Panel 1: A person with the text “Singular ‘they’” written on them smiling with open arms.
Panel 2: “Singular ‘They’” beaten up by others who said, “Singular they is ungrammatical. It’s too confusing,” “How can anyone use plural pronouns for singular,” and "Every pronoun should only have one purpose."
Panel 3: “You” hiding from the mob who was beating "Singular ‘They’"
Panel 4: “German ‘Sie’” hiding with even more fear next to “You”
I just don’t get it, even before being aware of pronouns and such I used singular they all the time, e.g. “That’s what they did” (referring to one person) or “They’re thinking that aren’t they?”
Yeah, but you’re using it to mean “I don’t know which pronoun to use.” This is a different meaning than what’s being describes here.
What’s being described here is a person who decided that they don’t want to be referred to as he or she, and has chosen to make themselves plural instead of using the singular nongendered pronoun already present in English.
Since that is a grammatical error, and this is the internet, I am obligated to ridicule this person, regardless of how well their meaning is conveyed.
People don’t like using it for people, because it’s traditionally only really used for objects (“It’s a chair!” ) or creatures where the gender isn’t identifiable or doesn’t matter (“It’s a bear!”) , but that’s the exact use case here.
A nonbinary person is a creature whose gender is either not identifiable or doesn’t matter.
People just decided that it meant nonbinary people were objects, when in reality we use it for objects because they were the only truly nonbinary concepts we had.
It's because there isn't actually confusion about this. This is transphobes making up something to be angry and confused about in order to rope in the ignorant to harass trans people. It's not acceptable to say "trans people are bad, we should ostracize them" currently. So transphobes find something that could be confusing (nonbinary people using they/them) and convince ignorant people (people who don't know much about trans people and/or have no opinion) that it's confusing and wrong and people should "correct" them. Then you get ignorant people saying things like "they isn't singular" or "I can't get used to they/them and don't like using it." This creates a continuous debate on if trans people deserve to self-identify and generates constant micro-aggressions (or just full aggressions) against their entire community.
It's really just a way for transphobes to create a hostile environment for trans people over literally nothing.
Your comment makes it clear there is confusion. To clear it up, using singular they to refer to a specific, known individual is never something Shakespeare did, and is a recent invention. It’s not transphobic to be grumpy about people trying to introduce a new usage for an existing word. People as a whole don’t like change.
I’m not sure, and I’d be interested in reading more from someone that actually has done their research and doesn’t claim that Shakespeare used singular they in that manner
Sorry, I thought your question was asked in good faith. I’m commenting because the claim that Shakespeare used singular they to refer to a known, specific individual is factually incorrect. I don’t know the entire history of singular they, but I do have access to wikipedia just like you. It says ‘In the early 21st century, use of singular they with known individuals emerged for people who do not identify as male or female, as in, for example, “This is my friend, Jay. I met them at work.”’ Does that answer your question?
Right, I quoted a bit from the whole-ass Wikipedia page on Singular they in my response to you. I’m aware that there’s multiple usages, and have said as much in my replies to you. I’m not sure what your point is.
I have normally used “they, their and them” when referring to a singular person for about twenty years because I thought that “he/she” and “his/hers” looked ridiculous in emails.
For example; “Next time the engineer feels like he/she needs to overhaul the code…” versus “Next time the engineer feels like they need to overhaul the code…”. Clean and simple.
Example of current use:
Bob - “Hey Jo, Frank thinks we should tweak widget X.”
Me - “Yeah well, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”
“They left their wallet on the table” it sounds like you’re referring to multiple people instead of a singular person.
Does it? If multiple people left multiple wallets on the table, it would be, "They left their wallets on the table." Multiple people can't really leave a single wallet behind. Or at least that would be very unusual and unintuitive.
“A customer forgot to pay their bill” sounds totally normal to me though, you just need a reference before throwing a pronoun out there, if the context doesn’t clear up the number of people referred to.
Lots of people talk past each other on this. Singular they to refer to a known single person is an invention of the last few years and is the thing that a lot of people are up in arms about. It gets confused with the centuries-old usage of using it to refer to an unknown or undetermined person. Your first example is in line with the latter, and your second example is the new usage. TBH I’d be confused by your second example. Is Frank part of some larger group that doesn’t know what they’re talking about? Or is it only Frank that doesn’t know what he’s talking about?
Your confusion here is exactly what I’m trying to clear up. We know the gender of the person in the Shakespeare quote you linked to (“man”), but nothing else. It’s a placeholder term that doesn’t refer to a specific, known individual. Shakespeare never said anything like “Here’s Frank, they’re a cool guy”, that would be considered ungrammatical until a few years ago.
Just here to support: English is a constantly evolving language. By way of example, historically, the word jealous has been that you’re afraid of someone taking something from you, like a relationship, it’s something you have, that you may lose due to someone’s influence. The term for wanting what someone else has, is envy. If someone has something you want, you are envious of them. But if you go find the definition for jealousy, it now includes that you want something someone else has, because people have conflated the word jealous with the definition of envy. What happened is that the definition of jealous changed. IMO, I’m not a fan of that one specifically, since we already have a word for envy, but it speaks to my point.
The language adapts to the common usage. Historically, they/them has been used as indirect singular/plural. The change that’s happening now, is that they/them is being used as direct and indirect singular/plural. In the past, the only direct singular for an individual has been he/she/you. There was no direct singular ungendered term, besides “you”, which is only applicable when the subject is the listener. Adding they/them to that is logical, the only alternative I see is to use a brand new word, one likely adapted from another language that already carries that singular and direct meaning. Authoring a new word for something like this isn’t new to English either, since many English words have roots in other languages, which is why grammar rules seem to have (and often do have) more exceptions than anything (like i before e, except after c, or congugating a word with “er” or something similar).
I’m personally a fan of adapting they/them to be direct singular, on top of it’s current use. While it’s uncomfortable for some to use they/them in this manner, myself included, is rather make myself uncomfortable by using that, then make non-binary persons uncomfortable by using pronouns that make them uncomfortable. Besides, the definition of they/them is so close already, that this is a minor adjustment at most. It’s barely an inconvenience.
Sure, that’s a great discussion to have, and I’m glad you spelled it out well. I just dislike people trying to claim that using “they” to refer to a specific, known individual is “nothing new because Shakespeare did it”. He didn’t, and it muddies the waters of the conversation to spread falsehoods like that.
I get that. Irrespective of if Shakespeare used they/them in this way or not; I would challenge anyone to even have a conversation about someone, or tell a story and not use they/them to describe a singular individual. Fact is, it’s so common in speech, that people breeze past it without thinking about it, because it’s natural to use they/them as the indirect singular. Everyone has used they/them this way, and continue to use those words this way, without even realizing they’re doing it… like I just did.
The discussion of when/where/who started it, isn’t really material to the point that almost everyone uses it in this manner right now, even if they’re not introspective or analytical enough to realize they’re doing it… so I would argue that it’s not relevant to focus on the who/what/where/when/why of the use of the words in this context, but rather focus on what’s happening now.
Leave the discussions of who/what/where/when/why/how to the historians and the linguists. I agree that such discussions just muddy the waters of the reality of what the common usage of the words are, and therefore it should be set aside and left alone; at least by anyone who doesn’t hold a PhD in English literary studies or something…
To be clear, this example, where the singular they is used for a person of any gender, is confusing to you.
Example of current use:
Bob - “Hey Jo, Frank thinks we should tweak widget X.”
Me - “Yeah well, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”
Is Frank part of some larger group that doesn’t know what they’re talking about? Or is it only Frank that doesn’t know what he’s talking about?
Based on the above questions, the confusion is about attempting to identify if the singular they or plural they is being used.
But these variants with a person with an ungendered name or description are fine. Example with ungendered name:
Bob - “Hey Jo, Kelly thinks we should tweak widget X.”
Me - “Yeah well, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”
Example with ungendered description:
Bob - “Hey Jo, the engineer thinks we should tweak widget X.”
Me - “Yeah well, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”
If that is true, that the second and third examples are not confusing, then determining whether the singular they or the plural they is being used is not the source of the confusion. As in all three examples, we have a person who was previously referenced excluding the possibility of the plural they. In the first example Frank, in the second Kelly, and the third the engineer. All that has changed in the first example is that the singular they has no restrictions based on name or description. If that grammatical distinction is the source of the confusion, so be it, but let’s be clear on what the confusion is.
Your Kelly example is similarly confusing. The “engineer” example is also confusing, but because English already conflates those two meanings, I at least know that I’m parsing a confusable sentence and can pick up on context clues.
If I were writing that, I’d say “Yeah well, that engineer don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.” The “they’re” is then not confusing at all.
“Yeah well, that engineer don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”
In this example, the engineer is the antecedent, the thing that is being referred to previously by the pronoun they. The only difference between the above example and this example
Example with ungendered description:
Bob - “Hey Jo, the engineer thinks we should tweak widget X.”
Me - “Yeah well, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”
is that the antecedent is in a previous sentence said by a different person. This is a common use case for pronouns in general during a conversation and also a common use case for the singular they. My point is this is not confusion related to the most recent change to the singular they, that restrictions to name and description have been lifted. That’s fine, but I think a lot of what people are saying about Shakespeare is relevant to this particular form of confusion, singular they vs plural they, because we have been using the singular they for quite some time.
The root of the problem is that it’s an indirect reference to an individual. They/them is commonly (until very recently) referring to a party (singular or plural) that isn’t present. When you use it as a direct reference to someone who is present, most people feel like it’s incorrect because of the common usage of the term being indirect.
When speaking to someone about Joe: “Joe doesn’t know what they’re talking about” While directly: “Joe, you don’t know what you’re talking about”
Both are correct, and possibly the most correct forms of the statements. Substitute Joe for whatever name and it still works. Meanwhile, it’s uncommon, in Joe’s presence, when not taking to Joe, to refer to (assuming Joe is using gendered pronouns) him as a he/him. “Joe doesn’t know what he’s talking about”
Both cases are singular, but the difference of Joe being there changes “they” to “he”, and not taking directly to Joe changes “you” to “he”.
The problem isn’t plural vs singular, the problem is direct vs indirect reference.
To the best of my knowledge, using pronouns like he, she, they for a person who is present in the room during the conversation is not part of the most recent change to the singular they. That would be confusing, but I am not aware that that is happening. He, she, and they are still only for indirect references to a person as far as I know.
I don’t think you’re wrong here; it’s just uncommon to refer to someone as they/them even indirectly while they are present and engaged in the conversation that’s happening, but may not be the directed recipient of the statement. In almost all cases, at least until recently, the pronouns he/she or him/her would be used instead; therefore it’s sort of awkward to use it as a direct pronoun in that context; but using they/them as a direct singular is not new in any capacity and I believe you’re correct on that. It’s just uncommon, and IMO, would generally come across as mildly dismissive or insulting toward the individual in question.
I believe the (former) dismissive/insulting nature of the context of referring to someone as they/them directly is the root of the discomfort most people (especially cis-normative persons) have around using the term for direct reference of a singular individual. Their brain is uncomfortable at the fact that they’re using (mildly) offensive language towards someone who they likely mean no offense to, meanwhile to use he/him or she/her instead is likely going to be far more offensive to someone who is non-binary, so the discomfort only lies within the speaker and their expectation of how what they are saying will be understood.
I honestly have never understood why people take the effort to write he/she instead of singular they? Like it’s 2 words instead of 1, why bother? Even in academic articles which typically have word count limits lol
If I have to write a he/she, I usually write it as “(s)he”, but I usually avoid that too, because to me it seems like I assume a male, but maybe female, which defacto puts an implication on the term that women are not as good as, or equal to their male counterparts.
The whole thing is ridiculous.
The only argument I’ve ever heard from anyone about why they don’t want to use “they” as a singular pronoun is that it feels wrong, or that it’s a plural pronoun (which it is not, and never has been). Neither argument is valid IMO, and the entire practice shifts the discomfort of the chosen pronoun from listener to speaker or vice-versa, depending on the situation. If someone wants you to use the pronouns they/them, and you have any respect for them at all, you’ll do it, and suffer that discomfort for their benefit.
Not an expert, but I’ve followed the growth of this word a little on-and-off.
Disambiguity can be important in a language. But it’s complicated. Many times we use “he”, “she”, or “he/she”, gender is not required. Back in the 1800’s, the standard was to use “he” when gender was uncertain, unimportant, or ambiguous to a conversation. Obviously it had to do with the presumed defaultness of the male gender.
For a while, people toyed with “it” or “which”. Honestly, my personal feeling is that it was the way insult could easily be taken (or given) with “it” that it died out.
“They” probably should not be used in cases a less ambiguous word is more appropriate… But that’s when the bigots come out. In most cases, the most appropriate word to reference a person is that person’s preferred pronoun if you know it, even if it’s a genderfluid pronoun. Why? It’s significantly more descriptive than “him” or “her”. But these same people who consider “they” too general would break down to acknowledge any person having a gender identity different from their birth sex (and probably their genital birth sex for intersex folks, at that).
What all the offense is REALLY about is that they want to pretend some people are fiction, or subhuman. I think “it” would settle well with those folks. Which is why I’m glad that isn’t a default.
Yep. Using “they” and “them” as singular pronouns is actually really common, but in it’s (until very recently) common usage, it’s usually an indirect singular pronoun, rather than a direct one.
I’m no linguist, so my terms may be a bit off, but when referring to a single person, or multiple people indirectly (without them involved in the conversation directly and/or, not talking directly to them). So for example, Joe went to fix the thing, and someone asks if the thing is being worked on… Yeah, Joe is on it, they will get it fixed.
That’s normal.
The pinch for most people, that they can’t seem to grasp, is that many seem to believe, whether they consciously realize it or not, that referring to someone as a “they” or a “them” directly is usually considered … For lack of a better term, rude. In the same vein as calling someone by their name but getting their name wrong. It’s impersonal which comes off, in their mind as insulting.
I’ll give you an example, Frank just did a stupid. While standing in a group with Joe and Frank, Joe says, “then they decided to do the stupid.”
Same with “they did it!” While accusing a singular individual.
The reason people don’t like calling someone “they” and “them” is because on some level, they realize that the language is either dismissive or accusatory of the individual in question. Akin to calling someone stupid or using an undesirable nickname for someone, like referring to them by their race, or doing so via a racial slur; this example is a bit extreme, but you get the idea.
There’s an absolute fuckload of examples of using they/them as singular pronouns, but people are still uncomfortable with it, often feeling like it’s wrong to refer to someone like that without really understanding why; and because they don’t understand why, they’ll never intellectually move past the taboo of it.
Non-binary people have reclaimed the word as their own, and have asked the rest of us who are comfortable with our gendered pronouns, to use these words as their pronouns. So while it feels wrong/insulting to do it, it’s actually insulting not to.
In German, the whole thing is another level worse because we don’t have something such as the sigular they, since our 3rd person plural is already a third person singular pronoun too, the female one, so enbies either use custom neopronouns or the third person neutrum, in English that would be “it”. And “it” is only used tor refer to objects, animals or monsters usually, so it feels like a whole other level of disrepect. I wish we had something as easy as the singular they. The latter is usually disrespectful but the former is usually dehumanizing and not even used for people you like, but only people you see as subhuman.
If you think gender neutrality in English is bad you should see other languages. Know steward/stewardess? In German almost every single profession is gendered like that. The solutions are constructs such as steward or stewardess, steward/ess, steward*ess, steward:ess (my favourite), stewardEss, steward_ess, the stewarding, and more. They aren’t standardised. Oh and did I mention all singular pronouns are gendered, so its actually the steward or the stewardess, the/the(f) steward/-ess, …?
Not to mention this applies to plural froms too, historyically the male form was used for mixed and all-male groups, and the female one for female-only ones, but in many cases that leads to people only picturing the male version, especially in historically male fields. Same for the singular version when the gender is unspecified. And these versions still dont include nonbinary persons, or those who use neopronouns here. The latter aren’t much of a thing here, you are pressed to have anything gender neutral in language.
All of this doesn’t improve readability, “Liebe Mitbürger” (fellow citizens) becomes “Liebe Mitbürger und Mitbürgerinnen, und auch alle anderen” (dear citizens and citizens(f), and all the others too); “Der Fahrer bremst sein Fahrzeug” (the driver slows down his vehicle) becomes “Der/Die Fahrer/in bremst sein/ihr Fahrzeug” (the/the(f) driver/ess brakes his/her vehicle); “die Wissenschaftler befrageten Taxi- und Busfahrer. Jede einzelne Teilnehmer” (the scientists surveyed taxi and bus drivers. Every single participant) becomes “die Wissenschaftlerinnen befragten Taxi- und Busfahrerinnen. Jeder einzelne Teilnehmerin” (the scinetistesses surveyed taxi and bus driveresses. Every*(m) single participant*ess).
German schools try to avoid having to write out “Schüler und Schülerinnen” (students and studentesses) by abbreviating it to SuS, but that has its own issues as you can guess, Among Us was very popular here in Germany too, every student knows memes, and often hangs in online spaces. The teacher equivalent would be LuL, they didn’t even attempt that one. Can sound funny but is reality here, sadly until a few decades pass at least, if not much more. This is hard to change. And many hang onto the language, I love it too, more than English since its my own I think in still, I read books in etc. This will need a lot of energy to change somewhere reasonable. And it makes texts much longer in German compared to English, as it wasn’t egregious enough already, “the vehicle owners” ( as used in legal documents/law ) becomes "Der/Die Kraftfahrzeugeigentümer*innnen " . This is not very readable at all, especially to foreigners, and fucks up submenus in programs as well as a lot of other formatting. We can’t even dream of integrating nonbinary people into these expressions too at the moment yet now here, it is insanely compliated to get somewhere.
Its an absolute shitfest. English they/them is a piece of cake against that, and the poeple who still cry that much about it are oversensitive whiny bitches. In Germany they at least have some practical justifications, albeit I think the use outweighs the downsides, but I see some points. I will continue to use these so-called “gendered” expressions, and they are now recommended for scientific publications, but there is a whole culture war about that, and applying it to spoken language is a whole different level. Don’t get me started on dialects. The entire issue is so much fucked here - the gender-neutrality is what I love about English. Its one of its big adavantages. Cherish what you have already out there, its not a given. You are lucky for that situation. Be thankful for it. It is a great help.
What’s funny about those “grammar purist” people is singular “they” has been accepted common use in English for centuries, even older than singular “you”. For some reason society got it in our collective heads in the fairly recent past that it was improper grammar, though, and that’s what teachers often teach. I’m still not over my 5th grade teacher marking me down a point on an essay because I used singular “they”. You’re still wrong, Mrs. B.
You’re confusing two different usages. Singular they to refer to an unknown or undetermined person has centuries-old usage, yes. Using it to refer to a known single person is an invention of the last few years.
Like many things, the damage was done by the British. Specifically one Bishop Robert Lowth. In 1762, he wrote a book of prescriptivist grammar rules starting with the premise that Latin is a perfect language, and any construction in English that doesn’t match Latin is a flaw. This is where those nonsense rules like “never end a sentence with a preposition” and “never split infinitives” come from, as well as the claim that the singular they (in common use at the time) should be phased out in favor of the generic he, because that’s what Latin does. The damage this one book did to the English language still has not been fully repaired.
Isn’t “You” always singular? The words it’s accompanied by make the overall statement plural. Like “you guys” or “you all”. My brain might be slow this morning, but I can’t think of any instance where it’s plural without an accompanying word.
You can see it’s still grammatically plural even when used as a singular with the other words that go around it too. “You are” instead of the singular “is”.
It can even make singular things kinda behave like they’re plurals. Like “The Lemmy user is posting comments” vs. “you, the Lemmy user are posting comments”
Back in the day it was “thou art posting comments” (singular) and “ye are posting comments”(plural). With “ye” becoming “you” over time. Although they also had more funky letters like ȝ and þ and stuff.
Nope, “you” can be 2nd person plural on its own. You can refer to a group of people as just “you”
For example, imagine a security guard saying to a group of shoppers “everybody listen up, you need to leave the store”. You might use “you all” but it’s not grammatically necessary, it just adds specificity.
I find this kinda fascinating because if you’ve thought this your entire life, you would have had to have read every intended plural “you” as singular and there would be nothing to inform you otherwise without very explicit context.
For the record, every 2nd person pronoun in the preceding paragraph can be singular or plural and still be grammatically correct while remaining socially correct for my speaking to an audience of unknown size. “You all” and “you guys” are slang phrases that don’t appear in formal writing.
It’s actually an even worse mess politically than singular they! French is much worse in terms of gender, not only because the translation for plural they is gendered (any group containing something male is “ils”, any group of only female stuff is “elles”), but adjectives are also heavily gendered!
My nonbinary friends I know irl just go for either bc it’s easier. Some people use newly (ish) invented pronouns like “iel” or “ielle” which… I personally don’t like because they don’t fit the phonology very well and they’re a mix of the two instead of a separate thing. Apparently some dialects used to/use “ul” and “ol” which are much nicer imo, but that still leaves the question of adjectives.
Ofc, all this also has the whole aspect of “the wokes going crazy”, plus also France is very against the anglicization (however you spell that) of language and culture so there’s that extra aspect (ironically, the right use “le wokeisme” which is a horrible anglicism, while railing against anglicization).
The only “issue” with singular they, and really its just more a clarification hiccup, is when you have a group that includes a person using they/them pronouns, it’s a little clunky specifying you mean the individual rather than the full group and vice versa.
But that’s the hiccup, point in case; you have to stop for probably just a split second to create the distinction of “they” versus “they all/they both/ both of them/all of them” with singular versus plural. Which again isn’t hard, and people should just get used to it till it’s not any longer.
I know, I’m speaking to the only potential use of a singular “they” actually being potentially “confusing”, which I demonstrate is really minor. Supporting the point of the post and yours that there’s no real serious issue anyone can have with the singular “they”.
Yeah, but that’s also an issue with “you”. I’d say make a new pronoun but that’s a whole other set of pains (e.g. I don’t like xe/xem because it looks bad, doesn’t fit with standard english. ze/zem is better or even something like ke or ge).
Hell, I’d be all for moving to an official constructed language for international communication but that’s a whole other other set of problems (who makes it, what should it be based on and how do we make it fair, how to get people to use it).
Basically there’s no good solution to language problems because prescriptivism doesn’t work and all languages suck in some ways.
Yep agreed, the point was that people will tend towards the shorter “them” first, which may cause some initial confusion followed shortly with a “oh I meant them (singular)/ all of them”. Again thats really the only real " issue if you can call it that even to using the singular “they”
A lot of people I know use either no or they pronouns. If there would ever arise a weird scenario where it is unclear if I were referring to one specific person or the group, I could still just use their name.
Even with cis people I often try to use their name more instead of pronouns. But this is because I mostly speak German and there is no native they I could use, so using the name makes it neutral. A lot of trans/nb people use they (or dey) in German, too ;)
So, to explain the German „sie/Sie“, it can be used as one of the following:
formal version of both singular and plural you: used whenever you have or want to maintain a distance from someone, or with persons who demand respect/authority. Generally speaking, whenever you would say Mr/Mrs/Ms it’s „Sie“, if you’re on first name terms it’s „Du“. Fun fact: addressing an LEO, judge, etc. informally („Du“) is considered an insult, insulting someone is a misdemeanour (not kidding) in Germany, and you will usually be fined on the spot for doing so.
Used to reference a woman/girl who has been mentioned before: What about Sally, is she coming today?
Same as above but for inanimate objects or animals that are gendered female: Have you seen my camera, I have misplaced her. Look at the cat, she’s so cute. (In this case it’s a cat of either female or unknown gender, if you were talking about a male cat specifically, you’d use the male version of „cat“…)
Same as above, but for all groups of people, animals, objects, regardless of gender, like plural they: Look at the guys/nuns/politicians/cats/helicopters, they’re drunk as fuck!
In a nutshell, it’s like English’s they (plural animate or inanimate), it (for feminine objects, remember that german is a gendered language like french) she, and you (both singular and plural) combined.
Though, Sie meaning “you” is the polite version, used to address someone politely. For informal situations, there’s the impolite and always-singular “Du”
While there are different conjugations and capitalization between the different uses of Sie, in the end they all use the same word.
If you’re on first name terms, it’s extremely rude to switch back to the formal address. Like, „FYI whatever our relationship was, I just burned that“ rude.
And more and more, people who don’t know each other immediately skip the formal part. I personally find „Sie“ rude, and I’m using it only for people I don’t like.
Edit: rewrote everything because it’s actually easier than I was explaining it:
It’s not about being polite or rude, it’s an indicator of your relationship with the person/s you’re addressing.
It’s not like you can choose how you say something to set a certain tone. „Would you pass me the butter, please“ doesn’t get more polite using „Sie“.
Who you’re talking to defines what to use.
When you are introduced, it’s easy: „Hey Bob“ -> informal -> „Du“; „Hello Mrs. Robinson“ -> formal -> „Sie“. Mixing them up just doesn’t happen, except for very small children who sometimes use the informal „Du“ with „Mrs Krabappel“.
It only gets complicated because it also is used when you do not know each other, like on the street, at a restaurant, etc.
Then it’s a judgment call what to use depending on the context. Either there’s some social clue (age, location, class, etc.), or whoever goes first sets the tone, but it’s still pretty much along the lines of „would I call her Kathryn or Cpt. Janeway“.
It’s just a generic he or she, I’ve seen it used for years and never thought it’s related to any gender identity issues. Also they is easier to type than he/she. It’s similar to how vous can be used for plural or singular. Although maybe it’s not a thing in places that don’t also speak French.
It’s using they to refer to a single person. Some people think it’s only supposed to be used for a group, but that’s completely wrong. It’s been used to refer to singular people since at least Shakespeare, if not longer. For example: “if some_one_ tells you they is singular, they are mindlessly consuming right wing media and not considering if it’s actually correct.”
This misses an important distinction that singular they was never used to refer to a known, specific individual until recently, and was certainly never used by Shakespeare that way.
See my other comments in this thread as well, but using singular they to refer to a specific, known individual was never something that Shakespeare did, and that is the usage that people are up in arms about. Your example uses singular they to refer to an unknown person, which is a usage that’s been around for centuries, yes.
Actually it’s older than people think. Shakespeare used it for stuff like “Every knight grabbed their sword”, and even for talking about a specific person it’s not a new phenomenon to use singular they if the gender doesn’t matter (so I was told in a linguistics sub over on r*ddit when I insisted it was new)
The only new thing is that people say, it’s their prefered pronoun.
I’m pretty sure plenty of singular theys have been invented in your language. It’s just that it’s not widely used at all and people would never understand you if you try to use it in a sentence.
thankfully Chinese has always had a singular they, “他.”
for your convenience:
我: I, 我們: we
你: you, 妳: feminine you, 你們: plural you
他: he or sing. they, 她: she, 他們 plural they
by the way, 他 used to be he, she, or sing. they. the usage of 她 as she and 妳 as you (for females) is relatively recent. even now, you could replace all the ones with a “女” on its left with its “亻” counterpart and no one will say a thing. they are also pronounced identically.
Add comment