How to you manage to spend quality time with your neurotypical partner, without draining yourself and not turn into a freaking control person about « what and when » if what they like is spontaneity ?
Just had my results session for my ASD assessment, and I've officially been diagnosed with ASD now. I guess that's exciting? The psychologist kept asking if I needed time to process it, and stuff like that, and not really? Am I supposed to? I had kind of come to terms with it over the past couple months, so it wasn't really news to me. I guess more than anything it's affirming to hear it from a professional?
TL:DR NMS is game de jour yet again, I may be somewhat addicted!; Alcohol crutch or curse ? ; The rollercoaster ride of life continues.
Another day on No Mans Sky, it’s 80% of my life at the moment!
I’ve been ‘lucky’ this week in that Mrs Squirrel has been in the office most of the week so I could really relax & not mask & not be triggered for most of the day.
I often wonder if this is just a ‘bad patch’ or if it’s something more.
Tonight my phone went while I was washing up, Mrs Squirrel was less than 5 ft away on the couch but “couldn’t” answer it.
Thankfully it turns out it was a spam call, rather than an important one.
Alcohol fixes many things it seems.
Nothing much, a couple of ciders & a rum n dry, but more than I usually have - heavyweight drinker that I am 😂
Final Thoughts:
The rollercoaster ride continues, I am definitely on the way up at the moment , but it is most certainly 2 steps forward 1 step back !
I worry that booze is becoming a crutch, I tell myself that it is simply the taste I like, but I wonder if there is something more to it.
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
So, folks, when a combination of autistic shutdown and a major depressive episode due ongoing stress hits you hard, when that final little (or not so little) straw yet again lands on your back... Do you have someone to turn to for help, you can count on?
Two of my closest peeps are dealing with some heavy poopoo themselves, so ain't gonna bother them, and not much they could do either, I recon. Just shut down totally for a couple of hours, like lights out, nobody working in the head office (the butterfly meme here with "Is this dissociating?) Woke up now, and I have no clue what to do, who to turn to (and yes, I've had social workers and nurses and all kinds of professional contacts, but alas, with this particular straw, nobody seems to be able or rather willing to help). Also, is there an "Actually Depressed" group? Seriously, if someone knows a good peer support chat for depression/the worse kind of depression, fling me a PM or something. My old one has pretty much died, no pun intended...
The Autistic Self Advocacy Network has updated their COVID-19 resources. Lots of info on shots, masks, long Covid, etc., and in many forms - video, plain-language text, easy reads, etc.
Each day, I pour my heart into my work... to be a voice in our autism journey. Basically, cuz I gotta. That's special interests for ya...
But now, I’ve hit a snag.
Our car, my lifeline in this rural Owensburg, is crying for help.
We were so fortunate... family members Zach & Sky GAVE us the van. Our Odyssey's absolutely neccessary to survive. At least in the country village we chose to support my autistic sensory need.
But we're facing brakes & tires. Which ain't cheap. I’m staring down a $500 bill.
Plus Christmas is coming for the family. Kimmie has 7 extraordinary kids. And then there's the 17 grandkids showing more and more signs of extraordinary every day...
If you've found a friend in my words, consider lending a hand. It’s more than just money; it’s keeping our dream of an autistic community alive.
You guys make MY dreams come true. Every day. In my freaking 70s.
It's my raw hope, I help make one or two come true for you by sharing my lived experience.
I’m forever grateful for your past support. Together, we're more than just a community; we're a family.
With your help, we can continue this amazing journey. Thanks for being the stars in my night sky.
Big shoutout to EVERYBODY for always being there. And making AutisticAF Out Loud a reality!
Angie Kilroy
Bernard Grant
Bernadette Grosjean
Brea Corwin
Bridget Donahue
Burnett Grant
Chris Thompson
Cinja
Ed Dupree
Fellow Autistic
Heidi
Irene
JD Goulet
Jim Hogan
Kimmie Knapp
Marcus Garrett
Martin Nutbeem
Merlin Star
Nonimiz on TikTok
Potto
Tad
Wick
Zach & Sky Granger
And a dozen more folks who prefer anonymity.
I have a number of question for people who report #aphantasia :
Do you daydream at all, and if you do, how does that work without visuals?
How does your memory work in general? Assuming you remember seeing things, being in places, meeting people, how does that work?
When you need to describe the appearance of something, how do you go about doing that? Do you plan ahead and memorize lists of features while the thing is in front of you?
Thanks! I’m trying to wrap my brain around this phenomenon I can’t experience myself so if you take some time to educate me I’ll be forever grateful.
„No! You‘re wrong! What a shit take! You have no idea what you‘re talking about! Stop the drugs, man!“ and the like.
After some discussion, people say:
„I have not thought of it this way. I got you wrong. We should actually consider doing it your way. You seem to have deeper insight than the average person.“
This often makes me question my place in this world. Anyone else? #actuallyautistic
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 46 Thursday 14/12/23
TL:DR NMS is game de jour again, I may be a tiny bit addicted!; MH is well on the way up, but there are still peaks & troughs!; Sometimes being autistic sucks !
Another quiet day, my addiction to gaming is back.
Pretty much spent the day - minus a couple of hours doing chores (gotta do the essentials ) playing No Mans Sky, my goto recovery game.
In one way this is a very good sign , it means my MH has improved past the ‘can’t be arsed with anything’ stage to the ‘can be arsed with 1 thing’ stage.
On the other hand perhaps if it was something more productive I’d feel like a better person.
Good news on the MiL boiler front, all fixed & working , with minimal cost & effort!
Just been triggered 🙄🤦♂️
Mrs Squirrel did the thing where she heads to bed at 8pm & turns the TV off, sod the fact that I might have other plans. It’s laughably easy to turn it back on again, but the fact that she treats me like I’m not here - which she knows I HATE triggers me something rotten, how hard is it to ask the question?!
I know it was probably unthinking , but then so is just making her lunch & not mine & leaving the sink a mess because hey it’s not like there’s anyone else in the house to notice.
Sorry I’m off my AD meds, for reasons to complex to explain here, so filters that would normally be applied are missing.
Final Thoughts:
I wonder if future generations of governments will make access to a fully immersive gaming experience free to control the masses ? I for one would not fight that 😆
To quote a song, whose title & performer are lost to the vagaries of my memory … “Into every life a little rain must fall! “
Why does being triggered have to be so all encompassing a mood change ? Why can’t a silly thing just annoy me slightly & be forgotten , instead of darkening the whole of the rest of the day ?
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
Whew... while I was quietly sitting in my apartment: loud, pounding footsteps coming up outside stairs, then a sudden and loud attempt to come in my front door, no knocking, but the door was fortunately locked. I look out my kitchen window and see two men.
I'm so shocked by this I go into a reaction mode (I'm that way lately, very shut down and withdrawn) and I loudly ask them why they tried to come in without knocking, and this becomes, initially, an argument.
Turns out someone had died. They were entering to find the body, but entered wrong apt. I explained to them, regardless of situation, always knock.
Anyway... taking deep breaths. Another day of being very environmentally sensitive in an aggressive insensitive world.
They ended up apologizing, and I apologized as well (even though I was right, but that's me trying to bridge across to their world), and the left.
And of course I sit here feeling I once again overreacted and "should have been more calm".
Thoughts based on Michelle Garnett and Tony Attwood's article on "Autistic Flourishing" and how we, autistic adults, can thrive in this life without changing who we are.
Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 45 Wednesday 13/12/23
TL:DR NMS is game de jour again! ; Besties are the best 🤗🥰 ; Pretty chilled & MH is on the up ! 😊
Super good day, pretty much NMS wall to wall, major push to finish Expedition 9, which turned out to be worthwhile as I got a mean Fighter ship out of it , that I can use in EVERY other save & all future saves.
CDP 🧚♀️ will defo be jealous in the morning 😆
Talking of CDP 🧚♀️ who could wish for a better bestie, we played solo this morning but chatted & then had a major co-op session this afternoon!
I think it is a quirk of my ASD that I can only coop with 1 person, & they have to be an exact fit! No wonder its taken so long to get into co-op playing !
Project WOOF sadly took a serious step back today, I could not resist hitting the Danish Butter cookies, which are bite sized & ridiculously moreish !
Hey ho, mucho exercising & dieting in the new year!
The fact that today was another day where all the masks were off also helped sp much to relax me!
Final Thoughts:
Ok I must be getting better MH wise, my gaming addiction is coming back!
Vis a vis the above - I need to schedule my time !!
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I am now actively looking for a software engineering job. BSEE. Over the last 10 years I have primarily worked with modern php (7 and 8) using Drupal, but am also fluent in javascript, python, C, etc. I can do front end type stuff but am hapiest working out API requests (sending and receiving), dealing with complex data sets. I’ve done Single Sign On implementations using SAML in both directions, #actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic
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have patched Drupal core, contrib modules, supported and helped maintain several open source projects. I have some automated testing experience: unit tests and integration, but the nature of agency work often lets this be lowest priority. I prefer to work on teams where engineers and project managers treat each other as equals and where neurodiverse people are supported rather than forced to fit into a neurotypical world. #actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic [2of2]
No issues for me. I prepare myself in advance so the security check is mostly no problem.
Tips:
Always ask for accommodations just after or before you book your flight. Airlines and airport may offer some. It sadly depends on them and the local legislation.
The first thing is to read all you need to know for the security check.
The liquids have to be in a closeable plastique back. The ones for the freezer work fine. The plastic bag needs to be placed in a easily reachable place.
The same applies for all your electronic devices including headphones/earphones, chargers, etc. Place all of them in a easily reachable placed plastic bag. At the security check, you need to pull out of the bag just one plastic bag what make the whole process quicker and easy.
Depending on where you travel, at least in the Schengen area it's fine to take your solid food with you through the security check. You can take your confort food with you. You can let the food in the cabin bag. The same applies for empty plastic bottles. You can take an empty bottle through the security check and fill the bottle in the toilets.
All the usual stuffs for the hyper-/hyposensitivities like headphones, stimming toys, comfortable clothes (it's not the fashion week /s), etc.
In the airport, there may be a quiet space or room. It's helpful for the anxiety. If the airport has a specific accommodation, I recommend to use it if it fits your needs. You have the right to do so.
In the airplane, if there is free rows, you can ask to move there to be alone.
I really want to know why people think that is a valid question?
ABA is not about helping the person be themselves or have a better life, but to try to “convert” them to be more like other people to make those other people feel more comfortable with their beliefs.