Thank you! That sounds handy. I’m great at forgetting things.
I’ve been dragging my feet on hair removal, mostly because I’ll probably end up needing hair transplants and I’m not sure where they’ll be taking them from. Don’t want to end up messing that up somehow. Definitely sounds like the sort of thing that is best started sooner rather than later, though.
I like the sound of that! It’s definitely on my list of priorities, but I haven’t managed to start yet. Do you have any suggestions on the nature of the exercise? I struggle with energy and motivation, so keeping it simple and easy to implement is paramount. Planning to start simple with walking and stairs, then if/when I feel up to it, branch out into something basic like dumbbells or maybe novice yoga if that’s safe to do without an instructor.
That’s awesome, I’m genuinely happy for you! ❤️ Hopefully, I’ll experience the same, but my hair loss started over 15 years ago, so I don’t want to build my hopes up. That’s partly why I was holding off, though - to wait and see if I luck out and end up not needing transplants after all. But you make a good point; I imagine I should at least be able to start on facial hair.
I mean, if they can tell what’s going on with you and there is a clear solution known to be effective, aren’t they pretty much required to recommend it?
Stirring definitely helps. The exact setting to use will vary depending on the microwave, what is being heated, and how much of it there is, but my usual go-to for a starting point on a full, regular-sized bowl or plate of food is: 3 minutes at 40%, remove and stir or flip as appropriate, then another 2-3 minutes at 30-40% depending on how hot it was. This approach will end up heating most things evenly without drying them out or burning anything.
Some things can be more sensitive, so if I’m ever unsure about what would be safe, I’ll start at 30% for 1 minute just to get a baseline for context. Below 30% is usually only useful for frozen things. Soups usually require several stirs - you don’t want to let it sit still for too long, or use too high a setting, or it can explode.
I’m basically in the same boat, so take my input with a grain of salt. That said, from what I’ve read, it’s important to avoid, or at least be careful with, guides that focus on muscle training. There are exercises out there that can apparently be harmful and cause injury. When I get started in earnest, I’m planning to begin with TransVoiceLessons on YouTube. The girl in those videos frequently makes the point that nothing in voice training should be painful or cause strain, which sounds sensible and encouraging to me. Of course, there will be muscle memory training - it’s muscle strength training that can be problematic.
That might be off topic to your actual question, but I wanted to throw it out there just in case.
This checks out. I was cismale until I joined Lemmy and got hatched by the Blåhaj Zone. Now I can write sentences like the preceding one without even flinching.
For what it’s worth, you’re far from running out the clock. If you’re still in your 20s you have a lot of life left to live and are lucky you’ve figured this out as early as you have, even if it doesn’t seem like it.
I don’t know what you’ve already done, but one approach is to try less extreme measures first and ease into it a bit. Clothes, makeup, mannerisms, pronouns, etc. You could consider stopgap measures like focusing on hair loss prevention/restoration as a way to buy time and feel like you’re doing something concrete while you sort your feelings out.
Some of these themes also touch on topics discussed in this post from a while back - you may find some of the discussion helpful: lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/4266431
EDIT: Forgot to specify; these are definitely common feelings, if my own experience and internet-binging results are any indication. You’ll get through it. ❤️
EDIT2: lol, I didn’t see who posted this until now. 😅😭🤣
The mission-driven tech company behind the Firefox browser, Pocket reader and other apps is now investing its energy into the so-called “fediverse” — a collection of decentralized social networking applications, like Mastodon, that communicate with one another over the ActivityPub protocol.
I’m a bit late to this thread, but thought I’d chime in anyway in case you want to hear from someone else with some similar feelings. I’m also quite new to this - after years of wondering without believing, my egg finally broke about a month ago, and ever since then I’ve gone back and forth between conflicting moods. Sometimes I’m confident that this is an obvious truth that I should have seen at least ten years ago, and sometimes I end up feeling numb to it all and wondering if it was all some kind of dream or delusion.
For what it’s worth, I’ve definitely found that the doubt is evaporating over time, and especially as I take proactive, gender-affirming actions and really allow myself to feel whatever I end up feeling as a result. It just doesn’t make sense for the good things to feel this good or the bad things to feel this bad if it were from any other reason. It sounds like you’re taking the same route, so I hope we’ll both get to where we need to be sooner rather than later. ❤️
This last detail is a bit more personal, so I don’t know how helpful it would be, but since poking a hole in my internal wall, I’ve also found music to be effective at cutting through my remaining psychological barriers and striking at my emotional core. Basically, if I hear song lyrics that relate in any way to my situation (even if it requires a twist of perspective), I turn into a blubbering mess. There’s one song in particular that always seems to set me off, so I’ve occasionally gone out of my way to listen to it when I’m in a doubtful mood. It’s hard to deny your feelings when you’re bursting into tears. Maybe you’ve encountered something similar that you could use in the same way.
Hmm, looks like I’ve rambled for a bit longer than intended. Sorry if this essay was excessive! 😅
LOL, all of this is so spot on for how I’ve been progressing as well (except for the part about being a parent). I haven’t shaved everywhere, because I still don’t want anyone to notice and ask questions, but shaving my legs has been such a game changer. And I also couldn’t resist reaching for the lotion, even though that’s not something I’ve ever used before except when absolutely necessary. 😂 It’s only a matter of time until I mow the rest of the lawn that is my body, and I can’t wait.
I’ve been seriously delving into the world of women’s clothing as well, and the more I wear it the less I want to wear anything else (everything is so soft and stretchy! 😍) - this has also been a great source of dispelling doubt. Your point about feeling cute really hit home. This still feels a bit like cosplay or something, but I don’t care - I love how it makes me feel. ❤️
The particular song that I mentioned earlier is Röyksopp & Robyn’s “Every Little Thing”. It came up randomly on my mp3 player just a few days in. My brain interpreted the singer as my repressed/future self addressing my conscious self and it just obliterated me. I had a similar effect from Pink Floyd’s “Poles Apart”, the chorus from Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror”, and Darren Korb’s “Build that Wall” from the Bastion soundtrack. Aaaand I’m going to have to stop thinking of more tracks now because it’s getting too hard to see what I’m typing through the tears. 🥲 I’m definitely going to give that album of yours a listen, though.
I hear you on the lack of self-care. I think in my case, it was less about it seeming girly, and more a combination of always being tired and not being the slightest bit invested in my appearance. My meat suit definitely needs a lot of maintenance now to make up for it, lol.
About the clothing - I’m starting from the same place, and it’s definitely overwhelming, but I got some great advice from a trans friend of mine. They basically told me to put my concern for the environment to the side for a minute and use fast fashion as a way to explore what’s out there and what you like. The site they suggested was Shein - there might be others, I have no idea, but that’s the one I’ve used to great effect. The clothes are absurdly cheap and there’s a ton of interesting stuff to choose from. They’ll probably fall apart before long, but not before you’ve had a chance to learn something from them to inform a better long-term purchase. The main challenge is finding stuff that will actually fit, but I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the stretchiness of the fabrics (and you might not have the same issues, depending on your frame). Since it’s online, you don’t need to deal with venturing into the world to search for/try on stuff either, which suits me well.
I actually turned it into a bit of an exercise in the beginning, since I was still (and still am) emerging from my repression and didn’t know what or how to feel about things. I split my shopping up into two sessions on separate days. On the first day, I just let myself browse and deliberately avoided thinking about practicality or feasibility, or what might be considered “appropriate”. Instead I just allowed myself to be driven by pure whimsy and curiosity; responding to whatever looked particularly interesting, or cute, or whatever. Anything that stood out in any way whatsoever would be left open in a tab. Then the next day was spent taking measurements and sifting through those tabs to pull out the ones that I might actually be able to squeeze into, with the goal of having one or two garments from each of an assortment of major categories. That way, you maximize your potential for experimentation - to see what you will or will not end up responding to when you wear it - and your chances that stuff will actually fit.
I may have been overthinking things, because I ended up loving pretty much everything instantly. 😅 But I’m glad I did that first session separately, because the sizing phase was brutal… 😭 If I’d tried to do all that from the start, it would likely have frightened me off for another round of procrastination. Even though I couldn’t wear everything I liked, though, the browsing phase was still very valuable, if only to allow myself to feel things about clothes. I’m pretty sure that was the first time I ever had fun looking for (non-costume) clothing.
Anyway, after that first batch, the pursuit of clothing became purely organic and intrinsically motivated - having some idea of what I liked and what would fit naturally turned into curiosity about new, different items, or into wanting more variety or better quality for others, so I’ve been spiraling outwards from there and having fun doing it. It can be pricey if you go overboard, of course, but sales help. And I justify it as being for medicinal purposes. 😁 At this point, I’m only wearing my old clothes when I need to turn on my webcam or leave my apartment.
Well, looks like I ended up rambling for far too long again. Hopefully some of that was helpful or encouraging. ❤️
EDIT: oh yeah, forgot to mention - I listened to that whole album. I liked it! Very pleasant melodies and vocals. I’m terrible at parsing lyrics on the first try, though, so it didn’t end up causing any affirmation. 😅 I think those other songs hit me hard because I’ve been listening to them for years and already knew the words; they had just never hit home with that perspective before.
EDIT2: oh yeah, another pointer that might be helpful. Try not to worry about how you’ll look in the clothes. I definitely look absurd. The important thing is how you’ll end up feeling while wearing them. Although, I grant you, this might be a tougher balance to strike when there are others in your home to observe you and potentially make you self-conscious by their very existence.
I’m so glad that was helpful for you! ❤️ I was kind of afraid I was writing too much for your interest level. 😅
I can’t relate first-hand to the parenting stuff, but that sounds absolutely precious. ☺️ I definitely recognize your reaction to your wife’s shirt, though - that’s how a lot of this has been. Incredibly self-consciousness-inducing, but also strangely and inexplicably joyful, and sometimes intense and overwhelming. As long as I stay away from mirrors, I can actually kind of sort of think of myself as cute now. By the way, after a long and cerebral day of work and chores, I was slipping into one of those numb and sort of doubtful moods, but then your comment comparing the man and the woman made me start tearing up, so there must have been something familiar in it. 🥲 I actually had to take a break from reading and grab a tissue. 😂
Yeah, I’ve done a couple of things, and so far everything has had some kind of effect - mostly positive ones that I assume are affirmation, but also some…less spectacular ones. By far, the single most impactful thing so far was shaving my legs, but you already know about that. Thigh high socks were an experience, as was the wig. The most common reaction for me (which is what happened with those and most of the clothes) has been feeling a kind of nervous excitement and an irrepressible goofy grin. The legs went a bit beyond that, instilling a sense of utter fascination. For days, I couldn’t help just idly stroking my skin and staring at it, like Gollum and the ring or something. 😅 It has also led to furtive attempts at a skin care routine, but we talked a bit about that already (incidentally, I’m totally lost in that area, so tips and product recommendations are welcome).
Some of the things I’ve done were more of a mixed bag. I shaved my beard, but I think that just ended up emphasizing my masculine features, so it didn’t feel good. On the other hand, it made me look less absurd with the wig on, which, combined with fully femme clothing led to my first vague glimpse of what I might be capable of becoming. That was an emotional moment. When I finally got hold of a bra that sort of fits, I filled it up with bags of rice…I’m still not sure what the reaction to that was, but it was seriously impactful. The weight felt comforting and even familiar somehow, and it made the clothes look less out of place, which was fun. But when I accidentally glimpsed my face in the mirror, it set off over half an hour of uncontrollable sobbing. So, uh, yeah - use caution.
Let’s see…I’ve also recently started experimenting with gaffs a bit. They’re pretty awkward so far, but seeing my profile like that definitely made me feel some kind of way. It was subtle, but felt significant. I’m not sure about lingerie for men. I stumbled across a site with that kind of thing, but, at least on that one, the designs emphasized the bulge, which felt kind of gross. But it would be nice to have more room down there. If you don’t mind, let me know if you find anything good! I did end up getting a few lacey and/or skimpy nightwear items from Shein, and they absolutely make you feel all giggly and cute.
Since you mentioned secretly being girly, I should probably share something about my adventures in panties. After the first Shein order, I learned that panties were worth exploring, but I wanted more practical ones. Oh, that reminds me - I was caught off-guard by the prevalence of clothes requiring hand washing and line drying, so be careful about that if it’s something you don’t want to do or are not used to. Anyway, I ended up getting an assortment of better quality everyday panties in different styles to try them out, and they have been an absolute delight. Talk about soft, smooth, and feeling cute! And you can wear whatever you want over them and nobody will know! If you’re interested in more details on that, I actually geeked out and shared the ones I got in a comment on reddit, where I’m pretty sure nobody even saw it. If you’re interested, you can find it here: old.reddit.com/r/MtF/comments/17de3sr/…/k5z6mcv/?…
Looks like the sale is still active for another few days if you’re interested, but heed my warning at the end of the reddit comment. There was also a sale on jewelry, which was worth experimenting with. Turns out I like emeralds. 🤩
Sure, why not? I felt there was some value in having this conversation publicly, in case it happens to benefit anyone lurking (if so, Hi! Congrats on making this far! ❤️), but this is getting increasingly specific and long-winded, so this might be a good time to take it to DMs. I’ll shoot you one.
Oh, and no worries about taking time to reply - real life is important, especially when you have adorable responsibilities.
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