ThatFembyWho

@[email protected]
  • Transfem enby
  • She/her or they/them
  • Anti-fascist, anti-racist
  • Reddit refugee…

Say it with me

Trans rights are human rights!

This profile is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.

ThatFembyWho,

Hey some of us still find time for orgies… some of us are paid to do so. And figs are always delicious.

What are your favorite fonts for technical reports?

I work at a consulting engineering firm and write a lot of reports that are read by the public. I have an opportunity to recommend a different font for all of our written documents and am looking for something more modern/fresh than Times New Roman. Also open to recommendations for purpose specific communities about...

ThatFembyWho,

Isn’t TNR a print font? It looks rather bad on a screen actually. I certainly wouldn’t (and never have) use it for a technical report.

ThatFembyWho,

oh it’s fine, you know how when deer get old and their teeth are all worn away or whatever, and they can’t eat anymore and they just starve to death… it’s just part of life! /s

ThatFembyWho,

tortilla chips and popcorn, only human foods she’ll eat…

ThatFembyWho,

Apparently they call it “Hindu-Arabic” numbers now. Not sure if that makes it more or less frightening

ThatFembyWho,

Ah, the system of everything, didn’t that go out the window with quantum mechanics?

ThatFembyWho,

Fwiw I agree, the concept of “true randomness” never set well with me… often we use probability to model systems that are too complex to understand or calculate directly. However, in this case I defer my personal beliefs to genius scientists and mathematicians who have spent their whole lives exploring just this dilemma. So far we have no deterministic model for quantum mechanics, and no indication that such exists.

(not an expert or formally educated on the subject, but I recommend reading A Brief History of Time for an accessible overview)

ThatFembyWho,

Chick-fil-A isn’t that great.

I would never eat there because of their bigoted politics, but I am always shocked at how many people act like they can’t live without it. Weird.

ThatFembyWho,

and they are fed by nutrients extracted from dead humans, because there’s no room to bury anymore and the air is too polluted for cremations

ThatFembyWho,

When I was a teenager, I went through this brief phase where instead of saying “dad”, I used his first name. Not intentionally, it was just wires getting crossed in my brain, but he would get so pissed about it.

Don’t recall ever calling my mom by her first name. She wouldn’t appreciate that either… in fact, it bothered her that I said “mother” instead of “mom” for the longest time (we had a strained relationship, so the more formal term felt more appropriate).

On the other hand, my parents never required me to say “sir” or “ma’m”.

ThatFembyWho,

I mean, anything over about 1000 USD would be a big help, I had to make an unexpected visit to a sick parent that really set back my short term goals.

10k would be a nice emergency fund and I could start focusing again on things like moving to a better place (moving is expensive).

100k would mean freedom to get any transition-related surgeries I want without hassling with insurance. Or it could be rolled into a home purchase or retirement.

Currently my income isn’t great, but I can pay my bills with savings to spare, even in a nicer apartment or home.

Who's winning the war in Ukraine?

The media won’t give me great answers to this question and I think this I trust this community more, thus I want to know from you. Also, I have heard reports that Russia was winning the war, if that’s true, did the west miscalculate the situation by allowing diplomacy to take a backseat and allowing Ukraine to a large...

ThatFembyWho,

Came here to say this.

winners: arms manufacturers and dealers, “defense” industry, military-industrial complex

losers: soldiers, civilians

ThatFembyWho,

Is Putin really a winner tho? They almost had a coup. I mean if the war was going amazingly well, but their economy is shit, they’re isolated, and they are in stale mate with an enemy they should dominate…

ThatFembyWho,

If it were me, I’d be wearing thigh highs and/or panties under my boyclothes >:)

But to answer your question:

Painting nails, a classic.

Cleaning, trimming and filing nails to make them look nice.

Relaxing in a nice long bath.

Shaving or otherwise removing body hair.

Put a ribbon or flower in your hair!

ThatFembyWho,

Definitely not me after working a week of 12hr shifts

ThatFembyWho,

ugh. Friend convinced me to go roller skating last night.

Felt just like an alien. For so many reasons; I do not belong there. Can’t skate, can’t socialize, so I just sat there watching the people who can. Only good thing is I can tell my therapist I tried

ThatFembyWho,

eh, mighty presumptuous of you, who weren’t even there. How would you know?

I sat there after being left to struggle on my skates by the people I went with, falling a dozen times, alone - and that was actually the best part, in that moment I did have fun, and it was random strangers who encouraged me and had a laugh with me.

But in a huge room with so many people all moving in different directions, lights flashing in the dark, loud music, it was very overwhelming and disorienting. I had trouble recognizing people, and I sat there because all our stuff was there, and I knew they would come back eventually.

It just wouldve been nice to have someone take my hand and help me onto the rink. I asked for that, and they knew I couldn’t skate, but it was more important for them to get practice and show off.

ThatFembyWho,

for real, condescending take by the other commenter. They have no idea the resolve it took to put myself in that situation. I can’t help that I was out of place, except if I had refused to even go? What would that have accomplished?

ThatFembyWho,

That’s right, I may be having a breakdown but at least I’m gonna be comfy and look cuuute :3

ThatFembyWho,

“ah you know mom, just exfoliating, moisturizing every day, staying hydrated~”

Basically what any woman says when asked how they look so good lmao.

It took me a lot more than 4months to get these reactions, sounds like you’re making good progress. Whenever you feel bad or get dysphoric, just remember others are already noticing the feminizing changes :) Sometimes we are the last to notice.

ThatFembyWho,

Main thing is estrogen dominant bodies have thinner skin (literally) so it looks more translucent, smoother, and feels softer to the touch. Bad side of that is the spider veins…

ThatFembyWho,

Buy a trans flag and hang it in your home, left wrinkled of course ;)

I know exactly what you mean about not having a choice. That is what sealed the deal for me. When you’re willing to take on the long scary journey that is transitioning, especially as AMAB which involves giving up lots of privilege in the process, that is kinda the point of no return.

Fortunately for me it has not been anywhere near as bad as I feared in the worst case. In fact it has been such a wonderful experience, I have a lot of hope for 2024, my third year of transition.

good luck Amelia, and don’t be afraid to lean on us for advice, we have to look after eachother.

ThatFembyWho,

Can’t fully relate, as I changed my name when I changed shifts and departments. The result being neither my manager nor any of my coworkers has ever known me by my deadname. So that particular bit of awkwardness was avoided.

But without a doubt, changing my name at work was one of the best decisions I ever made. Still need to update my badge, but everyone uses my preferred name and compliments me on it. Feels so amazing to constantly hear it, beginning to heal a lifetime of hearing a name I loathed.

ThatFembyWho,

Transfem here, on estrogen monotherapy since early 2021. Super low T level; average or above estradiol. I do take a DHT blocker (finasteride). Added progesterone 2 months ago.

This is all very much YMMV.

What I can almost guarantee unless you have a very unusual endocrine system, are softer skin and breast growth. You’ll notice sore nips in a month or so, then thinner/softer skin after 6mo to a year (it’s constant but takes a while to appreciate).

HRT has not prevented me gaining or maintaining muscle. I was skinny and not super strong before, but the physical nature of my warehouse job has actually built muscle. My glutes and thighs are like steel. Added bonus, upper body strength has increased and rounded out my breast size <3 highly recommend staying fit while transitioning.

I don’t weightlift, I just lift a lot of things, move constantly… and work my ass off. Ultimately I think it will come down to “use it or lose it”. Same with the noodle. It will absolutely atrophy if you don’t actively use it.

Fat redistribution… not really seen this. Altho I’m skinny so that may play a role. It’s very very subtle if anything has changed shrugs probably most overrated and underwhelming aspect of HRT for me personally.

Testicles have shrunk noticeably. Makes sense as they are literally useless now xD mine aren’t super tiny, they still get in the way and hurt. It’s easier to tuck when they shrink, a lot of times they find their way up there naturally. Getting them snipped ASAP.

any other questions, ask away <3

ThatFembyWho,

“so what are your prounons?”

“they/them”

awkward pause while confusion intensifies

“oh”

Every single time. No I didn’t reveal any information about what’s in my pants, sorry 8D

ThatFembyWho,

For you, sooner than later ~

ThatFembyWho,

I figure most people are thinking in binary terms and want an indication of whether I’m a boy or a girl. And sometimes maybe “am I attracted to this person or would that make me gay?!”

at least I can pretend they are asking themselves that question, to which the answer is obviously, always YES it is gay xD

ThatFembyWho,

i feel ya there… that’s why I’m starting voice therapy, first real session tomorrow afternoon <3 hope you get to work on your voice and achieve what you’re looking for!

ThatFembyWho,

wait wait Is this a trick question? Maybe there is no right answer… or is there?

ThatFembyWho,

I’ve never once noticed someone’s body odor

You are truly fortunate xD

I work in a warehouse and omg the things I have smelled. The worst is when the person working in front of me has strong BO and a fan is blowing it into my face all day.

ThatFembyWho,

Ugh there was a guy like that at work. Indeed if he had walked by within 5min, you could tell as the pungence lingered in the air.

ThatFembyWho,

So here is what I’ve noticed.

The acceptance of sweat BO is partly a cultural thing. At my workplace we have people from all over the world, and there are certain parts of the world where it is clearly uncommon to wear deoderant. Both men and women, although I have noticed it far more with men. I guess if everyone had natural BO, it wouldn’t seem so unusual.

This is not to be confused with uncleanliness, I’m sure these people shower, the scent is purely one of sweat from hard physical labor. It is never better or worse, but always the same and in fact, you can identify people by their particular unique scent.

ThatFembyWho,

Taking a daily shower is definitely not enough for some people to eliminate body odor.

source: me, work with very diverse range of people doing very physical labor

ThatFembyWho,

I can see BO. I envision this putrid green cloud suspended in the air, winding around the path they had taken as they walked among aisles.

A sixth sense I never wanted :'(

ThatFembyWho,

Do you feel like you’re going through a rough patch right now, or have you truly not noticed any progress since beginning? Never had any gender euphoria?

Like I go through these rough patches sometimes where I get down on myself and feel like I’m ugly and there’s no hope of ever being seen as a woman. Irrational thoughts. They are only temporary, and then I realize all the progress I’ve made and the changes still occurring. I feel silly for having despaired. At these times, it’s important to be patient and control what you can, practice self-love, and work on little things to achieve your goals.

Whereas if you truly feel like two years of HRT hasn’t had any feminizing effect, then I think a more in-depth reevaluation is required. It should absolutely change your body, though to what extent is different for everyone. In general, you can count on breast growth and softening of the skin. If you haven’t noticed that, then I would recommend seeing an endo because maybe your body has some hormonal issue.

Assuming you really have experienced changes, let’s talk about your goals and transition plan. Have you thought about that? HRT is an important piece of the puzzle for us, but it’s not everything. Like trying to bake a cake with only an egg, that’s not gonna work, you need all the other ingredients.

I have a whole list of transition-related tasks, goals, and progress markers. For example, electrolysis hair removal and voice therapy are two tasks I have started in the past month. Early 2024, I plan surgical consultations, which I have my therapist writing a letter for right now. My partner and I have plans to get makeovers and professional makeup advice. This year, I changed my name and pronouns at work, began dressing more fem in public, wore a full bikini to the beach. I’m exploring what hair and clothing styles feel most authentic after a lifetime of apathy. So it’s all falling into place, and very little of that is about HRT. Even my breasts have grown by a cup size this year, and are rounding out nicely.

The point I want to make is that it took over two years to reach the point where I had confidence to do all those things. We’re still baby trans after all. There’s not like any strict time limits on any of this, but we will change continuously for the rest of our lives. Just make sure you take an active hand in shaping yourself and your identity, if you can do that I think you’ll be very surprised by what is possible :)

ThatFembyWho,

That is possible… I have heard of transfems who don’t have the typical response to HRT.

Still, I would suggest pursuing all other avenues before giving up.

In many places, if you’re poor, you can get some kind of health coverage that includes specialist visits (with referral from your PCP). Ive been broke af before and was able to see a podiatrist for my ankle thanks to state medicaid – in a red state where they constantly undermine medicaid. Is it a hassle? Yes. Is it worth it? Also yes.

You could try other routes of estradiol. Patches, injections, pills, I’ve switched several times and each time is the start of new changes. Increasing dosage, taking a DHT blocker, adding an AA, even with low T levels you might see a benefit. Try progesterone. Endocrinology is still kinda black magic like most medical fields when you dig deep enough. Nobody has all the answers.

And honey what I would do beyond all of that is attack your dysphoria from other angles. Find a way to distract yourself from whatever HRT may or may not be doing. Because it works so slowly and subtly. You may be 6 months to a year from seeing big changes - what happens until then?

You need to work on things to boost your self-esteem: clothes, makeup, self-care, I know money is required for almost everything and that sucks. My friend just gave me a leather jacket and skirt… Being a goth/punk girl I crave this look. Trying them on was omg, pure euphoria. I look way better than I think. You do too, you just gotta fight to learn that. Find your style, find your confidence <3

ThatFembyWho,

Sounds like you might not have had the most realistic expectations going in…

If you’ve had breast growth and skin improvements (softening, clearing etc), those are the main super obvious differences you’ll see. Approaching three years, my breasts have increased a cup size and are shaping nicely, with no signs of stopping – so don’t assume it’s all over after two years.

I have noticed more subtle changes like: face shape changing slightly due to fat and muscle changes, eye shape and size changing slightly, some subtle thinning of body hair, some thickening of hair on scalp. But these are very minor, when I feel dysphoric I don’t even notice them.

What are the other changes you expected? Maybe they can be achieved or simulated by other means.

ThatFembyWho,

ITT people queueing up to justify antisemitism.

Jews have been the scapegoats of the world’s problems for thousands of years. All of these people taking their sanctimonious “pro-Palestinian / anti-Zionist” stances are literally descendants of antisemitic ideology which is deeply rooted in Christianity, Islam and European politics.

They will say Israel stole land. But ignore how many other countries exist because of thousands of years of violent conflict. Can we talk about ethnic cleansing not only during, but after WWII where people of German ancestry even if they had no blood on their hands, were raped, massacred and driven out of certain countries and blanket pardens were given so “they weren’t war crimes.” Yet everyone accepts these countries and their current ethnic makeup.

I stand by my position which is that in our current global political system, the ability to occupy and defend land is the determining factor of sovereignty and almost all of us benefit directly from past atrocities. And that has been the case throughout history.

If we want a better world, and I’m all for that, we have to begin with honesty and self-reflection. Piling on one country/group is a distraction and won’t solve anything.

ThatFembyWho,

I feel like if we compiled all the transphobe doom-quotes together, we would have the ingredients for a badass science fiction story…

If only being transgender was as romantic and exciting as they make it sound. Mostly it’s boring and stressful, just trying to survive and find meaning like anyone else xD

Finally cracked and it's been a rollercoaster.

Last week I got myself a tape measure, figured out some sizing things and ordered a cheap dress online. It looked good, and for the first time in my life I felt beautiful. I felt like I could actually pull of a transition and not look like an ugly man in a dress. I giggled and cried and it felt so good. The next day I went to...

ThatFembyWho,

Yep, buckle up, it’s the wildest rollercoaster ever.

There will come a day when you see your true self in the mirror without makeup, without a dress or anything else. As women we’re just super critical of ourselves and the expectation of “ideal” femininity so high that almost nobody can reach it. When you try your damnest to look for an ugly man in a dress, but all you’ll see is a woman, then you’ve come full circle. That is attainable.

The further along I get, the more women confide in me, and when you’ve heard enough perfectly lovely gals call themselves hideous because they have wrinkles or peach fuzz on their face, then you realize we’re all fighting a similar fight.

ThatFembyWho,

I think they can treat anywhere that has fully developed terminal hairs. So, not vellus / “peach fuzz” hairs. Other points are that if you have light or reddish hair like mine, electrolysis is about the only option, and it is permanent (no regrets here lol).

It’s a bit expensive. My 15 min session was about $30 and an hour is $90. I’m going to a small private clinic.

Eventually I would like to get my legs done.

ThatFembyWho,

Absolutely they can!

I think you can expect an investment on the order of 10k for full body electrolysis.

ThatFembyWho,

Thank you so much for this! I’ve been following your advice since my second appointment. Unfortunately my first order of numbing cream was lost in the mail… but I have it now! It really made a difference, going to my fourth this morning. All the dark hairs on my face are gone, only some almost translucent blonde ones remain. Think I’ll have her do a bit of my chest now if time permits.

I also live about 15min from my electrologist, so it’s perfect :D

ThatFembyWho,

Depraved.

And also, I think, a warning about the fragility of systems we depend on. IANAD - is there no other way to save them, or are we just not prepared for this?

Rowing is a terf, how do I prove it?

So originally I was sceptical about the TERF claims on rowling (because I didn’t want them to be true), I’d assumed terminally online people had decided something silly (as has happened before), but the more I looked at it and thought about it, the more I thought, “Ok, I don’t really have proof here, but the odds are...

ThatFembyWho,

She doesn’t like the term (most TERFs don’t), but she promotes the exact same viewpoints as the most infamous TERFs. Namely that sex is biological, unchangeable, and defines your life in a way that supercedes gender… She claims to have “trans friends”, and “support them”, but how is that possible when she denies the essence of our identities??

She uses her massive platform to amplify TERF arguments and is something of an icon in anti-trans circles. She boosts stories that portray trans people in negative light. Which should tell you everything.

ThatFembyWho,

Let’s get one thing out of the way: you’re not guilty of anything here.

Transitioning is a choice, and it’s up to each transgender person to decide when and how to do so. Some people never transition - that’s perfectly valid.

What is most important is your comfort and safety, and if you don’t feel ready, then it’s absolutely OK to pause your transition.

I’m nearly 40, began medical transition at 37. It took me… a decade to resolve my identity. I passed through various stages. The realization of being transgender hit like a ton of bricks. Surprising, and yet not, somehow? I lived decades believing I was stuck in my body.

I will say that I have experienced tremendence progress in recent years. It took 6 months to a year of HRT before I could see “the woman in the mirror”. Now I see my true self more often than not - it’s a wonderful and priceless feeling. My breasts continue to grow and round out - long after I feared my transition was stalled.

However, I’m blessed with a very supportive partner and life circumstances that allow me to make such changes without worrying about family.

My body is naturally somewhat feminine. I still die inside sometimes when I see my face (beard/stubble, receded hairline, nose), hear myself speaking too deeply, or get misgendered. I’m over 6 feet tall - I stand out.

Here’s where I’m at three years in:

  • changed name and pronouns at work
  • first time dressing authentically in public this year. Even wore a bikini at the beach!
  • first electrolysis consultation next week
  • first voice therapy session next week
  • therapist is writing letter for surgeons
  • first endo appointment last month, first real prescriptions (was DIY for 2.5 years)
  • early 2024 will start getting surgeon referrals

I have only now reached a point where I’m comfortable moving forward. I also feel the pressure of my state’s anti-trans politics, the longer I wait, the harder this is going to be. Indeed I feel compelled, not only to make the best decision for myself, but to face my opponents and show them I won’t back down.

Is it frightening? Oh hell yes. Transitioning is terrifying, it’s super difficult and expensive. Not everything that comes from that is good. I’m not going to judge anyone for stopping or delaying their transition.

If you can live as your assigned gender, and you find ways to cope, more power to you. Everyone’s path is different. I do recommend a good therapist so you can discuss how you feel. IMO your relationship and your own mental health depends on it.

ThatFembyWho,

Wow I can relate so hard.

My current partner is the first time I could say I truly loved AND was loved in return. Yet we’re ultimately impossible :/

I’m full of passions, and my greatest desire is to find people who would like to share them, and show me their passions. Sometimes this blinds me to reality.

I have had many passing infatuations, and indeed still get them to this day. IMO that’s normal, but we do need to remember to live, and not remain anchored by dreams and ideals.

  • All
  • Subscribed
  • Moderated
  • Favorites
  • •
  • random
  • uselessserver093
  • Food
  • aaaaaaacccccccce
  • test
  • CafeMeta
  • testmag
  • MUD
  • RhythmGameZone
  • RSS
  • dabs
  • KamenRider
  • TheResearchGuardian
  • KbinCafe
  • Socialism
  • oklahoma
  • SuperSentai
  • feritale
  • All magazines
    •