How do you handle being upset about something online?
like either a dumbass posting stupid shit, unfair bans, idiotic arguments, etc etc. i feel so incredibly stupid letting it affect me at all, but then also there’s real feelings mixed in there because it’s a real argument i give a shit about to some degree. so it’s this odd double crossing where i know it’s stupid but i process it as being real.
bonus points for not answering ‘go outside drink water read a book’ etc etc
I don’t do anything. I’m the kind to completely forget about it minutes after I close whatever I was looking at. If it’s a stupid enough thing that made me angry enough, sometimes I’ll vent about it to my wife, and usually get the response of “Why do you care what a random person online you’ll never meet thinks?” but I’ve gotten that response enough for it to have really sunk in to the point where I really don’t care 99% of the time. I don’t really debate online anymore either for that reason. The most I might do is nudge somebody in the right direction if I suspect their opinion is simply based on a lack of information, but if that fails I tend to just delete my reply and move on so I’m not bothered by it again.
I start by not getting bothered by stupid shit said by people I don’t know and don’t care about. Only people that I know and respect have the capacity to hurt me in any way.
I like to lead such people on in bad faith. watching them go from thinking they are the ones in control of the conversation to realising they are being played is actually quite fun. Bonus points for the rabid PMs they might start sending towards the end. Just knowing you can rile someone up so much when they expected to control the narrative is great
I honestly don’t understand why people would ever use push notifications on platforms where they talk to strangers. I like to decide when I’m up for checking that inbox
It’s the default, unfortunately. Most if not all Android phones come with Google Service pre-installed and any app can use the notification before Android 13.
Usually after typing everything out and reading it back, I have cooled enough to think it’s mediocre at best and the other person doesn’t deserve so much of my time wasted anyway (which already happened of course, but they don’t need to know that 😅).
As you said, taking the time to write down your thoughts, read them back, proofread, etc, gives you time to cool off. When you’re calmer, you’re better able to engage your critical thinking skills, and that’s usually when you realise the person isn’t worth it or they may have a legitimate reason for thinking differently than you.
Sometimes I react adversely, but intentionally so, when I feel a point needs to be made. I had one person take it badly that I use dark mode and a particular screenshot I posted wasn’t suitable for people with vision impairment. I took that opportunity to point out that, rather than playing the victim, they could just ask nicely. On the internet, just about all disabilities are invisible.
It doesn’t happen often, but I do this for people in my life occasionally as well with online. I type out a whole response that I would want to say. Then I delete it without sharing it. It is often enough for me to realize it just doesn’t matter and it is better to move on.
if you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it, and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
It’s a good idea. You get to rehearse your response to something touchy that somebody might mention IRL at a dinner or campfire or whatever. It helps you evaluate your own understanding before saying something ignorant or too extreme that winds up negatively affecting a good friendship.
When I first started participating online I made the mistake of regurgitating IRL a lot of opinions and garbage I read in spaces I thought I agreed with, at least adjacently. When I noticed other people doing this in my cohort I got a serious case of the cringe and made an effort to be a little more real to myself.
Now various channels are other worlds to practice my thoughts before expressing them materially, before possibly causing discomfort to people I like. I’m thankful for online spaces taking the burrs off or otherwise letting the dough proof
This, along with keeping in perspective that troll farms exist and operate on social media because more interactions mean more usage, and more usage means more value to the platform because these numbers prove people are using it. So the trolls causing friction make the platform owners richer, the trolls try to go viral on bad takes (for clout or other direct financial gain by ‘influencing’), and this is how and why there seems to be so many people seeming to be ‘extreme’ (while some certainly are, others are emboldened and just follow their lead when it seems that there’s no negative consequence). End of the day, if someone’s trying to get your goat, don’t let them buy it with bullshit.
I don’t think it’s stupid to have a reaction to stuff that happens online, but the trick is to not get baited into investing even more into whatever it is if there is no likely resolution. It’s kind of vibes based, but sometimes you get someone who you can just tell is a bit unhinged and will never stop posting at you no matter how much they are embarrassing themselves. So I distance myself from whatever it is. Maybe just turn of notifications, other times I need to unbookmark the site to stay away or sometimes I just delete my account and move on entirely.
I’ll also often preemptively disable notifications if I think a take is going to attract weirdos.
bonus points for not answering ‘go outside drink water read a book’ etc etc
I mean I hate to say it but these are still honest, good answers even if you’ve heard them before. Sometimes you just have to touch some grass.
As soon as someone starts engaging with me in a rude way online, I respond with one single “hey let’s chill out” or “we can disagree peacefully” kind of comment. That gives them a chance to stop being confrontational.
If they burn that chance I either disengage or troll you into the abyss (depends by how much free time I have in that moment) because I know that arguing with angry people is useless.
Look, we’re human, things upset us - what matters is how you handle being upset, not the fact that you do get upset.
Personally, I have a few rules to help me
don’t check notifications or social media right before bed.
if a reply or statement upsets me, I will put away my phone for as long as it takes me to process my feelings and see the comment in a more neutral light.
The first step for me was realizing that this stuff made me angry and unhappy. Rather than viewing this as something I need to exercise my anger on I view it as something I need to avoid so I don’t get angry. Using the block feature really helped a lot.
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