Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 45 Wednesday 13/12/23
TL:DR NMS is game de jour again! ; Besties are the best 🤗🥰 ; Pretty chilled & MH is on the up ! 😊
Super good day, pretty much NMS wall to wall, major push to finish Expedition 9, which turned out to be worthwhile as I got a mean Fighter ship out of it , that I can use in EVERY other save & all future saves.
CDP 🧚♀️ will defo be jealous in the morning 😆
Talking of CDP 🧚♀️ who could wish for a better bestie, we played solo this morning but chatted & then had a major co-op session this afternoon!
I think it is a quirk of my ASD that I can only coop with 1 person, & they have to be an exact fit! No wonder its taken so long to get into co-op playing !
Project WOOF sadly took a serious step back today, I could not resist hitting the Danish Butter cookies, which are bite sized & ridiculously moreish !
Hey ho, mucho exercising & dieting in the new year!
The fact that today was another day where all the masks were off also helped sp much to relax me!
Final Thoughts:
Ok I must be getting better MH wise, my gaming addiction is coming back!
Vis a vis the above - I need to schedule my time !!
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
I remember similar promises from religion and i suspect that the US is goingmto continue to make that promise with no intention of following through on it.
There are some Dem party activists who are pleading with the party for Biden to step aside and let someone else run. Are they Trump supporters too? Why does it have to be Biden? We have time to pick someone else, possibly someone who isn't underwriting the genocide of an entire people.
I am now actively looking for a software engineering job. BSEE. Over the last 10 years I have primarily worked with modern php (7 and 8) using Drupal, but am also fluent in javascript, python, C, etc. I can do front end type stuff but am hapiest working out API requests (sending and receiving), dealing with complex data sets. I’ve done Single Sign On implementations using SAML in both directions, #actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic
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have patched Drupal core, contrib modules, supported and helped maintain several open source projects. I have some automated testing experience: unit tests and integration, but the nature of agency work often lets this be lowest priority. I prefer to work on teams where engineers and project managers treat each other as equals and where neurodiverse people are supported rather than forced to fit into a neurotypical world. #actuallyautistic@actuallyautistic [2of2]
I really want to know why people think that is a valid question?
ABA is not about helping the person be themselves or have a better life, but to try to “convert” them to be more like other people to make those other people feel more comfortable with their beliefs.
And a very nice projection it was too. 😁 I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes, sadly, that’s not possible. Mind you, I think some people genuinely believe something, then double down when they start seeing evidence they were wrong. Admitting they might’ve caused pain is difficult. But I’d feel worse about continuing to do so.
December 12th is always an emotional day for me. It's my late wife Barbara's birthday, and the #grief wells up and spills out.
Today was absolutely just such a day. And to top it off, my roommate went off on a rant about how my depth of feeling on that topic is wrong and unhealthy. Not her words. I cleaned it up.
I had a huge meltdown as a result. Now I'm exhausted, and in pain. I'm turning in for tonight. I hope.
A while ago someone on here mentioned how often #ActuallyAutistic folks have difficulty sleeping and that centering your sensory needs can help. They suggested ear plugs and canopy beds, along with weighted blankets and such.
Today I was finally able to hang my new (to me) canopy and I am sat in my bed right now and cannot even begin to tell you the joy I feel.
I don't remember who the person was who shared but thank you!!
TL:DR NMS is game de jour ; If deadlines loom then locking myself away physically & digitally seems to be the only way to get me to concentrate ! ; Sometimes it’s nice to be reminded of old successes! ; Best friends rock n roll ! ASD assessments take FOREVER !
Morning chat with CDP 🧚♀️ ended up in an early morning NMS session, not co-op as I’m on with my expedition & she wanted to practice build & repairing. In the co-op save we have found a couple of ‘S’ class Royal Ships from the get go, which is fantastic ! Sadly mucho repairs required & a cold planet - which we will have to warp to another system to find !
CDP 🧚♀️ is still getting used to my quirky memory , with many a ‘oh another thing that I forgot to tell you earlier ….. “ driving her slightly nuts 😆
Went into DnD mode to finish the ASD self assessment form notes for this afternoons session.
Dug out the documentation from my TDB (Tape DASD Buffer) project, you know what, once upon a long time ago I was a shit hot Storage Manager ! Shame I’m now a house elf , but hey , memories ! 😊
Finished in time to have a chat before the meeting which was lovely!
The 2nd assessment session went really well, although I waxed so lyrical that a 3rd session is now booked to complete the S/A report!
I could finally relax after the appointment ended & I played a little more NMS .
Mrs Squirrel , who had been in the office returned & game had to go away , mask had to go back on & tea had to be made.
Final Thoughts:
I am so much better MH wise since I started this journey, yes there are episodes & triggers , but they are thankfully short lived & easier to cope with thanks to the support that I get from my Elephant riding friends !
I had forgotten why a major financial institution trusted me to ensure its key data was backed up in a timely & effective manner - I never realised it at the time, but I was a decent Tech back in the day !
One more Pre-assessment session then I’m assuming the real thing sometime in January / February ‘24 .
I hope that next year will be a turning point in my life - preferably for the better 🤞
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@PixysJourney@Tim_McTuffty@actuallyautistic Always happy to help sweetie, but , as Squirrel fans will know, I have the memory & attention span of a goldfish , so stuff comes to me as it will & sometimes its not at the best time 🤦♂️ . But hey it adds that little bit more excitement to the game I think 😂
Thank you so much for your advice & understanding with regards to my ASD journey, it is a strange path & sometimes I do need lots of help !
TL:DR My time management sucks ! ; I knew the positive streak was too good to last ! ;I’m totally focused . . “oh look , squirrel!’
Busy day today.
Up at the usual time, but mixed chatting with my bestie with a little NMS to try & get the Expedition moved fwd.
I’d like to say that I jumped to the whole ASD stuff after breakfast, but I’m back to being well enough for the game addiction to be present so lost another hour to that 🙄🤦♂️
I spent the morning fighting with the scanner to persuade it to scan the ASD Informant reports in & then collate them into the right order , came close to just chucking the thing out the window !
Spent a couple or 3 hours this afternoon playing NMS co-op , enjoyed it enormously , although did feel guilty that I had failed on concentrating on the ASD stuff left to do!
Late afternoon into this evening was spent summarising up my educational & employment history, boy have I done a lot of stuff ! I could have done without being reminded that 2012 was the last year I was able to work due to a massive MH breakdown.
A call with the elder of my sisters was a nice way to end the day.
Final Thoughts:
I rediscovered why I don’t work anymore, having fought with a mix of the technology , my stubbornness to cough up to renew our MS 365 sub. & reminders going off left right & centre for stuff I had put on a back burner for today , I was thoroughly frustrated with everything by the time my Sister rang this evening, to the point where the cats & Mrs Squirrel had vacated the immediate vicinity and various pieces of tech were in severe danger of being lobbed across the room!
I don’t do defeat, I do however work on the basis of a deadline to force me to do stuff, which then leads to frustration if stuff goes wrong!
To thoroughly misquote Yoda ,“Frustration leads to anger , anger leads to hate , hate leads to the dark side ! “
Tomorrow morning will absolutely have to be dedicated to finishing this flipping ASD Self assessment report !
I can prevaricate for England it seems !
Thanks to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you ! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖
@Susan60@CynAq@actuallyautistic@theautisticcoach Sadly a familiar and recurrent situation in ND folk of certain ages… But huge props for learning & readjusting when you became a mum. I’m not a mum - circumstances - but learned later when working with/for others got overwhelming. The cabin crew oxygen mask message is very relevant! 😉
It wasn’t easy. Looking back, I really think that my AuADHD provided as many strengths as difficulties, but I’m very aware that’s not the case for everyone.
Then a friend told me he thought maybe I had watched my mother tie my shoes too closely and mimicked her too exactly, so actually I learned to tie them upside down. Because of course my mother was facing me (inward) when she tied them, and I am facing the other direction (outward) when I tie them.
Since then, I have tied them “upside down” to my perspective, and it works! They stay tied. It feels wrong but it works.
I was well into adulthood when I finally figured out why no bath towel ever seems absorbent enough.
I'm #ActuallyAutistic; so, any moisturev at all on my skin greatly bothers me.
Skin soaks up water like a sponge. Even if you remove all the surface moisture, some water absorbed by the skin still makes its way back out to the surface.
@JeremyMallin@actuallyautistic I have a towelling bathrobe made of non plushie towe fabric. I put it on after the shower and it dries me excellently without the need for rubbing. All I really need to run is my shins and feet and I'm done. It also solves my problem of being cold when I dry myself with other types of towel
I feel like I'm really getting into autistic spaces in the past couple of months. It feels very different from the past couple of years, not to say the rest of my life.
Being able to express my feelings without constantly being told they're invalid is a completely new concept for me. Relating to people and them relating to me.
Not sure what to make of it rn but I kinda like it. I don't fully trust it yet but I try to.
@CynAq@haui@actuallyautistic ...because 'no algorithms', probably. I find what I like rather than some algorithm telling me what I should watch/listen to/etc. It mostly works.
@bytebro@CynAq@actuallyautistic the algorithms absolutely have negative, abrasive and divisive influence because that drives engagement for the price of insanity. Its disgusting if you think about it.
Despite that, I‘m pretty sure its „autistic only“ places that make the real difference. Because IRL its the same for me and many people I talked to.
This suggests to me that we need homogenous environment from time to time (shocker I know).
My circumstances don’t require me to mask anything these days but I’m having a hard time acknowledging that the lack of energy and motivation I’m experiencing is due to autistic burnout.
@theautisticcoach@actuallyautistic not only is it possible, I think it's impossible not to. Asking for the help I need so frequently results in being shamed, that it's almost a reflex to hide the burnout.