Shouting at children can be as damaging as physical or sexual abuse, study says

Parents who shout at their children or call them “stupid” are leaving their offspring at greater risk of self-harm, drug use and ending up in jail, new research claims.

Talking harshly to children should be recognised as a form of abuse because of the huge damage it does, experts say.

The authors of a new study into such behaviour say “adult-to-child perpetration of verbal abuse … is characterised by shouting, yelling, denigrating the child, and verbal threats”.

“These types of adult actions can be as damaging to a child’s development as other currently recognised and forensically established subtypes of mistreatment such as childhood physical and sexual abuse,” the academics say in their paper in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect.

mojo,

This is horrible to do, but I feel like this really downplays physical/sexual abuse.

Gloomy,
@Gloomy@mander.xyz avatar

How so? If the result is similar they are just different roots to the same outcome.

The main difference is that the resilience, or the ability of a child to cope with the abuse, may vary greatly between physical abuse, sexual abuse and psychological abuse (like what the article is talking about). So a single sexual abuse is much more likley to cause Trauma, then beeing yelled at once. But beeing yelled at for years? Beeing told that you are wortheles repeatedly? That is likley to cause a lot of harm, especially because it plants a sense of “not beeing good enoth” in you that can take a lot of work to overcome once grown up.

There is no need to rank diffent kinds of abuse against each other. We need to see them as equaly harmful for children and not trivialice them.

MaxVoltage,

frankly if my dad was in my life the whole time growing up saying those horrible things

i wouldnt of thought i was capable of being a rocket engineer and fuck myself

LillyPip,

It doesn’t, really. I experienced psychological and sexual abuse as a child (but not physical). Both were equally bad. I had a good friend who got physical and emotional abuse, but not sexual. She said she preferred being hit by her father over the psychological shit she got from her mother, because it didn’t last as long or hurt as much.

All three are equally bad in the long term.

Gaspar,
@Gaspar@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

My dad loves to yell. Not at me, anymore, but he got it from his mother - they used to work out their problems in the form of screaming matches. I remember early in my teenage years he would bring up, almost out of nowhere sometimes, that he never hit us. He was proud of that. But man oh man, he sure loved to yell at us.

I only remember my grandfather yelling at me, once. It’s not even fair to say “yelling AT me”, because he was yelling FOR me - I was a dumb kid and I’d left the front door open to go outside and play. Once I got in front of him, he explained to me - calmly, quietly, but firmly - why I couldn’t do that. I never did it again. I don’t remember him yelling before or since that moment.

I miss my grandfather - he’s the source of some of my fondest childhood memories and I can only hope I do him proud. Meanwhile, when my dad dies, I’ll be glad to be rid of him. So, you do the math.

fosforus,

I miss my grandfather - he’s the source of some of my fondest childhood memories and I can only hope I do him proud. Meanwhile, when my dad dies, I’ll be glad to be rid of him. So, you do the math.

The math might be either that your grandfather was simply a better person, or that he had less stress at the time when he was bringing you up. He’s after all the one who brought up your father.

blazeknave,

Yeah… being a parent and still just being a human makes you consider the circumstances.

Kolanaki,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

No wonder I’m so fucked up.

marker2002,

I want a big colorful name! How you do dat!?!

Kolanaki,
@Kolanaki@yiffit.net avatar

Unicode and emojis in the “display name” field.

FlyingSquid,
@FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

Nothing personal against you, it’s certainly my failing, but when I see a username like yours, my mind just goes “stuff” and thinks of you that way.

lustyargonian,

One benefit of shouting at your kids and generally dismissing their emotions is that you can enjoy your retirement without them anywhere near you and die alone.

aceshigh,
@aceshigh@lemmy.world avatar

and you won’t understand how your action created the circumstance you’re in and you’ll complain to everyone about it.

burrito,

I see you’ve spoken to my in-laws.

blazeknave,

Hi mom!

RaivoKulli,

Well that’s one way to get them to move out on their own I guess

1D10,

Not just yelling at kids, just being in a house where people are verbally abusive can fuck a person up, if my parents were not yelling at each other they were yelling at one of us kids. to the day 30 some odd years later just being around someone who is pissed off triggers my anxiety.

Strawberry,

i really feel that about being around someone who is pissed off. i also get little adrenaline rushes whenever anyone shuts a door forcefully

SpiderShoeCult,

I also get adrenaline rushes and instinctively angry when loud noises that can be avoided, happen.

I have also developed (without going for it) some very good stealth skills and I am not an especially tiny person.

I also grew up with a fairly short temper, though I wonder if it’s genetics or the upbringing. Learned over time I can control it, but the berserker rage is still there.

nandeEbisu,

Any yelling beyond “don’t do that thing that is imminently dangerous” can often just be parents taking out their stress on their kid. That’s kind of how it felt whenever my dad yelled at me. It was never something that seemed sensible to yell about.

aceshigh,
@aceshigh@lemmy.world avatar

ragers

lightnsfw,

Just last night i went out to help my dad change a flat and it brought up so much shit from him yelling at me over everything when I was a kid. That was 30 years ago and he wasn’t even yelling at me this time just pissed off at the situation.

This crap definitely sticks with you.

diocan,

deleted_by_moderator

    •
    newthrowaway20,

    My first girlfriend in highschool had severe anxiety and was so incredibly quiet and shy. It was so tough cuz she was a genuinely sweet and caring person once she opened up to you. I was extremely surprised to learn her family was nothing like that when I met them. Until I met her dad, and he kept calling her an idiot, and stupid, and useless. Then I understood why she never wanted to say anything. Every time she opened her mouth she was criticized by her dad. This attitude towards your own kids is insanely damaging.

    treefrog,

    My anxiety also came from living with an abusive father. It sucks always second guessing yourself and never feeling safe and secure because your baseline is abuse.

    EMDR helped me. I hope your ex found or finds some healing.

    JoMiran, (edited )
    @JoMiran@lemmy.ml avatar

    Honestly, I think that type of abuse is the worst because it cuts way deeper and leaves a permanent mark. I was yelled at (a lot), physically abused, and sexually abused, but I was always encouraged and supported. (Weird, I know. No, I’m not getting into it.). Because of the verbal support I received from my mother I was confident enough to stand up to my sexual and physical abusers even though she had not been able to as a child. I was also strong enough to break away from them and take on life solo after completely cutting them all off from my life (my mother had already passed away).

    If you believe in yourself, you can fight. If you don’t, you might just sit there and take it. Psychological abuse is the cruelest and most damaging.

    li10,

    It’s very difficult to notice that it’s happening to you sometimes.

    It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I noticed every single thing I say my mother seems to instantly try to take the opposite side and tell me I’m wrong, purely because it’s in her nature.

    That level of negativity combined with a hair trigger for screaming, and she wonders why I don’t talk to her about absolutely anything 🤷‍♂️

    aceshigh,
    @aceshigh@lemmy.world avatar

    frog in a boiling pot.

    phx,

    Yeah, I think an important thing parents need to do (apart from tearing down their kids for no reason) is differentiate DOING something dumb versus BEING dumb.

    A comment my dad made long ago when I was young kinda stuck with me “For a kid who’s really smart you sure do some really dumb shit sometimes”

    I’ve tried to phrase things like that to my kids, not “you dumbass why did you do that?” but more along “you’re smart enough to know you shouldn’t do that, so why did you?”

    Default_Defect,
    @Default_Defect@midwest.social avatar

    I don’t have a better solution, but “you’re smart enough to know you shouldn’t do that, so why did you?” feels a lot like the “you’re smart but you don’t apply yourself” I got a lot as a kid that always made me feel inadequate.

    I fucked up sometimes, I didn’t do it on purpose and asking me why I did it as if I consciously made a decision to be wrong on purpose and wanting an explanation is basically asking me to either lie or say “i don’t know” which was never the “right answer.”

    phx,

    More about analysing the thinking that led to the situation. In most cases it’s things that they know or were told not to do but guy caught up in the moment

    Sodis,

    Or you could use positive reinforcement instead of belittling your kids. You can explain, why stuff they did was wrong without calling them dumb. They are kids after all, they don’t know stuff, have a lot to learn and it is hard for them to completely grasp the consequences of their actions.

    phx,

    And this is belittling then, how?

    Dkarma,

    He didn’t call them dumb he called their actions dumb. Wow u missed the entire point of his post.

    Sodis,

    Just read the other comment strain, where people argue, that exactly this parenting fucked them up. Positive reinforcement is the go to parenting style.

    nezrock,

    The study says 25% of all children suffer sexual abuse? Surely that can’t be right.

    treefrog, (edited )

    Every woman I’ve dated was sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. Most of them in childhood.

    Which puts my anecdotal accounting at close to 80%. With myself and the girlfriend raped as an adult the two outliers.

    user224,
    @user224@lemmy.sdf.org avatar

    what the fuck

    treefrog,

    And just about every single one was a family member. My ex-wife it was the neighbor kid. But outside of that all immediate family or in one instance, a cousin.

    Empricorn,

    Half of all women, my dude. Statistics don’t lie (though even that is probably under-reported)…

    fosforus,

    Every woman I’ve dated was sexually assaulted at some point in their lives.

    There’s an interpretation here that doesn’t sound very good for you.

    treefrog,

    People can interpret it how they want and I was aware people would read into it. People read into everything though.

    My interpretation is that growing up in an abusive environment I resonated with other damaged people and that me identifying with protecting my mom from my abusive dad rather than trying to be like my dad, helped other damaged people feel safe around me (generally, when I wasn’t having a meltdown from my own trauma anyway).

    And since my first girlfriend had nightmares from her abuse I learned young to be supportive of people with sexual trauma.

    BolexForSoup,
    @BolexForSoup@kbin.social avatar

    Go look up “1 in 4.” It’s related to women specifically but it’s truly eye opening to how prevalent sexual assault is.

    Hillock,

    Child sexual abuse is more than just rape by an adult. But many people only consider this form of sexual abuse and that's why they think the number is high.

    But child sexual abuse also includes fondling, exhibition, kissing, forced nudity, etc. Basically anything that leads to sexual gratification. And it also includes if these things are done by older children. I think if the age difference is greater than 2 years it's considered csa even if it was done with "consent" aka it's assumed the power/authority difference doesn't allow for consent to exist. Which seems like a fair assessment.

    If you take all of that into consideration, the number is totally plausible.

    KneeTitts,
    @KneeTitts@lemmy.world avatar

    Ya I doubt that one too… if it was 25% there would be a lot more people in prison.

    maporita,

    The majority of sexual abuse is by people known to the victim and much of it goes unreported.

    ZombieTheZombieCat,

    There’s this short series on Netflix called Unbelievable. I recommend every single person watch it, but especially anyone who wants / needs to know exactly what it’s like to try to report sexual abuse to the police. It’s dramatized but it’s based on a true story of an 18 year old girl who was sexually assaulted by someone who broke into her apartment in the middle of the night. From the minute she reported it she was treated like a criminal. She was interrogated by cops who criticized her from the second they sat down. She ended up being charged and convicted of making false police reports. She was in some kind of group home at the time. She got in trouble, lost her friends, home, supports, and job. Several years later, the suspect assaulted another woman and was finally caught. I can’t imagine the relief and vindication she must have felt. Except that the cops literally allowed the suspect to assault at least one more person before doing anything about it. It’s a good thing it happened in another state because if it had happened in the same place they probably would have just arrested the second victim too.

    But the depiction in the show is true to life. It’s for everyone who has ever said “well if it actually happened then why didn’t they just call the cops?”

    Default_Defect,
    @Default_Defect@midwest.social avatar

    tell that to all the unprocessed rape kits laying around in evidence

    psycho_driver,

    The amount of girls who are sexually abused is astounding. Honestly haven gotten my daughters to 12 and almost 14 without ever having had to experience this (unless they’ve misled us which I do not believe they would) is among my most proud accomplishments as a parent.

    books,

    Like I’ve definitely raised my voice with my kids but couldn’t imagine a world where I ever would call them stupid. That is just trash parenting and amazing that anyone would do that to their offspring.

    sylver_dragon,

    Ya, I think the study is mostly aimed at the negativity and denigration of the child. While I almost never raise my voice and would absolutely never call my children “stupid”, there are times where a raised voice helps break though to the child. It’s also good when you leave such a raised voice for imminent situations. For example, kid starts reaching for something dangerous, a shout will stop them cold, especially when they aren’t used to dad shouting.

    Drivebyhaiku,

    Oooh yeah. My parents gently raised me and a shout from one of them was immediately understood not as them being angry but them being scared. By contrast we had some friends who were just incessantly yelled at in anger all the time. The difference was stark in how willing to accept advice, correction and trust in the experience of adults was. When you are essentially just told to obey and then yelled at you don’t really grasp the underlying principles that advantage you later because at any point that anger could just be you hitting a parent’s pet peeve. It’s also really hard to respect someone who doesn’t respect you back.

    We grew up pretty damn straightlaced. By contrast our yelled at peers ended up by and large going completely off the rails once nobody was in a position to force them to obey and about half of them went really far astray.

    FlyingSquid,
    @FlyingSquid@lemmy.world avatar

    I think it’s more yelling as habitual, not yelling when it’s sometimes necessary. No one is saying not to yell at your child to stop them from putting their hand on a stove. It’s yelling at them when they leave their legos out that is the problem.

    KneeTitts,
    @KneeTitts@lemmy.world avatar

    I think it also depends highly on the circumstances, if your child did something very very bad (hit bother with a hammer say) then youd actually be derelict in your duties as a parent not to yell at them (and ground them, etc) in that situation. Going too soft on them when they really go off the rails can be just as bad or worse than being too hard on them.

    Zink,

    Yep. If you are calm and reasonable most of the time, then yelling actually remains an effective tool rather than desensitizing the child to it and/or causing them the damage this post is about.

    In my house, I’m pretty chill but we have no problem being loud when playing or joking. We have a bunch of pets too, so it can be chaotic. But when my serious big voice comes out, everything freezes and gets figured out pretty quickly. Usually. Lol.

    crypticthree,

    Although I don’t think verbal abuse is acceptable, I think that equivalency is a bit much

    wokehobbit,

    This is a generation of soft pussies. Triggered little bitches who can’t live in the real world.

    ZagamTheVile,

    Lol. Calm down snowflake. No reason to get offended. You have some big feelings about this but you don’t have to be a wuss about it. You can sack up and face them.

    Redcedar,

    How much you wanna bet their parents say the same type of “this generation” things to them?

    ZagamTheVile,

    Or that they get called a pussy by their dad?

    treefrog,

    Whose triggered here? It seems like you’re the one getting emotional.

    If you went through the same type of shit as me growing up, get help. It’s much better not feeling angry 24/7.

    Jaysyn,
    @Jaysyn@kbin.social avatar

    Triggered little bitches who can’t live in the real world.

    Says the guy crying about a scientific study online.

    HeartyBeast,
    @HeartyBeast@kbin.social avatar

    Sounds like you need a hug

    JustZ,

    Found the absolute loser. Guaranteed to be a present or future old single white guy bitching about how the divorce court judge screwed him.

    _number8_,

    why does the real world have to be hard? because you say so and refuse to adapt to gentler standards??

    lightnsfw,

    If you’re not able to control your emotions well enough to be kind you’re the soft one.

    KneeTitts, (edited )
    @KneeTitts@lemmy.world avatar

    This is a generation of soft pussies. Triggered little bitches who can’t live in the real worl

    So… like trump supporters who cant handle the fact they lost an election you mean?

    Honytawk,

    Did the existence of soft pussies … trigger you?

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    this. things like this are starting to annoy me. lets me clear. sexual abuse is worse than physical abuse which is worse than verbal abuse. The first should never happen in the least. Grabbing your childs arm roughly and yelling at them when about to touch something hot is fine and expected. Yelling at them and telling them to behave when they hit their sibling is fine.

    aberrate_junior_beatnik, (edited )

    Grabbing your childs arm roughly and yelling at them when about to touch something hot is fine and expected.

    Is it really? Honestly I’d rather a child touch something hot and learn the lesson that it is unsafe than potentially learn the lesson the people charged with taking care of them are unsafe. I mean, I remember burning a finger on the stove when I was little. It sucked but I was and am fine. I was lightly verbally abused by my Dad exactly once (he apologized after), and it was much, much worse. I was verbally abused by teachers and peers, and it was much, much worse.

    [edit: I retract the sentence “Honestly I’d rather a child touch something hot and learn the lesson that it is unsafe than potentially learn the lesson the people charged with taking care of them are unsafe.” It was poorly thought through and poorly worded. To be clear, I do not condone intentionally allowing a child to touch a stove to teach them it is dangerous. I also do not think that the threat of a child touching a stove justifies physically and verbally abusing a child, as OP said.]

    ShakeThatYam,
    @ShakeThatYam@lemmy.world avatar

    Letting your child touch something hot (like a stove) to teach them a lesson is in itself physical abuse…

    iAmTheTot,
    @iAmTheTot@kbin.social avatar

    "things like this" being... Scientific studies?

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    using equivalency phrases on things that are very much not equivalent. Also scientific studies are great in the hard sciences but in the social sciences become very iffy. Doing some correlation on questionaires is not equivalent to measuring small changes in a large structure to measure gravitational effects.

    protist,

    Doing some correlation on questionaires is not equivalent to measuring small changes in a large structure to measure gravitational effects.

    Where did anyone say this? You’re trying to sound knowledgeable about science, but all you’re doing is making up strawmen to argue against over and over

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    its a reply to iamthetots comment about scientific studies. one thing that is frustrating with federation is sometimes folks don't see all the people or parts of a convo

    protist,

    I read that comment, that doesn’t change the fact that you’re creating strawman arguments

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    explain strawman argument and how my conversation fits into it because I do not believe my conversation has been one. Or not if you don't really believe its a strawman argument. Make some other comment if thats the case.

    protist, (edited )

    You’re completely misunderstanding everything written here. You created arguments that don’t exist in this article, and do not understand the definition of verbal or physical abuse, because the examples you give are not that

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    except that there is no hard line of where something moves into abuse. In the end my comment was that yes these are not equivalent. There is no level of sexual contact that is ok but there is a level of physicality and yelling that is ok as long as it is not type of constant thing. and physicality is way less ok than yelling and only should be used in rare, usually dangerous situations.

    protist, (edited )

    Ok, but again, you’re arguing against a strawman. Nothing you’re saying here is relevant to what I said about you misunderstanding the definitions of physical and verbal/emotional abuse as evidenced by you standing up and knocking down examples that are clearly not abuse

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    yeah but you are taking a whole conversation and not looking at my initial comment. you just don't get the jist of the whole and where it goes. you concentrate on the last thing said and take no context at all.

    protist,

    This is your initial comment and is explicitly what I’m talking about

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    So where is the effin straw man in that. The news item that references the study equates sexual, physical, and verbal abuse as equivalent and my comment is woa. They are so not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    protist,

    Grabbing your childs arm roughly and yelling at them when about to touch something hot is fine and expected. Yelling at them and telling them to behave when they hit their sibling is fine.

    There is no one saying these things aren’t fine. They give examples of verbal/emotional abuse in the article and study and they are not this. You are creating a strawman argument no one is saying (grabbing your childs arm when about to touch something hot is fine; yelling at them and telling them to behave when they hit their sibling is fine) and using that as a reason to dismiss the conclusions of this study

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    My argument is about equivalency. When they make the statement they are equivalent they are saying they are equivalent. My argument is not about abuse vs not abuse. Its about equivalency. There is no level of sexual situations with a child that is not abuse. there is with verbal and physical. Again you just are throwing out context and trying to make it something its not.

    protist,

    So your beef is with this:

    A key attribute of childhood emotional abuse is the underlying adult-to-child perpetration of verbal abuse, which is characterized by shouting, yelling, denigrating the child, and verbal threats. These types of adult actions can be as damaging to a child’s development as other currently recognized and forensically established subtypes of maltreatment such as childhood physical and sexual abuse.

    So you’re concluding that verbal/emotional abuse in no case can be as damaging to a child’s development as physical or sexual abuse?

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    Not as much as they can't be and should not be even put into the same class as actions. There is a level of vocality that is ok, there is a level of physicality that is ok, there is never a level of sexuality that is ok when talking adult to child interactions. I understand they are talking in the extreme in all cases but making these out to be the same, even if limiting to the extreme, is not ok.

    protist,

    This isn’t about the moral weight of one type of abuse over another, it’s only about the psychological impact of abuse on people who were abused as children. There is literally no one saying anything like “sexual abuse is the same as verbal abuse.” That is the strawman argument you created

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    except that when phrased that way it will in future. Your arguing in the context of this one little study and I am arguing from a moral position. I have seen it before and will see it again. This type of phrasing. Especially in the internet age of read headlines and not the details. Results in the strawman you speak of becoming reality. Equivalencies like this should never be made.

    protist,

    What are you even talking about… we’re literally talking about this study, you’re trying to critique it by saying verbal abuse isn’t as bad as physical or sexual abuse, meanwhile the study authors are measuring life outcomes and finding similarities between all of them. You started off trying to critique this as invalid science because it’s social science and now you’re here, saying your argument is based on morality. It’s ok to just say “I didn’t understand the study,” or “I didn’t read the study.” You don’t have to continue making stuff up based on your “gut.”

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    Man this is all over but lets see. I did not start off with social science critique. That came up in conversation. When a study or article is published into the public and on the internet it becomes more than an isolated thing. My comment chain started. From the begining. In talking about this is bad due to making equivalencies. Something that is a general comment and obviously had not been limited in scope the the study and nothing beyond. The article does not show the study and I don't care to read it or look into it further because again. The title. The equivalency suggested in it and the phrases used in the article. Should never be used.

    protist,

    The entire study is directly linked in the article! In the 3rd sentence!! You are literally forming all of these opinions based on the headline from the Guardian?! Lmfao

    Even then, the headline is explicitly talking about psychological damage to victims, not a moral judgement or “which abuse is worse.” Sheesh

    HubertManne,
    @HubertManne@kbin.social avatar

    I actually found the link now so thank you but yeah im not arguing the study you are. Im arguing the use of language and its impropriety no matter the study finding. Hey just so you know I still find the conversation cool (if frustrating I think for both of us as we are talking from different perspectives) but the federated system after so many comments the notifications no longer get you to the place the comment is at. I had to do this one by clicking your user and looking at your last comments (pro trick for anyone using kbin website). So its possible I may not respond after this. Anyway I think I understand your stance about being against my stance but again I think your not really groking whay my point is about. this is the type of thing where I wish we were shooting the shit in a room verbally to hash out what the position really is.

    GBU_28,

    I think there’s a missed distinction here.

    “Yelling” at your child to get them to stop something, or not step into traffic, or not eat pills is one thing. That’s certainly not verbal abuse.

    Shaming and berating your child for getting a C, telling them they are worthless, they are the reason Dad left, they are ugly is very different. This is clearly verbal abuse.

    It’s conceivable that the sustained verbal abuse as I defined it could absolutely harm a child in a long term way, and cumulatively have an impact similar to physical abuse.

    treefrog,

    Verbal abuse when I was growing up was backed up with the threat of physical abuse. And having been bit and hit by my dad, and seeing my mom and older brother hit by my dad, those verbal threats carried a lot of weight.

    I’ve walked on eggshells around my dad and every man that reminded me of him my whole life. It’s affected my relationships and made it impossible to hold down a job as most bosses have the same authoritarian streak my dad did.

    So yeah, verbal abuse is damaging. Rather it’s equivalent to other forms of abuse I can’t say. But it took me 44 years and a skilled emdr therapist to finally heal enough that I don’t feel overwhelmed whenever I get emotional.

    And for much of the last fifteen years I’ve been trying to find a therapist that took my trauma seriously and knew how to help me with it. So many misdiagnosis (anxiety, substance use, and depression were symptoms, but not the diagnosis that helped). Many suicide attempts. Many psych meds that didn’t help. Many many years feeling unheard by the medical establishment.

    So yeah, it’s damaging.

    JustZ, (edited )

    Why?

    I will say, verbal abuse is harder to pinpoint.

    In some ways, it’s easier to have a source of trauma to point to and say “that’s the cause,” so you can address and treat it.

    I was verbally abused. My inner dialogue was one of critisism, guilt and shame, that I didn’t realize until well into adulthood. I thought that was how everyone talked to themselves.

    If I had been physically abused, I would have known about it. Much less insidious to the mind.

    E: Was also just thinking about triggers. If you were a victim of physical trauma, your triggers might be very obvious. With verbal trauma, for me anyway, they were much less obvious. To think back, I went years and years having fight or flight reactions for no obvious reason, often manifested as anxiety or poor impulse control, wasted so many days just feeling anxious instead of working on myself. One trigger for me is loud voices. Had no idea until well into adulthood things started making sense. Damn near had a panic attack one day when a chef started yelling at the line cooks while I was waiting for my order.

    aceshigh,
    @aceshigh@lemmy.world avatar

    absolutely. verbal abuse doesn’t leave anything physical behind, which makes it much harder to pinpoint the cause and effect. so you might be feeling depressed and anxious but not understand why because dissociative amnesia become your normal response to verbal abuse.

    n2burns,

    You miss-read (or didn’t read) the article if that’s your take-away. It’s saying the long-term effects can be roughly the same. It’s not equivocating the actions themselves.

    Nima,
    @Nima@lemmy.world avatar

    the title is purposely misleading is what I think they meant.

    n2burns,

    Then I disagree with that assessment. “can be as damaging” speaks to the effects of the act, not its inherent heinousness.

    Nima,
    @Nima@lemmy.world avatar

    I’m saying it’s a sensationalized headline. it’s meant to draw you in with a wild statement to make you angry and then the article is something completely different.

    n2burns,

    And I’m saying that’s wrong. The title accurately describes the article.

    Nima,
    @Nima@lemmy.world avatar

    ok

    BreakDecks,

    They’re not equivocating the malice of verbal abuse vs. sexual abuse. They are equivocating the damage this kind of abuse can do to children, which their research supports. There’s no reason to take offense as if they were taking a stand on the non-severity child sexual abuse, which they are not.

    RaivoKulli,

    I guess I’m surprised sexual abuse doesn’t do more damage

    Empricorn,

    While what you and I feel doesn’t matter much, we truly need a scientific study of this. Oh, wait! That’s what this was. Please defer to objective consensus…

    crowlemo,

    Lol. Fuck off. Objective consensus? Are you part of team “trust the science” thinking every fucking study is well done or non biased?

    Sodis,

    How about you take the study at hand and point out, where it is not well done?

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