TL:DR I am not unaware of the significance of of todays entry 😆 ; Chats with my Bestie & my Bro made my day; Who knew writing could be cathartic !; Christmas, like Winter, is coming !! 😉
Sunday was a ridiculously nice day, only let down by the weather !
4am , sleepy chat with my Bestie, then when she went out to walk yon doggie I snoozed until Mrs Squirrel woke about 8ish.
Breakfast was followed by catching up on here a little & a bit of TV over a cuppa.
My brother rang & we had a really long chat to catch up & talk about my ASD diagnosis & how he could help. I think my brother is my most favourite sibling & we get on like a house on fire!
This afternoon was taken up by writing a long letter to my old Deputy Head Master / 5th form English teacher from Secondary School, he writes a quarterly ‘Old Boys’ news letter & we have kept in contact for 40 years. Old habits die very hard so I still see him as a kindly figure of authority as opposed to any other form of relationship.
I have told him about my initial diagnosis for ASD & I think he will maybe understand better than my father , which would be nice.
I also told him about my antics on here & sent him a couple of my poems - I hope he likes them (& gives me a good grade 😆 ) .
I also wrote shorter letters to one of my aunts who lives in Cumbria & a the single friend I still keep in touch with from my days at IBM.
The afternoon flowed into evening as I wrote countless xmas cards, a task that I am not overly fond of , but tradition dictates.
A quick evening meal & an episode of the last series of ‘Ghosts’ got me to now.
Final Thoughts:
Having spoken to my bother for nearly 2 hours today it struck me that he, his partner & my teenage niece are my favourite blood relatives , by quite a long way. I am uncomfortable with this a little, I do love the rest of my family , but in a slightly distant fashion.
Christmas is not a massive thing for me, but it is a time when I dust off my address book & re-connect with the tiny list of people that I keep in touch with.
It is a strangely satisfying experience .
Gotta crack on with the ASD assessment stuff tomorrow !
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Calling all #ActuallyAutistic comrades who are newly identified or exploring their neurotype!
Come connect with me and fellow autistics in a safe & affirming autistic space where we will learn more about ourselves, self-advocacy, and managing life in a neurotypical world.
@actuallyautistic Once in a while, I wonder what it might've been like to talk to my parents about being Autistic. I doubt it would've been a useful conversation... but I suspect I would've tried to make it more useful by talking about traits and behaviours first, before calling it autism. It would've been interesting to see how much of it they could relate to.
I'm not entirely sure how my dad would've reacted... the few conversations we had as adults felt strained and awkward.
My mom probably would've been confused about why I would think I'm Autistic (just like she was confused about why I thought I needed therapy) but I doubt she would've rejected or doubted the idea. I don't think she'd really accept or acknowledge it either. For her, it'd be more like "Oh, okay, neat... so when can you go to the store for me? I'm out of Tylenol and Diet Coke"
I can see hints of neurodivergence in my memories of both of them. Alas, they both passed long before I discovered I'm Autistic.
I had hoped to go out to a show tonight, but nope... Taking a drive at dusk to pick something up at the store for my mom used up all of the mental energy I had, and by the time I got home, I was in full blown headache mode.
One of the things I hate about winter is how early it gets dark. Being out at dusk is SO much more overstimulating in the winter because other people are still out and about when it gets dark at 4, so you get a face full of headlights when you're driving around.... and the mixture of astigmatism making lights looking streaky and autism's overstimulation.... I just can't.
So, once again I've cancelled my plans to stay home in the dark because it's too much to take a drive and go out tonight, and I am so frustrated about it and my lack of planning to make it work.
TL:DR How long can this streak last ? ( I hope I haven’t jinxed it ! ) ; I never expected the Diagnostic Assessment to be such hard work, it’s worse than applying for a job, it’s worse than applying for a job in a high security location!
Well who’d a thunk - 3 days (nearly) on the trot of a fairly chilled Squirrel!
Up early, but having had a rough night I had a quick chat with my Bestie then went back to sleep.
Had a great NMS co-op session with CDP 🧚♀️ after breakfast, it was so much fun teaching someone else the tricks & bits n bobs, she was worried that I might get bored playing with a noob , but it was enormous fun !
Worked on my ASD assessment self-report form, today, & have started tracking trigger points & behaviour.
Boy am I set in my ways !
It’s weird , many of my routines are deeply based on logic, but are routines nonetheless !
There are 25 pages to this thing! I have until Tuesday afternoon ! (Which is probably why I spent the grand total of about an hour on it today 🙄🤦♂️ )
This afternoon & evening have flown past , the latter part of the day was taken up with catching up with a couple of topical satirical news shows & then Mrs Squirrel & I watched ‘The Creator’ which I can defo recommend to sci-fi fans, some slightly tongue in cheek nods to Star Wars, Blade Runner & Chappie !
Final Thoughts:
I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, it’s all going far too well!
I best get a fecking ASD diagnosis after all this work, I know me and oddly I will probably feel like a complete fraud & stranger still a complete failure if I don’t !
I hope I sleep tonight, I’ve had a few restless nights so far this week & need some decent sleep !
I love sci fi movies 😆
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I told my mother that I am Autistic. I am in my 50s, she is in her 70s. I had not wanted to talk about it with her for a very long time now, because she tends to believe that anything like that is caused by her being a "bad mother"; she bought into that hype from a long time ago, and never let it go.
I got the expected response. She said that she doesn't think I'm Autistic, because she bases her knowledge of Autism on the people who make the news due to NT people thinking they are gifted or strange, and on movie characters like Rain Man. She said it's ok that I investigate Autism "if it makes you feel better". Not that I was asking her permission.
Then when I was listing behaviors of mine that I attribute to Autism, she said, "I do those things too." I said, "yeah, it is hereditary...". But she would never investigate it about herself. She could never accept the label for herself, or for me.
I don't know why I try. I guess I do find some peace with myself having told her, because I felt bad talking about it so much with other family members, without her knowing. I still don't feel the need to talk with her about my cPTSD from childhood; I know I won't get a good response to that.
#AltText
The title "Autistic Galaxy" adds a layer of meaning to the image, emphasizing the rich and intricate inner universe often experienced by individuals on the autism spectrum. The cosmic scene within the silhouette suggests the depth and vastness of the autistic mind, filled with unique patterns of thought and perception. The intermingling of celestial bodies and mechanical elements could symbolize the structured yet expansive nature of autistic cognition, where logic and imagination coexist in harmony. The flow of ideas and thoughts might be represented by the comet-like streams, illustrating the dynamic and continuous movement of an autistic individual's internal universe. This image could be seen as a celebration of the diversity and complexity of the autistic experience, encapsulating the beauty of a perspective that encompasses both the analytical and the creative.
Since I discovered I'm an autist, it has been a long way. It was like I was born again but this time with the right manual.
I ditched a lot of things including friends. Day after day I learn to know myself better and to live after my culture.
We are at the beginning of the holiday period with Christmas and New Year's Eve. This was one of my first moves towards accepting my culture. I decided to stop celebrating these. No more dinners, no more parties.
People could legitimately ask why I made this radical decision. The story begins a long time ago when I was born. These holidays were a thing that we had to do. It's a tradition.
But a tradition of whom? This is a question I was asking myself for nearly three decades. It wasn't as clear as I wrote it here. I participated but didn't really enjoy the time. It was actually the opposite.
I didn't understand why we did all these things. I was like a spectator of the whole evening or night. I would say that I enjoyed the moment because others enjoyed it. If you went there you had to enjoy it, right? Well No! I was full of what I would discover later being anxiety.
One day, I said I would not attend the Christmas dinner. I stayed at home alone. It was my best Christmas ever! No fatigue the day after, no anxiety, everything was nice. But, I also discovered what was wrong with all of these holidays.
I always had a weird and strange feeling during these days that didn't match anxiety or anything else that was emotional or feelings. It was that Christmas, New Year's Eve, etc. didn't make sense at all. It was the holidays of these people. They were not mine. They were not part of my culture. They didn't match my identity.
So, after nearly three decades, I stopped all of them to live in harmony with my culture and identity. I guess it's reasonable accommodation for an #actuallyAutistic
When minority groups are facing a decline in their well-being due to real problems that affect their group, no amount of positive thinking will make that go away.
It is completely unreasonable to ask people to think positively about their lack of privilege in a situation.
Hi Uair, welcome and thanks for the follow! I don't know what you mean by "group" but yes, this online community has been amazing for me, too. It's really like finding one's people 💛
There are some good hashtags to follow, like #actuallyAutistic, and also a pretty active group on gup.pe.
We've had so many interesting discussions, sometimes lively, but only very rarely did I feel the need to block someone.
TL:DR A chilled, quiet day , one filled with love & folks helping me to centre myself!; SNICoM is born 😆 ; Blessed are they who have good mates !
Hurrah for quiet days !
Spent the day mostly chilled, the usual triggers around a certain someone seemingly being unable to do basic tasks but noting remotely serious! Thank Nuggan !!
Got to have decent chats with both CDP 🧚♀️ & my Kelda, which truly made my day. Two people I can honestly say mean a massive amount to me & , in their own unique ways make my world a much better place!
My Queen may well be pouting at this point, but worry not , the love of the Sister of my Heart intertwines with all others !
It seems that I have developed a somewhat piratical air, my threads (via MAJ1 ) are apparently notorious & I have somehow reached the point of having an inner circle (again via MAJ1 , since Tim is a total innocent 😆 !) - or as DT (a key member 😆) would have it … SNICoM -> Squirrels Notorious Inner Circle of Miscreants ! 😆
You don’t have to be slightly bonkers to be ASD , but it certainly helps 😂
I managed to con my brother into filling in an ASD Informants report - that’ll teach you to be a smart arse Bro! 😜😂
I end today , really very happy & slightly drunk! ( Project WOOF is in abeyance 🤦♂️ )
Final Thoughts:
Thank Nuggan for truly close friends , I am blessed by having an obscene number of them on here!
Members of SNICoM I salute you ! 🤗🥰
Bro , it is likely you will never get to read this, but I love you , I hope all eldest sons are lucky enough to have such a one in their family!
Sorry I am waxing lyrical because I am slightly drunk, but - in vino veritas !
This is a super long road that I am on, even though I am making decent progress, I am not religious but I am truly blessed to have good & caring friends to help me make the distance!
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I went yesterday to the dental hygienist to clean my teeth obviously. It was the first time in many many years. We should talk about accessibility another time.
I went there for the first time. I didn't choose this place randomly. I went to the dental clinic of the local university. I disclosed my hypersensitivity in the Formular and to the dental hygienist.
It went amazingly well. They even said I could wear sunglasses if I wanted. They accommodated their process to me and were helpful.
Then, the dentist came to look at some teeth. The dentist took the mask off without me saying anything so I could read on the lips as it helps me to understand.
A great experience where I was comfortable and felt understood as part of society and humanity. #actuallyAutistic
I'm speaking here as an #autistic person, my score is 7 out of 10.
Also note:
I've heard a lot of good things about this.
This was released 10 years ago.
Those said and considered:
The show is not about the autistic person, or #autism for that matter. Autism was only used as a literary device to create a drama, like most other shows (be it Asian or Western) where there is an autistic character.
There was an excessive emphasis on "dumb", "stupid", and "idiot". Instead of it making people emphatize, it makes an audience hateful.
None of them actually showed that they finally understood autism and autistic people. To the very end, it was all about "do this" and "do that" so people will accept you and respect you. Sure, this is a common problem with society, however, should they have ended it that way? People will unconsciously think that's the proper way. It is not acceptance, it is forcing an autistic person to be "neurotypical".
And yet, 박시온 (Park Shi On) said in the last episode that it hurts him more when he's trying to remove his difference. But the people around him still acted the same way to end. There's a disconnect there.
The female lead is a prime example of a lover who doesn't understand a single thing about autism and autistic persons. She never showed any sign that she's doing her best to understand him, nope, instead she's doing her best to make him a "normal" person.
Yes, that's how it is in the real world. I've been in such a relationship. However, why leave it that way? She want to do things her way to the end. She will eventually get tired and quit. They will have a lot of fights. 시온 (Shi On) will just keep doing the same thing, keep quiet, say it is okay, say he is not mad, because he is always the one doing the "understanding".
What they did was to only validate that this relationship is doomed to fail instead of showing how a relationship with an autistic person can be if done properly.
The entire show, it was 박시온 who did the understanding and adjustments. Basically, the show taught us that autistic people should mask, mask, mask, and mask more. That no one will accept you unless you "get over" your autism (or in other words, mask your autism).
Conclusion:
While it did show the discrimination, stereotype, and prejudices against autistic people.
While it did capture the traits and quirks of an autistic person well.
I cannot recommend this show at all because it does more damage than in helping the autistic cause.
If I watched this when it was released in 2013, yes, I would say the same thing and rate it similarly. I'm sorry.
Just watch 이상한 변호사 우영우 (Extraordinary Attorney Woo).
I am still a little different from other people.
I speak and act a little differently.
So I tried very, very hard to eliminate the differences, but I couldn't do it.
The more I tried, the more it hurt.
So I thought I'd always be different until the day I die.
But many nice people filled in the gap for me.
And that is how I am standing before you today.
Thank you for filling in the gap.
Thank you for not avoiding me.
And thank you very, very much for your love.
Still trying to figure out who in my family is neurodivergent and how.
Seems like there is a pattern emerging: If both parents are neurodivergent, chances for the kids to be is at almost 100%. If only one parent is, chances seem to be about 50/50.
Anyone know if there are actual studies on that or is there just not enough data from past generations?
@looneybyron@pathfinder This gets me to wondering though… if indeed #neurodivergence is inherited and not recessive, then won’t it quickly become the new normative expectation? Seems like #evolution to me… 😁