[Serious] How can a person "rejection-proof" their life?

To extrapolate:

People often say that one should not worry about what others think of them, but life simply doesn’t work that way. What other people think of you really does matter; point-in-fact, it can be everything depending on what field you go into.

Like say, for example, you’re a business owner and you’re recorded arguing with an angry Karen of a customer, the video’s posted online, and the internet sides with the Karen. Then, people boycott your business and you’re left without a livelihood.

Or perhaps you say something crass and get cancelled. Or simply anger or inconvenience someone with a lot of influence.

Or, even more horrifyingly, say you were assaulted and you came forward, and were ostracized and shunned by your community as a result.

How could one set up their life such that it would be impossible for people like that to rob one of their livelihood? How could one make it impossible for others to shun or ostracize them?

How could a business owner set up their business so that other people couldn’t simply shut it down on a whim in such a manner?


EDIT: I’ll just “be myself” since that’s what the majority of people in the thread want and repeat what I said to another individual:

Honestly, the way everybody is acting is really, really shameful. I am a person who made a thread and gave it a [Serious] tag because I wanted serious, literal answers to a serious problem that, given my chosen career path, will affect me at some point in my life and could potentially ruin it without good info to prepare for such a crisis beforehand. But all I’m getting is denial, mockery, condescension, lies, put-downs.

And it’s rooted in this desire to either pretend the problem is not real because you’re all secretly afraid it’ll affect you yourselves, or it’s because you know it’s real but you view it as a positive because ostracization and shunning people is an emotional cudgel you wield to silence people you don’t agree with on the internet, and answering the question honestly would require framing such actions as a negative and that would make you question the morality of your actions. And that’s not only sick, that’s just cowardly. If you believe cancelling people is morally A-O good, then at least have the temerity to threaten me with a “Don’t speak your mind and mask up” response like at least a few people were honest enough to do.

But don’t insult my intelligence by thinking you can lie to my face and pretend that something I’ve been personally watching happen to other people for over a decade is not, in fact, happening.

Now I came here for a serious answer to a serious problem that affects everyone. If you can’t participate in good faith and offer meaningful strategies to avoid or fix such problems and want to either misconstrue it as an emotional issue – much as you’ll do with what I’m saying here after the majority of you demanded I just be myself and not worry about the consequences – or outright deny it’s a real problem when it’s been real for over a decade, just don’t participate in the thread. Just go elsewhere.


Okay, I just acted like myself. Everyone happy?

jkmooney,
@jkmooney@kbin.social avatar

You can't. Furthermore, the consequences of "people pleasing" and "conflict avoidance" can do far more damage than the occasional bad rep. In fact, if you're consistent about setting and enforcing reasonable boundaries, you'll ultimately gain more respect in the long run.

RovingFox,
@RovingFox@infosec.pub avatar

There is no rejection proof because nothing is guaranteed in life. To be able to 100% guarantee something means to be perfect at something. Nobody is perfect at anything, perfection is only associated with godhood because it is realistically unobtainable.

fiat_lux,

Have those examples even happened? I'm still not sure what cancellation involves and how long you need to be in that state before it counts as cancellation.

The internet told me Louis CK was cancelled, but he won a Grammy last year. Kevin Spacey has been cast in movies this year. JK Rowling is still publishing books.

darthfabulous42069, (edited )

It does, and it’s a possibility that terrifies me. A lot of the celebrities who are cancelled are cancelled for justifiable reasons, granted (especially scumbags like R. Kelly), but it can happen to ordinary people for unjustifiable reasons, too, meaning anyone who seeks to do anything in life has to live with a sword of Damocles hanging over their head. Meaningful relationships with others can’t be built if the dynamics of that relationship include the fact that that other person has untold, unchecked power over you and you have legitimate reason to be afraid of them, given that it’s a thing.

I want to own businesses in my life and even saying that has earned the ire of, by my count, at least one person in this thread. What’s to stop them from doxxing me and putting my personal information on blast all over the fediverse, or even old social media like Twitter, preventing me from ever being able to pursue my dreams simply because they don’t like capitalism? What’s to stop the right wing from doxxing me and sending me death threats if I gain a following and then speak out against them to that following, or boycotting my business because I put up a pride flag for Pride Month? How can community even be possible with the threat of something like that happening to you in existence?

blightbow, (edited )
@blightbow@kbin.social avatar

As others have already covered, everything we do comes with risk. Some people go through life without spending much thought on those risks, and if they're lucky they never have to deal with these things. Others let it weigh upon them heavily, and it's fairly evident that you fall into the latter camp.

You've caught on to the general theme though, which is that the more of yourself you put out there needlessly, the greater a possibility for negative things to happen as a result of that. I'm not going to ask you to wave a magic wand and become the type of person who doesn't worry about those things, so here are the best compromises:

  • Quality over quantity with your friends. Find some good people you can be yourself around, and don't stress over having fewer people that you hang out with than others. It's not a competition and it doesn't make you an inferior person.
  • Minimize how much you "put yourself out there". The internet wasn't around 25 years ago, and when it was young it was common sense to use an alias on the internet wherever possible. Use different nicknames on different websites to minimize the ability of casual bad actors to link your identities between different social forums. The possibility of database leaks doxxing the e-mail address you signed up with is still there, but thwarting the low effort attempts does a lot on its own. You can go through the effort of registering with different e-mail addresses as well, but there is a point of diminishing returns here and you need to decide where to draw the line for yourself.
  • Remove yourself from online discussions when it's healthy to do so. Assert your opinion, clarify your points if they need clarifying, and move on. Turn off notifications once you're past that point. Winning arguments on the internet is not realistically a thing that happens, and notifications on your mobile device from an argument will needlessly pull you back into a place of anxiety. Considering how little those mobile notifications contribute to your positive frame of mind, it's best to be rid of them completely if you ever find them having a negative impact on your day to day life.

Edit:

  • Put yourself out there when you feel strongly that it is important to do so. Some causes are worth weathering the consequences, and you shouldn't let a fear of consequences completely cripple you when you feel strongly enough about something. Will your friends have your back if you stick your foot into it? Then go for it.
SighBapanada,

What you think of others matters equally as much. Be a good person and be careful who you surround yourself with. Be descerning of different groups of people and their beliefs/values/culture. Being rejected by a group of bigots is a good thing, and you wouldn’t want to be embraced by them to begin with. There are countless historical examples of individuals led astray by group-think, so don’t be too concerned what multitudes think of you. It all depends on context, and wanting to be “rejection proof” might signal too much interest in one’s reputation, although I’m not accusing you of that.

blazera,
@blazera@kbin.social avatar

Silly, business owners dont argue with their customers, they dont work there.

darthfabulous42069,

🤔

barrage4u,

I think it’s less about “proofing” your life and instead embracing it. Seek it out. All good opportunities (your dream job, the girl you want) require you to take risks with a real chance of rejection. Get good at being rejected, even enjoy it, so that you can persevere and try and try again until you get what you want.

CurlyWurlies4All, (edited )
@CurlyWurlies4All@slrpnk.net avatar

Don’t be a business person who lives to exploit workers and fuck over the world.

Don’t be surprised when the moral code you live by that is founded entirely on the exploitation of others means the exploited need little reason to cheer on your downfall.

DogMuffins,

You just see the world this way because you’ve been exploited.

Plenty of small businesses treat their employees very well, or don’t even have them.

CurlyWurlies4All,
@CurlyWurlies4All@slrpnk.net avatar

Being treated nice ≠ not being exploited

DogMuffins,

I didn’t say being treated “nice”. I said treat their employees “very well” which of course does mean not exploiting them.

Tigwyk,
@Tigwyk@lemmy.vrchat-dev.tech avatar

How could one make it impossible for others to shun or ostracize them?

When you figure it out you can sell it to Elon Musk for billions.

livus,
@livus@kbin.social avatar

In a democratic society, there is no way to entirely "proof" yourself from consequences of your own antisocial actions like if you sexually assault people or something like that.

I think the answer to what you're really asking is

  • do not be in an industry where you are customer-facing or public-facing,
  • and do not seek a public platform.

That will shield you from arbitrary and exaggerated mob type/snowballing behaviour, such as the Justine Sacco incident (in which a woman lost her job over an ironic joke about AIDS which fell victim to Poe's Law).

Philo,

Perspective.

darthfabulous42069,

I don’t see how perspective can alter the reality of losing your job, your home, or even suffering threats or violence for the slightest misstep, which is how people live nowadays.

Philo,

Perspective meaning what is the actual percentage of business owners that are canceled out of their livelihood versus the percentage of those that aren’t.

darthfabulous42069,

Oh. 🤔 That is actually a very good question.

MemesAreTheory,
@MemesAreTheory@hexbear.net avatar

This just in: local business owner discovers the phenomenon of “data>vibes based risk management”

pinkdrunkenelephants,

This just in: local tankie fuck pulls Xi Jinping’s dick out of his mouth long enough to be dismissive and cruel towards OP who made a post asking what to do about people collectively being dismissive and cruel to them. More at 11

Blaze,
@Blaze@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

Do you have to resort to such language to make your point?

pinkdrunkenelephants,

Ohh, but we’re not supposed to allow ourselves to be affected by the words of others.

We’re supposed to just take it when others abuse and bully us, because it’s just human nature and a part of life we all have to accept.

That’s what you’re telling OP. Yet when you’re the one getting it, you complain.

Blaze,
@Blaze@discuss.tchncs.de avatar

I didn’t say anything to anyone, I’m seeing your comment from All. We might even agree on what you’re saying, but using this level of profanity seems to go against rule 3 of the instance about respect

pinkdrunkenelephants,

Oh, well lookie here, we found the tankie’s alt account

Guess OP really was right about how the stupid shit people say on the Internet actually does affect people after all. Doesn’t it? Sure as hell affects you.

infuziSporg,
@infuziSporg@hexbear.net avatar

What if we based our concerns off statistically significant realities? 🤔

jeebus,
@jeebus@kbin.social avatar

The Anton Ego perspective. I like it!

MF_COOM,

IDK these don’t really seem like realistic examples. The number of real people who do nothing wrong but lose their job or get ostracized from their community is vanishingly small.

I really don’t think you need to worry about this comrade. Just be a good person and live your life.

RotaryKeyboard,

Exactly. These things seem common because we see examples of them amplified on social media. Most of them are vanishingly rare.

livus,
@livus@kbin.social avatar

There are two components to risk: frequency and magnitude. Most people like to mitigate rare events that would be catastrophic if they happened.

For example, I don't go outside during a lightning storm, because even though being struck by lightning is quite rare, it has a high magnitude as it can kill or maim you.

For @darthfabulous42069 social shunning has a significant magnitude.

GarbageShoot,

The number of real people who do nothing wrong but lose their job or get ostracized from their community is vanishingly small.

idk, there are anti-BDS laws in some places that cause some people real problems.

AntiOutsideAktion,
@AntiOutsideAktion@hexbear.net avatar

yeah cancel culture is real and deadly on the left. No one’s burning evidence off of Ben Shapiro’s corpse in a car fire because he’s organizing boaters to protest teaching history to high schoolers

popcornmango,

A few examples would be Alan Turing, gays, trans, the majority of rape victims, the Jews

Curious_Canid,
@Curious_Canid@lemmy.ca avatar

In almost every case, the best defense against this is to be a genuinely good person. Treat everyone with kindness and you will get surprising amount of support.

Jtlkybncv,

I would also love an answer to this question. I have worried about this issue a lot. One of the only answers I have come up with is to have multiple skills. So that if people “side with a Karen” for example, you can hopefully transition into a different industry and leave the previous industry behind. Varied skills in multiple areas are the way I hope to avoid cancellation

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