Does Anyone Have a TIFU Moment When Cooking?

I was finishing a jar of extremely hot peppers (7 pot primos) that I had fermenting on Thanksgiving day. I made a hot sauce with them and cantaloupe. I had them in a pan at a low simmer to meld the flavors. The problem was the steam coming off was potent as hell. It filled the house when everyone was arriving and coughing from the hot sauce in the air, me included. We had to open all the windows, dig out the fans to get it out of the house, freezing everyone in the process.

jcarax,

I forgot to turn off the stove with some pork and sauerkraut on low heat, and went out drinking. Many hours later I came back to a smoke filled house, with a pot filled with solid charcoal that ended up in the trash because I just couldn’t get it clean enough. I had to trash a couple things in the cabinets above the stove, because I couldn’t get the smoke taste out.

More recently, I preheated a pan too much to sear a steak. I always wondered what kind of idiot starts a grease fire, now I know. The avocado oil took about 5 seconds to ignite, and it ended up destroying a splatter screen I’d set on the pan from the rapid temperature change. Luckily I remembered to cover the fire to put it out.

Knusper,

I was making tomato sauce and put in about half a tube of tomato paste. Went to taste it and could barely eat it, because it was so spicy. Turns out, tomato paste with chili is a thing…

azerial,

I was prepping onions for a dice at work and somehow managed to cut off the root end of all my onions without noticing. I think i was about 3-4 in before i noticed. Lol i dumb. I had to restart I was obviously not paying attention. (I like to peel all i need then go back and dice em all up)

Eryn6844,

added too much salt to my food? does that count and made entire meals inedible.

jarfil, (edited )

If only one…

I was going to make fries 🍟, put a couple liters of oil in a wok-like frier 🍲 on the stove ♨️… and a short phone 📞 call later, came running into a cloud of oil smoke 💨 filling the kitchen, and flames 🔥 bursting just as I quickly slammed a lid on it. Take lid off, flames burst 🔥, put lid on, only smoke 💨. PHEW!.. but I wanted fries! So… DISCLAIMER: do not do this!!… got a cinder block, put it in the middle of the kitchen, and veeeeery carefully, with the lid on, took the whole thing with the oil at flaming point, off the stove, onto the cinder block… took the lid off, flames burst 🔥, put the lid on 💨… but I still wanted fries! So… DISCLAIMER: seriously, NEVER do this!!… I took a jug🏺, filled it with water 🌊, and very carefully, started pouring it onto the cinder block under the thing full of flaming oil. A few jugs later, and a lot a steam, and a wet floor, and an incredible amount of luck 🍀 later… took the lid off… finally no fire! So… DISCLAIMER: y’know the drill… veeeeery carefully, I took it off the cinder block and back onto the stove… waited a while for it to stop smoking, poured the fries in… and some minutes later, had freshly made fries!🍟 And a kitchen floor to mop up.

9/10, tasty, with a slight risk of a horrible death and burning the whole house down.

Then, this other time… I was feeling hungry, so decided to make a bowl of pasta 🍝, with some sour cheese 🧀, with scrambled eggs 🍳, with some strawberries 🍓, and some sugar to top it off… only instead of sugar 🍶, I picked the flour 🍶 jug (white is white, right?.. right?)… several minutes of blowing flour off the bowl into the sink later… I said “f it”… added some actual sugar, mixed everything thoroughly, and ate it like that.

8/10, was hungry, raw flour tasted bad, but mixed up together it got kind of masked.

Another time, decided to make pasta, so put a large pot of water on the stove… but was really tired, so set an alarm for 10 minutes, about when it should get boiling (this was on a gas stove without a timer), and went to take a quick nap… something like half an hour later, woke up to a nasty smell coming from the kitchen, ran into it, and of course all the water had boiled off, the pot was getting burned ♨️… and I just overheard a cop 👮 on the balcony in the apartament next door, saying “yes, send the firefighters 👨‍🚒 to…” which is when I jumped out crying "no need!! everything under control!!"😳. They still wanted to see what happened, so had to let them in, show the burned pot… they looked at me with commiseration, “yeah, I know…” I said. Thanked the neighbor for calling for help and excused myself, she still looked pissed. Oh well.

1/10, got no lunch that day, barely got on time for work, but the house still didn’t burn down, and firefighters didn’t have to break in, so that’s something.

And once, I was going to make coffee, fished out a jar from the back of the cupboard, no expiry date, opened it to take a whiff… and just that moment my mom comes into the kitchen, bumps into me, and I get a full snort of coffee. It wasn’t stale. I kept smelling it for a day or two…

4/10, coffee is fine, but everything smelling like coffee, from salad, to cheese, to orange juice, is a bit much.

Magnetar,

Please, for the love of god, cut back on your Emoji usage, my eyes are bleeding.

CleoTheWizard,

Your eyes are bleeding over descriptive pictures in a personal story. What’s people weird obsession with not using emojis? This isn’t a college essay

AmosBurton_ThatGuy,

If I see a bunch of emojis I just assume it’s another lame copy pasta and scroll right by

Riven,
@Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

I have no issue with emojis but it was a bit jarring trying to read this. It was fine after like a paragraph. At that point my mind just started to skip over the emojis.

that_one_guy,

An emoji or two are fine, but this abomination straight up reduces readability of the stories. Honestly makes me think it’s made up by a 10 year old.

grimaferve,

Oh yes. Salt and Pepper chicken without the window open. Once and only once. Soon as the spice went in, I realised my mistake. The kitchen was unbearable for the whole night.

treadful,
@treadful@lemmy.zip avatar

Was making an alfredo a few weeks ago. Wanted it really cheesy. I’m there with my thing of cream and my shredded parm. Got greedy and added way more parm than I had cream to counteract. When it cooled it was basically rubberized.

cabbagee,

I just had the same experience. Gotta tell you, parm mac and cheese is not good. Ended up adding a whole extra bag of noodles and tomato sauce for sweetness and acidity. It’s edible now but I went overboard cause I can’t even taste the parm.

Burnt,

I’ve been experimenting with different cheeses in my stovetop mac and to be honest, America/cheddar is still the best combo I’ve found. Was disappointed when a batch of smoked Gouda was still good, but not as good as the sauce made from “milk-product” slices and any old block of mild cheddar.

cabbagee,

I’m sure parm would be good in breadcrumbs on top or a little in the sauce but this was a mistake sauce that was just parm and cream. Live and learn.

For mac and cheese, have you tried hot sauce? Just a little makes the cheese pop. It’s like coffee and chocolate.

Drusas,

I made a ton of jalapeno poppers using spicier than usual jalapenos without gloves. My hands were in excruciating pain for hours.

On a related note, I learned that the most effective treatment for this is lime juice. Not milk.

BearJCC,

For some reason I have a hard time with which knob goes to which burner on a range. Couldn’t tell you why. Got home from a 12 hour shift at work and my wife, who didn’t work that day, told me she expected me to make dinner. I go into the kitchen and it is a much bigger mess then how I left it the night before. So with my last bit of mental capacity I put things away enough so I can cook. But apparently there were some plastic lids under a glass lid on the back of the stove. Started a pot of water and went to the other side of the kitchen to chop some veg. The kitchen started to smell weird, and I’m looking around trying to figure what it is, and figure out I had turned on the wrong burner. Picked up the glass lid and my lungs were assaulted with plastic fumes. I’m coughing and hacking and wheezing and almost passing out on the floor. It was so hard for me to breath I felt like I was dying. This brings my wife in and she steps over my body and finishes making dinner. Serves herself some, and takes it into the bedroom just as I’m barely able to stand again. That’s when I realized, I had fucked up. Shouldn’t have married her. Been divorced 2 years today.

stalfoss,

Congrats on getting out, just passed 3 years for me

plactagonic,

Remembered another one.

Friend ask me and another friend, we cook on summer camp together, to cook lunch on his wedding.

He wanted form us to cook meal A we tell him that we didn’t cook it so it will be shtshow, but we could cook meal B, C or D. This didn’t work so we cooked meal A and it was shtshow.

It all started with “fully equipped professional kitchen” whitch wasn’t equipped at all (we were prepared for this). Than few other things go wrong. But the TIFU moment was soup - some miscommunication and bad decisions led to adding the noodles in it too early so you can imagine the porridge it become.

I had a blast afterwards, and too much beer to forget this experience.

My friend then said that it was exactly as he imagined it to be, because his now wife didn’t want another meal.

Anomalocarididae,
@Anomalocarididae@pawb.social avatar

Was reheating pizza in a pan when I was 12. Touched the metal bit connecting the pan to the handle on accident. Had a nasty blister on my hand for a while.

keeb420,

A buddy was having a BBQ and I got grill duty. One of the people there was a vegan and I, being dumb, used the same utensils for vegan and nonvegan foods. Looking back it was getting contaminated being on the same grill with nonvegan foods anyway. But I didn't fight it.

treadful,
@treadful@lemmy.zip avatar

Veganism isn’t a food allergy. Wouldn’t expect people to have much of an issue with that. Not that I grill with a lot of vegans.

averyminya,

I think it’s more about the cross contamination no?

idiomaddict,

I’m a relatively recent vegan, but a lifelong vegetarian. If you share dairy or chicken utensils, I’ll be fine. If my food gets contaminated by pork or lamb (possibly others, I don’t intentionally try them), I will shit my pants. I’m sure there is a tolerable limit, but it’s lower than sharing utensils. It’s also less than sharing a pan, but I’m not sure about a grill, because you can clean a grill relatively easily by just letting the heat flare up.

I_am_10_squirrels,

Yeah, although vegetarian / vegan is a choice, it can definitely become a food allergy because we stop making the enzymes to digest certain proteins if we don’t eat them.

I still eat food from conventional restaurants, like veggie burgers and stuff, so maybe I get enough exposure that it’s not an issue for me (yet)

treadful,
@treadful@lemmy.zip avatar

Yeah, although vegetarian / vegan is a choice, it can definitely become a food allergy because we stop making the enzymes to digest certain proteins if we don’t eat them.

Is that actually true? I don’t think that’s even the case with lactose. You’re either born with the gene or not.

idiomaddict,

Most people eventually lose some degree of their ability to digest milk, because adults don’t rely on it as much. If you’re worried, a full serving of dairy a couple of times a month is more than enough for most people to keep up their digestive ability.

I’m not sure if I lost the ability to digest fatty meats or never had it, because I’ve never intentionally eaten pork, and was 26 the first time I ate lamb. My doctors have advised me not to try eating red meat, as it would be too hard for my body to digest it now. That could be an old wives tale, but it’s good enough for me

Knusper,

To many vegans/vegetarians, it’s just genuinely repulsive. Either they adopted the diet, because they found meat gross from the start.
Or, for many folks, even if they started from purely a moral conviction, it still becomes repulsive over time. You just don’t really think about whether you find something gross or not, when you eat it regularly, grew up with it etc… Taking that step back, allows you to re-evaluate.

treadful,
@treadful@lemmy.zip avatar

Appreciate your response. Do you think when friends/family cook you food they should make the effort as if you did have a food allergy?

Knusper,

Well, me personally, yes. I’m much happier, if you just give me some salad and some noodles and I can throw together a makeshift noodle salad than if you expect me to eat a fancy vegan burger soaked in meat juice. But yeah, every vegan will have a different stance on that…

treadful,
@treadful@lemmy.zip avatar

Fair enough. I’ll keep it in mind.

shiveyarbles,

Yeah I was making fudge brownies for my son and I forgot the eggs… brownies looked like crap

AnonymousFish,

I was trying to make guacamole for lunch once. I decided I wanted a little bit of spice and dumped in some chili powder without looking at the bottle, but it turned out to be cinnamon. I ate the guace anyways with some toast because who what's to waste perfectly good avocado?

3/10, Would not recommend.

curiosityLynx,

3/10 would be my guess for that mix. Maybe 2.5/10.

hdgdlfiuebdtus,

You should have tried it with rice. I heard its like a 5/7.

Riven,
@Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com avatar

Ah a perfect score.

dax,

Sort of.

I was making a gigantic batch of mead. Like 5 gallons of it, boiling away merrily. I carefully prepared my glass carboy ahead of time and poured the must (aka: that-which-will-be-mead-after-yeast-farts-in-it) into my carboy. This was fine. All according to plan.

The bucket of ice and cold water I added to the sink to cool it down faster so that I could throw the pitched yeast into it… also according to plan.

What was not according to plan was a gunshot sound going off, shards of glass shooting through the air like a grenade, and honey water cascading out over the edge of my sink all over my floor.

I’ve never felt more broken.

Dr_Cog,
@Dr_Cog@mander.xyz avatar

I think your problem might have been the plan

dax,

it was the plan, the vetting of the plan, the sign off of the plan, the execution of the plan.

so I mean yeah, just like generally the plan. I haven’t made mead since, because it represents possibly the most monumental TIFU of my entire god damned life

averyminya,

Fun story though!

My roommate in college brewed alcohols for a class. We came home from class to the gunshot noises happening right as we were entering the room (before, during, and after). Didn’t realize exactly what was going on until we saw the liquid from the top shelves spilling on the ground haha

plactagonic,

Similar - I didn’t check valve on my brewery and get 10l of wort on me.

Also check out the [email protected] community.

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