At least five possible hate crime incidents at Stanford University since the Israel-Hamas war’s onset are under investigation, including an apparent hit-and-run crash involving an Arab Muslim student, according to the university’s public safety department....
My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it’s taking a toll on me. I’m doing all I can and all I know how to do but it’s getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I...
I had a similar experience in that I drank and “functioned” for a good 15 years. I didn’t really see it as a problem since I was able to maintain a job and climb up the career ladder, while a lot of my social circle was doing the same thing. I eventually got into enough trouble and sought therapy, which helped me stay sober for a really long time. Now, I can have a few drinks here and there, but they are limited and far apart. The vast majority of the time that people are drinking, I really don’t want to, but that took a lot of sober time and realization that I don’t like alcohol, being drunk, and especially hang overs. I just liked not feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and sad. The thing is, when we are anxious and depressed for so long, we think that’s what life is. It takes a long time of being sober and rebuilding a new life to escape that pit.
I agree with everything that @FollyDolly said. What really helped me what getting into therapy, a healthy supportive circle, and going 2 months without drinking. Those two months were essential because they helped me realize some important things.
Like they said, I was blowing a ton of money on alcohol which I didn’t realize until I stopped drinking and saw my bank account at the end of the two months. All that money I ended up inadvertently saving I was able to spend on cool new things like a new computer or upgrades for my car.
The other thing was realizing that the vast majority of my friends weren’t really friends. They were drunk assholes, and so was I. After being sober for two months, I noticed that I didn’t like my social circle at all, and eventually ended up choosing to cut them out of my life because all they really wanted to do was drink and started unnecessary problems. I found out that I didn’t like being around drunk people, that the things I thought were fun when I was drunk were not fun at all, and that I didn’t like who I was when I was drunk.
The last important realization was that I was really avoiding problems by drinking. I didn’t ever resolve anything. I would instead bounce from problem to problem and drinking the emotions of the problems away to pretend they weren’t there. If you would have asked me while I was drinking if that’s what I was doing, I would have sincerely said no. However, once I stopped, I was able to recognize that I had to do something with those emotions by resolving them in a healthy way as best as I could.
As far as how to help is mainly to stop enabling them if they don’t want to stop drinking. By this, I mean stop fixing the consequences of their behaviors. It’s really hard to do because you care about them, so it may help to understand that the best way to help them is for them to suffer their consequences. This is what will trigger them to realize it needs to stop. Regardless of what they do, do not fix their consequences for them. That is what they need to get better. It might even mean that you will lose them for some time, and that’s okay. It’s part of the process. If they get healthier, they will eventually come back. Don’t be scared of losing them. It might be what both of you need.
Another thing that would help is to encourage them to stop drinking for about 2 months. How I did it was to just think about it as I was not drinking for that day only. I didn’t have to figure out how I would stop drinking for eternity, just that day. The next day I would do the same thing. In order to help with this, I created a schedule of things to keep me busy in the meantime that wouldn’t allow me to drink. The funner and more engaging the activities, the better. So instead of not knowing what I was going to do all weekend, I would have an entire schedule of events that would not match with drinking and would keep me busy enough to not think about it.
Also, get rid of all the alcohol in the house. Avoid anywhere they have drank. Engage them in a new world that has no reminders of drinking. Have them join social circles where drinking is discouraged so they can see that not everyone drinks. That means no bars, maybe no restaurants, no beer aisle, etc. Anywhere they used to drink is off limits for some time, especially those first few months. After a while, they could potentially slowly introduce those places into their life.
Importantly, if they are a daily drinker, they may need medical detox because alcohol withdrawal can kill. This is a serious matter. In my experience, alcohol detox is very compassionate and caring. They hook it up with a place to be super relaxed and give meds to slowly avoid the withdrawal symptoms. There’s no agony or pain. It really isn’t a poor experience at all.
On relapse, it’s possible and even likely that they may relapse. Rather than see this as a failure, understand that it’s part of the process. Prepare for relapse by having a plan ahead of time on what to do if there is a relapse.
Lastly, really try to avoid shame. Shame will just trigger the desire to drink to push it away. Instead, be direct and compassionate. Talk about behaviors and experiences you don’t like, not about how you don’t like them. You still like their authentic self.
I can see how people find her attractive, but she is not my type at all. To me, she seems generic and unappealing looks-wise. She’s definitely not repulsive at first look, but nothing special either. Again, this is to me since I guess I have unconventional taste. However, throw in her toxic personality, and she becomes unattractive.
Thank you trusting my sincerity. I agree that it’s possible she is more attractive in person. My point is that the style of her look is not something I find particularly attractive. I’ve only dated one girl with that look, and it was for a short while. I acknowledge that they can be and are regarded as quite attractive to others. However, It’s not what I find appealing in particular, and they’re definitely not a 10/10 to me. In fact, I was honestly surprised when I saw that Reddit had an obsession with Scarlett Johansson because until that point, I had never realized that she was seen as an epitome of beauty. I don’t want to speak poorly of them, but while I acknowledge that a lot of people find them to be gorgeous, they have physical qualities that I don’t appeal to me. However, Zoe Saldana and AOC 🤩.
Thanks for maintaining this site so welcoming, transparently, and professionally!
On the 18+ age restriction, it’s possible that there are users in the !autism community that are under 18 years old, but get a lot of benefit from being a part of the community. Is there a way we can eventually have an adjustment to the terms of some sort that allows adolescents (say 16 & 17 y/o) from partaking in the community openly with their age?
Edit: !autism would be willing to develop a set of rules that ensure the community is considerate of 16 & 17 y/o users.
I appreciate your response and your concerns and think they are completely reasonable. Thank you for considering it! We’ll standby at !autism and let the users know that if we find out they are under 18, we will have to remove them.
I went to the Ford site to look into their EVs earlier this week. Their site on EV info is so disorganized and unhelpful. Trying to figure out how much charging would cost and the logistics of long-distance travel is way too confusing. They’re even messing it up with a subscription plan to their in-network chargers.
I suspect this is part of the reason people aren’t buying Ford EVs. Buying a car from a dealership is already too antagonized because we all know they’re trying to rip us off. To try to balance it out, shoppers try to gain as much knowledge on the car so they know what they’re agreeing to. However, when the car comes with all this new technology that changes the way we maintain them, and available info is scattered, indirect, unclear, and potentially costs even more, that will push away people that don’t want to deal with it.
Hi, English isn’t my mother tongue so I was asking myself that question since I first encounted a w/… Back then I was like: “What tf does ‘w slash’ stand for?” And when I found out I was like “How, why, and is it any intuitive?” But I never dared to ask that until now
I don’t think I get it. If it were just a fart, she’d be what? Is the joke that she just shit in the water?? If that’s the case, then her comment is confusing to me. She could have said, “Mmm, that’s not just a fart 😌,” or something like that so I’m not wondering if there is an implication.
embellishing her accounts or appropriating elements from others’ escape stories
I grew up in Miami with the Cuban community. Those people use to embellish and outright lie about their experiences in Cuba. People would tell me things like that the government would shoot you because they didn’t like you. Once I went to Cuba myself, I stopped believing anything those people in Miami said. They were straight full of crap.
One dude in particular would claim he was such a victim of the Cuban government. They wanted to lock him up for whatever BS reasons I can’t remember, but something political like upsetting a government official or something. He was somehow an extended family member, and I was at his house for a BBQ. The dude got drunk, and I happened to mention something neutral about Ernesto “The Che” Guevara, and this dude flies off of the handle with some uncomfortable, 30+ mins rant that ruined the night. I left because the night was ruined. While I was leaving, someone I was much closer to in my family later told me on the way to our cars that he had to leave Cuba because he was wanted for rape.
Cuba definitely has its problems and certain restrictions that aren’t common in the rest of Western liberal democracies. Their economy sucks in comparison to a lot of other countries. However, they are under one of the hardest embargoes in the world. Everyone also has free education and healthcare. These are so good, that their health education system is the educator of choice in all of Latin America, and Cuba sends battalions of doctors and other medical providers around the world. I have used their healthcare system multiple times, and it was seriously impressive. It’s not the hellhole these people say it is.
Edit: I wouldn’t have chosen to have been born there, but I also wouldn’t have chosen to have been born in the USA. It seems to me that the best places to have been born are in Western Europe.
Ron DeSantis is receiving pushback from Israeli diplomats, Florida Democrats and the White House after he falsely claimed credit for a gun-running operation to assist Israel’s military operations in Gaza....
Why does the governor of Florida have a stockpile of weapons? Why can a governor send shipments of weapons to another country without going through the federal government? This guy may have just outed himself as violating serious laws.
Clarence Thomas never repaid a millionaire friend’s $267,000 loan which the Supreme Court justice used to buy a 40-foot luxury motorcoach, Senate investigators announced Wednesday....
Wait a minute. I’m taking this four steps further for the benefit of all of humanity. Here we go.
One, we need to convert over to 24-hour time. No more of this ridiculous AM/PM confusing crap that makes calculating times confusing. What time is it? It’s 9. AM or PM? None of that. It’s 9. What time is it 8 hours after 9? It’s 9+8= 17. It’s 17. Not 5p. What the hell. Why did anyone even ever agree to this AM/PM garbage?
Two, we need to end time zones. They are ridiculous. What’s the point?? We could all work on GMT. Imagine, the entire world on one date. A whole worldwide party to celebrate the new year at the same time. International flight scheduling would be soooo intuitive. Your flight time is the arrival time minus the departure time without having to pull out a timezone map and consider daylights-savings to calculate it. What time is it on the International Space Station? The exact same time it is for the rest of humanity. Oh, but then half the world will be awake at night. Nope! They would just adjust their working/wake hours. Instead of the Eastern USA being open from 0900-1700, they would be open from 0400-1300. BTW, calculating that time difference was easy since it was on 24-hour time.
Three, we need to change over to the Julian calendar. What the hell are months even?? They don’t serve any purpose other than to sell calendars, maintain the legacy of ancient emperors that dissolved democracies, and gaslight us by telling us that Sept, Oct, Nov, and Dec mean 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th. Get out of here with that crap. We’re not buying it. Also, you know who else doesn’t use 12-hour time and months?? The US military. They use GMT and Julian calendars for operational matters. Why? Because it makes sense for a global system to use the same thing everywhere!!
Fourth and lastly, we need to switch the year count to the Human Era. Stop with this whole year based on Jesus’ supposed birth or death**. Do we even know if it’s based on his birth or death? It doesn’t matter. Oh, but historians use Before Common Era and Common Era. Okay…and who’s life happens to line up perfectly with the split? That’s like saying that the American Civil Rights movement ended racism in the country, yet there’s still racial segregation and oppression. This is ridiculous. Civilization is letting the life of one person decide when it started?! What about everyone that lived before Jesus? Abroham? Cleopatra? Mark Antony (the full Roman, not the Romantic Puerto Rican)? the Buddha Llama? Sohcrateez? Confusion? Ea-nāṣir?! The correct year is when human civilization started. We are currently in the year 12,023 of the Human Era.
That’s it! We’ve had enough of this oppression propagated by Big Time, including Rolex, Casio, Fossil, and grandfather. This movement starts right here👇, right now👇! One☝🏿humanity. One☝🏾period in the day inconsiderate of the meridian. One☝🏽variable for the date in a year. One☝🏼love. One☝🏻time.
Edit: Right now at the time of this edit, it is 5:00 pm on October 25, 2023 EST (daylights savings time), or better yet, 12023-298-2100 (year-date-time). 31 characters (excluding that it’s daylights savings time!) vs. 14. Look at how simple 😮
We are all one system of humanity functioning on the same time, regardless of what anyone says. Right now is right now, no matter what we call it. It’s time we all progress to a better future at/on the same time.
I don’t remember specifically where I got the idea, but when I was in the military, we used it for operations and never used the month. We would solely state the day of the year. If that has another name, then that’s what I’m talking about. A yearly calendar where the date is the day of the year in sequential order without months.
Kind of, but not exactly. Those are the hours their businesses are open. However, this takes one variable out of the formula, which is calculating the time difference. Rather than having to know the time difference and business hours, you’d only have to know the business hours. Also, it would be even easier if you just shared your availability, which is what matters anyway, but you don’t have to calculate the time difference. There’s only one variable to communicate, which is the universal time they would be available. It’s super simple.
According to the video I linked, it’s not though. It’s based on an estimate of the Agricultural Revolution. I think keeping it attached to the year 2023 is a just nice compromise that allows us to keep some fluidity between our previous year-system and Christians that would be upset. Everyone wins and we could move forward from this outdated system.
Can someone with a newer phone tell me what emoji this is? (lemmy.world)
Mike Johnson Admits He and His Son Monitor Each Other's Porn Intake in Resurfaced Video (www.rollingstone.com)
It’s like watching a clown show. Maybe he should watch more porn and grow up.
What is hamas ?
Arab Muslim student struck in hit-and-run as Stanford University investigates spate of hate crime incidents (www.cnn.com)
At least five possible hate crime incidents at Stanford University since the Israel-Hamas war’s onset are under investigation, including an apparent hit-and-run crash involving an Arab Muslim student, according to the university’s public safety department....
deleted_by_author
Advice on helping a loved one through alcoholism?
My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it’s taking a toll on me. I’m doing all I can and all I know how to do but it’s getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I...
How many alts do you have in the Lemmyverse and what do you use them for?
Video: The constant gaslighting that autistic people experience (infosec.exchange)
Can anyone relate?
NOvember (i.postimg.cc)
Yoga Flamed (i.postimg.cc)
Lemmy.World New Documentation and Updates to the Terms of Service
Hello World!...
Man arrested for pointing gun at 6-year-old boy's head over Halloween goody bag (abcnews.go.com)
Maybe ghosts are real, but since they're incorporeal they're unaffected by gravity and get left behind in the void of space
‘The early adopters have adopted’: US carmakers slow their EV growth plans (www.ft.com)
Lo, His first miracle! (lemmy.world)
Frank the Tank (lemmy.world)
fb friend; “He is our first black cat and we love him to pieces. He loves boxes more than life itself 😆 #nationalblackcatday”
Where did the abbreviation "w/" for "with" come from?
Hi, English isn’t my mother tongue so I was asking myself that question since I first encounted a w/… Back then I was like: “What tf does ‘w slash’ stand for?” And when I found out I was like “How, why, and is it any intuitive?” But I never dared to ask that until now
Linux user (infosec.pub)
Brap (lemmy.zip)
america (lemmy.zip)
If a sun burns hotter with greater mass, does adding a tonne of water make it hotter?
Ron DeSantis’s claim he sent military equipment to Israel unravels (www.theguardian.com)
Ron DeSantis is receiving pushback from Israeli diplomats, Florida Democrats and the White House after he falsely claimed credit for a gun-running operation to assist Israel’s military operations in Gaza....
How to deal with annoying co-worker
So this dude is basically a 46 year old man child and I don’t wanna armchair diagnose people, but he’s probably on the spectrum....
Anon goes to a bar (sh.itjust.works)
Out of sight, out of mind [ADHDinos] (startrek.website)
ADHDinos Source Links:...
Fantasy rednecks (lemmy.world)
Clarence Thomas didn't repay $267K luxury RV loan: Senate committee (www.rawstory.com)
Clarence Thomas never repaid a millionaire friend’s $267,000 loan which the Supreme Court justice used to buy a 40-foot luxury motorcoach, Senate investigators announced Wednesday....
xkcd #2846: Daylight Saving Choice (imgs.xkcd.com)
xkcd.com/2846...
Fossil (feddit.it)
source: Beetlemoses
Google blocked benchmark apps on Pixel 8 and Pixel 8 Pro ahead of launch, but that's not new (9to5google.com)
Nvidia says U.S. speeded up new export curbs on AI chips (www.reuters.com)
🍕ussy (lemmy.world)