynAq, to actuallyautistic
@CynAq@neurodifferent.me avatar

Until I was 8-9 years old or so, I was under the impression that god and religion were abstract, philosophical concepts everyone used as practical metaphors. It made perfect sense as mythology and was seemingly culturally bound, different countries and languages having different religious traditions.

Then one day, I suddenly realized people were serious when they say they believed in god and they adhered religion as a matter of faith.

That realization was, and still is, very shocking to me.

I now think being #ActuallyAutistic might have something to do with me not taking people seriously on their religious faith claims.

@actuallyautistic

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@CynAq @actuallyautistic

I agree. I grew up in a very religious community and actually bought into it for most of my life.
I thank my autism for preventing me from becoming fully indoctrinated.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@JosieBLawson @CynAq @actuallyautistic

I had read the BofM dozens of times, but I had never read the Bible cover to cover.
Didn't make it through Deuteronomy.

Since then, I've broken the Word of Wisdom and become too worldly.

I haven't done the third one, unless you count thought crimes...

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@JosieBLawson @CynAq @actuallyautistic

None of that is even remotely hard to imagine.

I'm glad you made it out, and found another path.

fictionalbutnot, to actuallyautistic
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@allautistics @actuallyautistic

Does anyone else like chom-choms, but not the texture? Or any candy that has that fake chom-chom flavor?

Maybe I'm weird.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@jamiestl @allautistics @actuallyautistic

Maybe I should never have posted that. It's basically impossible to understand without watching the video I posted in that thread.

KaCi, to random
@KaCi@autistics.life avatar

The discussion about the hashtag is really annoying. It's the hashtag for Autistic people either self-indentified or officially diagnosed and if your research about the Autistic community didn't provide you this knowledge, then maybe you should do more research or ask the community before you start complaining. Who are you to criticise a hashtag that connected and empowered thousands of marginalized disabled people for years? (1/2)

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@n69n @willaful @obrerx @KaCi @actuallyautistic @allautistics @neurodivergence

None of you have been part of a group that people think sucks? Right :ablobrollingeyes:
I know I haven't.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@n69n @willaful @obrerx @KaCi @actuallyautistic @allautistics @neurodivergence
I don't have much of one. I'm just saying it seems par for the course.
We're all so used to not belonging that I couldn't hold my sarcasm in.
Sorry if it came out wrong.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@n69n @willaful @obrerx @KaCi @actuallyautistic @allautistics @neurodivergence

I agree wholeheartedly. I very much prefer dialectic vs debate.
It was more intended as a "Really, they expect stuff like that to shut people up that are this used to it?"

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@n69n @willaful @obrerx @KaCi @actuallyautistic @allautistics @neurodivergence

I applaud that. I think we're on the same side here.
I'm not super familiar with twitter. I signed up less than 3 months before Musk took over.
Then I came here. I'm somewhat afraid of social media.
I'm just trying to put in my two cents because I normally wouldn't.
The problem is, if I stop to think too much I'll never post anything.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@n69n @willaful @obrerx @KaCi @actuallyautistic @allautistics @neurodivergence

Sounds good. I just hope people will continue to give me the chance to explain the stupid things I say.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@n69n @willaful @obrerx @KaCi @actuallyautistic @allautistics @neurodivergence

And I'm very happy about that. Thank you.
My short experience in twitter was being ignored or combative, so I'll take your word for it.

marytzu, to actuallyautistic
@marytzu@mastodon.social avatar

@HannahCelsius @fictionalbutnot @autism101 @actuallyautistic

an apt analogy @wakame .
Idk if it's an autistic thing but it feels like it can take a while for me to "get" someone; know someone on an emotional level. Like months and months. And I'm just talking about acquaintances and friends.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@marytzu @HannahCelsius @autism101 @actuallyautistic @wakame

I don't know where this falls, but I'm not sure I really "get" my own siblings. I'm almost 40, and I'm the youngest.
Maybe I'm just really slow.

fictionalbutnot, to actuallyautistic
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

I tend to avoid social media. I don't even really know how to use it; but when I'm on here, I see that whole "community" thing that I'm not very familiar with.
Like people getting support when they're down and all that.
Sometimes I try to imagine
myself getting that.

"You are a great person."
"You are worthy of love."
etc.

But if it were me, I know it would just feel empty. How could any of you possibly know me?

This can't be just me, right?

@actuallyautistic #ActuallyAutistic

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@autism101 @actuallyautistic

I'd say I know myself pretty well, I think my diagnosis was more for "there are other people like you" than "this is what you are"
And I'd be happy to settle for much less than to truly know a person.
I'd like to just have someone to have an actual conversation with once-in-a-while.
So, thanks for responding. I appreciate it.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@jamesrylandmiller @autism101 @actuallyautistic

Thanks. That's good to know. Maybe the hard part really is just to stay out there and keep shouting into the wind.
The problem is, I have a tendency to keep to myself for months at a time.
I'm a bit in the middle of a burnout, so I can't even guarantee I'll open this browser back up in the next month.
I guess one day at a time. This has been the most pleasant day I've had on social media, like ever.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@jamesrylandmiller @autism101mstdn.social @actuallyautistic

That question is a weird one. Hobbies are hard to pin down, because what I love to do is make things that people find useful.
To that end, I've learned to crochet, leatherwork, some wood construction, I'm kinda learning to weld (slowly), I have basic programming knowledge, some automotive stuff. I can't even remember it all.
Interests: Psychology, philosophy, sociology, religion, etc.
I'm a jack of all trades master of none type.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@jamesrylandmiller @actuallyautistic
I'll have to give that a try.
Maybe next time the sheer amount of information won't overwhelm me.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@jacquiharper @jamesrylandmiller @actuallyautistic

Never would've thought of the term "fiber arts". Thanks.

nomadave, to actuallyautistic
@nomadave@neurodifferent.me avatar

I feel like I'm "acting" and feeling more autistic since I discovered myself to be autistic, and it's doing wonders for my imposter syndrome. (sarcasm)

As an example: I've felt more acute episodes of sensory overload in the last couple of weeks than I can remember having in... ever. And my life hasn't been exceptionally or abnormally busy.

Is it because I'm more aware of it now? Is it because I started ADHD meds and that has made my autistic traits more visible and obvious? Is it just the meds in general?

Is it just me feeling like this?

@actuallyautistic

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@nomadave @actuallyautistic

Not just you. I got diagnosed in May and have had more acute everything.
Maybe accepting it makes us exert less energy to suppress it. I don't know.
I'm still learning about all this.

fictionalbutnot,
@fictionalbutnot@mas.to avatar

@Firlefanz @nomadave @actuallyautistic

Come to think of it, I've never been able to tolerate sweaters. How about that.

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