Diagnosed with ASD at age five, McCreary got hit with the performance bug not much later. During a difficult time in junior high, he started journaling, eventually turning his pain e into something empowering—and funny. He scored his first stand-up gig at age 14, and hasn't looked back.
It's a tough truth to face up to, but not every Autstic/neurodivergent person is a good person. Many of us find out the hard way that there are members of our own community who will do harm to us collectively and individually.
It's important that we acknowledge the truth that we can always do better as a community. We don't have to be perfect. We just have to do a little better each day.
I've been writing about masking and the impact on your zest this morning.
When we are authentic, what we present to the world mostly matches what we think and feel on the inside.
The pain, effort, challenge and consequences of masking come from when the gulf between who we are inside and how we go about in the public sphere is too wide to cope with.
I would never advise that anyone just "rip off" their metaphorical mask and do it without consideration for a safe, gentle, do-able way to do it.
Many people have told me - and this was also my experience - that once the mask is off, it's off and it's kind of not going back on again!
Therefore, if you desire to unmask, then it's best done gentle and intensely.
It's also important to note that in some places in the world and in some social contexts, it is easier and safer for some people to unmask than others. I acknowledge my own privilege as a white, CIS-gender woman in this respect. That is why I am always sensitive to what is safe and possible within personal contexts when it comes to discussing masking with clients.
In any case, I often find that people who are later-discovered and have masked extensively for years even mask at home, on their own. Sometimes, they don't know who their authentic self is and have lost touch with who they are "at heart".
Therefore, it's usually safe enough to start your unmasking journey by getting to know yourself now you know more about your brain. That's where a lot of my work begins.
If you know your tendencies, preferences, cognitive style, communication needs, and sensory profile, for example, it's a lot easier to have that intentional discussion about if/when you can begin to unmask...perhaps in the privacy of your own home at first.
This was a brutal read. I probably would have stopped around chapter 2 or 3 (the run-up to WWII in regards to the treatment of autistic people) if I hadn't known his central premise was that neurodivergent people aren't broken and are rather part of the natural range of humanity and should be as celebrated as any other group. The history of diagnosis and treatment is detailed and clear.
In this really interesting analytic video youtuber Meeka le Fay discussing the probability of that relying on some pretty hefty evidence in favor of this version.
Morning, all!
Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to appear on SalesTV this morning.
I am talking about neurodivergence in sales, and how sales leaders can support their neurodivergent team members, as well as ideas for how to support yourself to deal with your workplace needs in sales.
If you want to work with me and see me in this setup, then the next chance is my emotional regulation workshop on the 27th of October at 7.15pm.
We'll talk about
what emotional regulation is
how emotional regulation/dysregulation can show up for ADHD and autistic adults
the kind of relationship you'd like to have to your emotions
one recommendation I can give for starting off a journey of emotional regulation
your mini-action plan for relating to your emotions in the way you'd prefer
We don't demonise any emotions (it can zap zest to do so) and I take a compassionate and accepting approach.
You get a free pdf workbook 3 days before the workshop to allow you to reflect and prepare, and understand more about the session. Captions will be on. You have your camera off if you need, and communication is through the chatbox, so no one needs to speak. We will also keep session confidentiality, and no recordings of you are sent out.
So if you'd like to see and experience your emotions in a slightly different way, this could be the session for you.
You get to work with a trained coach (me) for 1hr 15 minutes for just £15.
Having both #autism and #ADHD really sucks because you need some kind of structure and routine in order to function, yet you are unable to sustain it. @actuallyautistic
I had a powerful realisation about why I need to lean more into my authentic self this week.
Some of you will be aware that two of my deep interests in coaching psychology are the qualities of zest and self-regulation.
Zest relates to your motivation, energy, mojo, "vim and vigour", and a feeling of alive-ness.
Self-regulation is all about the structures, habits, principles and self-care practices you put into place in your life to feel more balanaced and settled in yourself.
A third interest is demonstrating in both theory and practice that the latter creates the former.
That is to say, if you regulate yourself, it can boost your zest.
It doesn't seem like rocket science when I put it like that, but I am the only coaching psychologist currently to say this explicitly and to be developing a theoretical framework on this - and one that can be useful and inclusive in coaching people like us.
But what I've been doing is hiding this.
I have been too scared that people won't be interested or won't find this information valuable.
As such, I've not been sharing my ideas with you - the very people they could help - to the fullest extent.
I've also had an emotional block around actually producing and publishing my research, and around writing a book - something I have always wanted to do but have not yet put into action.
Thanks to a powerful coaching conversation of my own at the weekend, I have decided to draw a line in the sand and stop hiding my autistic research interests for fear of what others will think.
I will be more authentic and, as a result, happier for being and expressing my true self more. On balance, as long as it is safe to do so, we feel better in our skin when our insides match our public outsides. Currently, this is not true for me - I am hiding parts of myself that are important to me, and it's holding me back as a researcher and a coach.
So what this all means for you lovely people on a practical level is that I'll be talking and writing much more about zest, self-regulation, and the connection between the two.
If you're low on energy and motivation, and feel this would be of interest to you, I'd love to hear below...it'll give me a sense that there are people who will benefit from more honest and open sharing of the research I do.
Over the coming months, you'll see me change my branding messages, newsletters, and blog posts to reflect more content on the topics of zest and self-regulation for neurodivergent people...and how we can foster these safely and accessibly in coaching work.
It starts today. I'm drawing the line in the sand.
Wish me luck and continued bravery on this journey! And let me know if this special focus might be of use to you!
Becci (The Neurodivergent Zest and Self-Regulation Coach...wow, I've actually said it!)
one of my big problems in life is that i'm not good at motivating myself to do things. left to my own devices, doing things—even things i enjoy—is sporadic at best.
music, drawing, learning programming—all these things i'm interested in, but struggle to follow through on, & it's very frustrating. i need externally-imposed structure to get anything done.
i always struggled with homework, but my grades were great otherwise (honors, AP, etc). eventually i started doing my homework in school, cause i just wouldn't get it done at home.
& i don't really know what to do about this, which is doubly frustrating.
if anyone else can relate to this and has advice for how to navigate it and start doing the things i wanna do, i'd greatly appreciate it! #autism#ActuallyAutistic
i've tried searching online, but i get a lot of resources for parents, teachers, etc (and of course that one eugenicist organization makes multiple appearances in the results :ms_rolling_eyes:). i want things i can do for myself to help with this. i'm not a child, i'm just autistic.
I wonder if there is any research on children of autistic parents, both autistic and not. It would be a touchy subject to pry open, from several perspectives on ethics. But I am both an autistic father and a son of an autistic father, so… I've been wondering. @actuallyautistic
I've found that as a quick litmus test is whether or not the tone of the study is centered on the needs of the autist or on the needs of those around the autist. (The latter includes "we must cure them" attitudes.)
There's a clip from Chris Packham in the blog post I wrote (link below) which really kind of illustrates the difference.
On World Mental Health Day, don't forget that I have a short and (I'm told) interesting podcast episode on neurodivergence and mental health.
Take a look if you've got 12 minutes to spare to build your understanding of how mental health can show up for different brains, and to reflect on what you want and need.
@actuallyautistic Having major depressive disorder with generalized anxiety disorder as a co-morbidity of #autism is challenging. I tend to be more depressed in the mornings and feel almost depression free at night. The condition is puzzling and frustrating. For anybody else experiencing depression, do you have specific times of the day where the depression is or seems worse?
Reflecting this morning on the specific ways growing up undiagnosed autistic can lead to distrust of other humans. It's incredibly confusing to have so many demands/expectations of both your peers and people you're supposed to look up to lead to pain and discomfort, and even more alienating when you can't communicate about it in a way that those people would be able to understand because they don't experience life in the same way.
If this resonates with you, my inner child would like to offer your inner child a hug - no pressure or expectations. ❤️🩹
The research found that kids with ASD and ADHD couldn't clear out BPA and another similar compound called Diethylhexyl Phthalate (DEHP) with as much efficiency as other kids, potentially leading to longer exposure to their toxic effects.
IF these compounds are more prevalent recently, and IF the toxic effects are what cause the ADHD symptoms, THEN we might end up with newly ADHD and autistic adults who don't get diagnosed as such because there is no childhood history of such.
We have to stop holding Autistic children 100% responsible for a world that bombardment them with hostility, and professionals that not only don't know how to support them, but don't care that they don't know.
I'm autistic, so I guess it's natural that I will never, ever be able to understand exactly when is the correct time to add my point to a group conversation.
Watching the conversation move onto a totally different topic, while a really good point is left unsaid, is a very specific autistic sadness.
"Nah, I don't stim!"
"Is THIS stimming?"
"I stim, therefore I am"
-from "Initiation Rites for the Late-Identified #ActuallyAutistic "-
I really thought I don't stim. I don't rock or flap my hands or jump or chew things or make stimmy sounds.
Of course, I do softly grind my teeth (sometimes I may wear night guard during daytime too), wiggle my toes or legs, enjoy knitting simple patterns (= the same repetitive motion), fidget like there's no tomorrow with any small object I can get my hands on and may start picking my nails if I can't find anything else, doodle, I might undo my hair and braid it while watching TV, or braid tassels of my throw blanket...
Stimming is healthy and good for you. Do it.
If -as is the case with many late-identified autists- you have suppressed your stims or been pressured to stop and feel like you have forgotten how to stim, then try to start again. Learn about different stims and just try different ones until you find something that does the trick for you.
In my experience, people who are most eager to tell me, that I "can't be" #ActuallyAutistic because I don't fit their very narrow and very outdated stereotypical ideas, are the first to run for the hills when -as inevitably happens sooner or later- I flash my #Autism stripes...
@actuallyautistic#ActuallyAutistic so many thanks to those who have made feel feel heard and welcome here in the past weeks. the story thus far: 41 years of "muddling thru" depression, anxiety, misc mysterious health problems, etc when one day a new friend (very rare!) shared with me that they are autistic, and respectfully asked me if i might be too.
this [re]kindled lots of thoughts and feels and sent me down a path of recognizing and uncovering some fairly autistic-seeming traits and behaviors that i had been ignoring or suppressing. i have lately been thinking of myself as "provisionally autistic" which is how i'm trying to walk this line between, one the one hand, not mentally framing Autism As One True The Explanation For Everything and stretching things to try to force them to fit; and, on the other hand, not giving in to Autistic Imposter Syndrome. i want "provisionally autistic" to be a comfortable in-between place where i can "let myself be as autistic as i am" without "trying to be autistic when i'm not" and just observe myself and see how it goes. if that makes any sense?
but (and this is a question mainly to all you late/recent adult [self/]dx folks out there, but of course also anyone else who wants to respond):
How do you KNOW?
i'm stuck in this place where lots of things seem relatable and plausible but there is no sense of AHA IT FITS. there's no THIS FINALLY EXPLAINS IT. i know it's early for me yet -- i've been taking this seriously for weeks not years -- and i probably have to be patient with myself . . . but ggghhhghg.
maybe i'm just venting? i don't know. i'm having a day.
@samiam@actuallyautistic What made it all make sense is another student (I was 60 when this happened) described her issues buying clothes, that the shade of blue mattered, and whether they were too rough or not...basically, sensory processing disorder. Lists of symptoms didn't make sense until then - and they don't always include SPD as a symptom, but a former counselor said she'd never met anyone with #autism who didn't have it.